Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 43 and got diagnosed as autistic only 2 months ago. I found the diagnosis both enlightening and validating because it explains so many aspects of my personality, why my brain may process things differently than most people, and why I struggled so much socially growing up.
Apart from the usual "urgh, I'm getting old" feeling, which most people feel when it's their birthday, I usually feel fine about my birthday; almost a little excited. This last week, however, I keep having angry, intrusive thoughts about work and friends, and feeling even more irritated about minor things than usual e.g. friends reading WhatsApp messages and not replying.
I also feel quite sad and lonely, but I don't know why it's come on so quickly as I felt happy just a few days ago. It's almost like I'm expecting my birthday to be a real disappointment and I'm feeling sad and angry in advance of that happening. Has anyone else experienced this, and if so, how do you pick yourself back up? Thanks :)
Welcome and congratulations on your diagnosis!
It's wonderful that you're already enjoying some of the benefits that can come with a diagnosis (you mention feeling enlightened and validated).
However, also keep in mind that, during the period following a diagnosis - and for late-diagnosed autistic adults in particular - it can also be common to experience some emotional dysregulation. This can include, for example, working through a phase where they experience (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more.
This may help to explain why you're currently feeling less well regulated than usual, as you approach your birthday.
The NAS has a newly refreshed set of articles focused around diagnosis, including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months:
How you might feel after a diagosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis/how-will-i-feel-after-receiving-an-autism-diagnosi
Other advice covering post-diagnosis: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/after-diagnosis
Thank you so much for your lovely and supportive reply, Bunny. :)
I didn't realise it was common to experience emotional dysregulation following a diagnosis, so that's really good to know. I think you're absolutely right: it does almost feel like it's backwards-focused anger and sadness I'm experiencing that I'm then projecting onto current and future events.
Thanks very much for the article links. I'll definitely give them both a read.
You've really helped and I do feel better, so your help is much appreciated. :)