It's my birthday in two days and I'm usually fine about it, but this time, I keep feeling angry and sad for no reason.

Thank you very much :)

I ended up having a lovely birthday, but have since felt quite down. I think you're right - I need an "autistic rest" to recharge as it's been rather overwhelming. Thanks for your lovely message.

And also .....congratulations on the diagnosis and happy birthday! 

I can relate to this. There also the demand of deciding who to see and where to go and all that, I find it a little bit stressy.

Those intrusive thoughts are worse for me when my battery is low. Maybe you need an "autistic rest" to recharge, avoid the triggers for a few days and let your self have a breather?

Thank you for the message, L.A.W. You're absolutely right - best to focus forward, not backward!

Thank you for the birthday wishes and your message, Sporadic Sparkly. You're right - it's best to not have any expectations and just treat the day as any other, and to not dwell on the "what could have been". I hope you have a wonderful 50th birthday later in the year. :)  

Thanks for your message, Fiona. I love that you now like birthdays :) And your birthday plans sound lovely. Like you, I always buy a "to me from me" present, so I'm looking forward to treating myself tomorrow.

I hated birthdays as they were always disappointing, I'd ask for books when I was a child, and I would get dolls. When I was at uni I had an exam on my birthday - on a Saturday! so now I take the day off work and do things I enjoy. I have a long lie, I open my "to me from me" present (usually a book I want to spend the day reading), boil the kettle, make a pot of Assam tea, open my cake (usually a Bakewell or Battenberg slice) and read. Usually I get a takeaway for my tea. If friends want to do stuff I try and do that another day. My birthday is about me. I like birthdays now.

You'll be ok.
A time for reflection and visions.
Don't look back, focus forwards and beyond.
Aim that compass North and keep going forward.....

I cannot remember when I last looked forward to, or felt excited about a forthcoming birthday. I tend to work on the principle that it is likely to be a disappointment, so better to not have any expectations and just look upon as I would any other day. If it ends up going well, then it's a lovely, unexpected bonus.

When I was younger, I had expectations of what I wanted and hoped my birthday would be like. As I got older, I found it was rare that the reality ever lived up to my expectations, and I would be left feeling disillusioned and despondent. Something had to change, and I concluded the change had to come from within.

I'll be 50 later this year, and with it being a milestone birthday I think it would be all too easy for me to reflect upon my life, and to dwell on the fact that it hasn't turned out quite the way I had imagined it would. To do that would achieve nothing, other than to cause me to probably feel rather miserable, which is something I am rather keen to avoid.

I will end here by wishing you all the best, in advance of your birthday... and congratulating you on your recent-ish diagnosis.

Thank you very much for the birthday wishes!

And all the best with the therapy/counselling - I hope it continues to help you and you find it really beneficial

Awesome! And I love Amazon Prime, too! :) 

I was diagnosed last year. It took me a while before I felt that I was ready for therapy / counselling, which I started a few weeks ago and am finding very helpful.

I wish you all the best and - albeit a little early - a very happy birthday!

Thanks again so much for the advice, Bunny. I have contemplated therapy, even prior to my diagnosis, so that may be a route I go down. On your recommendation, I've just ordered the above book, so look forward to reading it from tomorrow (good old Amazon Prime ).

You're most welcome - delighted to have helped! :)

As the NAS resources mention, it can also be common for newly diagnosed autistic adults to be offered therapy.

If that's a route that you're heading down, you may find this book helpful (and a time saver) - I certainly did!

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy - Paperback - 21 Feb. 2024 - by Steph Jones

"In this candid, witty and insightful exploration into therapy, Steph Jones uses her professional and lived experiences as a late diagnosed autistic woman and therapist, as well as consulting therapists from across the world and tapping into the autistic community, to create the ultimate autistic survival guide to therapy".

https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1839977310/r 

Thank you so much for your lovely and supportive reply, Bunny. :)

I didn't realise it was common to experience emotional dysregulation following a diagnosis, so that's really good to know. I think you're absolutely right: it does almost feel like it's backwards-focused anger and sadness I'm experiencing that I'm then projecting onto current and future events.

Thanks very much for the article links. I'll definitely give them both a read.

You've really helped and I do feel better, so your help is much appreciated. :)

Welcome and congratulations on your diagnosis!

It's wonderful that you're already enjoying some of the benefits that can come with a diagnosis (you mention feeling enlightened and validated).

However, also keep in mind that, during the period following a diagnosis - and for late-diagnosed autistic adults in particular - it can also be common to experience some emotional dysregulation. This can include, for example, working through a phase where they experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.

This may help to explain why you're currently feeling less well regulated than usual, as you approach your birthday.

The NAS has a newly refreshed set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months:

How you might feel after a diagosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/how-will-i-feel-after-receiving-an-autism-diagnosi

Other advice covering post-diagnosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis