Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 43 and got diagnosed as autistic only 2 months ago. I found the diagnosis both enlightening and validating because it explains so many aspects of my personality, why my brain may process things differently than most people, and why I struggled so much socially growing up.
Apart from the usual "urgh, I'm getting old" feeling, which most people feel when it's their birthday, I usually feel fine about my birthday; almost a little excited. This last week, however, I keep having angry, intrusive thoughts about work and friends, and feeling even more irritated about minor things than usual e.g. friends reading WhatsApp messages and not replying.
I also feel quite sad and lonely, but I don't know why it's come on so quickly as I felt happy just a few days ago. It's almost like I'm expecting my birthday to be a real disappointment and I'm feeling sad and angry in advance of that happening. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, how do you pick yourself back up? Thanks :)
Welcome and congratulations on your diagnosis!
It's wonderful that you're already enjoying some of the benefits that can come with a diagnosis (you mention feeling enlightened and validated).
However, also keep in mind that, during the period following a diagnosis - and for late-diagnosed autistic adults in particular - it can also be common to experience some emotional dysregulation. This can include, for example, working through a phase where they experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.
This may help to explain why you're currently feeling less well regulated than usual, as you approach your birthday.
The NAS has a newly refreshed set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months:
How you might feel after a diagosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/how-will-i-feel-after-receiving-an-autism-diagnosi
Other advice covering post-diagnosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis
Thank you so much for your lovely and supportive reply, Bunny. :)
I didn't realise it was common to experience emotional dysregulation following a diagnosis, so that's really good to know. I think you're absolutely right: it does almost feel like it's backwards-focused anger and sadness I'm experiencing that I'm then projecting onto current and future events.
Thanks very much for the article links. I'll definitely give them both a read.
You've really helped and I do feel better, so your help is much appreciated. :)
You're most welcome - delighted to have helped! :)
As the NAS resources mention, it can also be common for newly diagnosed autistic adults to be offered therapy.
If that's a route that you're heading down, you may find this book helpful (and a time saver) - I certainly did!
The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy - Paperback - 21 Feb. 2024 - by Steph Jones
"In this candid, witty and insightful exploration into therapy, Steph Jones uses her professional and lived experiences as a late diagnosed autistic woman and therapist, as well as consulting therapists from across the world and tapping into the autistic community, to create the ultimate autistic survival guide to therapy".
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1839977310/r
Thank you very much for the birthday wishes!
And all the best with the therapy/counselling - I hope it continues to help you and you find it really beneficial
Awesome! And I love Amazon Prime, too! :)
I was diagnosed last year. It took me a while before I felt that I was ready for therapy / counselling, which I started a few weeks ago and am finding very helpful.
I wish you all the best and - albeit a little early - a very happy birthday!
Thanks again so much for the advice, Bunny. I have contemplated therapy, even prior to my diagnosis, so that may be a route I go down. On your recommendation, I've just ordered the above book, so look forward to reading it from tomorrow (good old Amazon Prime ).