Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I'm new to the forum. I'm currently self disgnosed autistic/ADHD. I'm at a point where the shutdowns are becoming so much more frequent and they really take it out of me for a while. I really struggle to communicate in general, but the shutdowns leave me quite mute. I've never been able to express my emotions or understand them, or communicate in an effective way, even to my partner.
My main struggles are communicating effectively, and some real issues with eye contact. I find it painful! Social anxiety is huge, I have a strict need to have the same routine day in day out, changes to this set my mood off and I find it difficult to then regulate myself. I find it difficult to recognise my emotional state and I'm quite dysregulated with this.
I've always had an affiliation with the number 3 and patterns of 3. I remember this so clearly from childhood too. It became quite obsessive. There have been so many 'A-ha' moments since I've realised that what I've been feeling my whole life is valid.
I'm at a point where I've reached the end of this shitstorm and I need some help and support. I've been rehearsing and scripting my whole telephone conversation to the doctor but I just can't bring myself to do it. Communication is difficult and I become a bumbling mess, even though I speak perfectly articulately in my head. I have to get past this hurdle to be able to get an assessment. The telephone is the bane of my life!
Apologies for the introductory rant, I don't speak much about any of this and I'm just starting to understand myself finally :)
Yes it's quite healing just to be able to talk to people who are similar isn't it. That has really helped me too. It's lonely out there. This group is important.
I haven't been on for a while just started up again. Need to connect with you all.
Yes it sounds as if the diagnosis is going to be part of your healing journey.
Good point made by Mark re the book. There are therapists out there who are trained to understand autism but with adults I think it's mainly private sector which will be expensive.
Getting the book could be really helpful.
Take care.
I'd recommend "The Autistic's Survival Guide to Therapy" by Steph Jones if you have not started counselling yet. It could help you avoid some of the common pitfalls. Some of the techniques that are common for neuro-typicals can be harmful to us (e.g. Graded Exposure), Most therapists are not aware of the differences that we have. Her book is very informative.
Thankyou :)
Oh wow! So the number thing/pattern is real?! I feel validated! Another one of those things I just put down to be 'being a bit weird'....which is fine now as I lean into it more.
Yes I feel the diagnosis is more for the feeling of knowing who I fully am, as it's taken me years and years to get here and understand myself. It's the next step in the self discovery journey and I need that.
Counselling is something I definitely would like. Im on a waiting list and have been for a while. Thankyou for your advice :)
Welcome.
Mine has always been the number 5 and patterns of 5. It's nice to find common ground within this group.
I remember the feeling of just wanting someone to say yes you have it here's the diagnosis.
But what Number said is a good point. I got the diagnosis but still found the same barriers out there.
If its about needing to understand ourselves then it's worth it I think.
Counselling may be available where you can talk it all through. I was offered counselling but didn't follow it up. Didn't need to at the time.
I hope you get what you need.
Afternoon Dani - and welcome.
One other thing that I would suggest you think about carefully, whilst you are trying to summon the spoons to approach your GP.....is this;
"What help and support am I expecting to receive by pursuing a diagnosis?"
This question, and variations of it, are a bread-and-butter topic in this place, so I would recommend "trying" to use the extensive archive of threads in this forum to look at some of the points that are raised around this. Be warned, trying to "search" for threads is a less-than-precise activity in this place......but it can be fun because you can stumble over all manner of interesting stuff too.
I hope to see you around again.
Kind regards
Number.
I am making myself sound very wise and stuff - but nothing terrifies me more than a doctor's receptionist. But you need this and should force yourself for the best.
To get past the receptionists (has there ever been a worse gatekeeper to deal with? Ugh!!), you only need to say that you need to speak to a doctor in person because you strongly suspect you are autistic. You do not need to justify yourself to the receptionists any more than that. Stick to your guns and stay civil.
Hi Mark,
Ah yes, I have done this. I've written and thrown away so many telephone scripts! It's that feeling of 'im wasting their time because so many people need/want an assessment', and so many times I've hung up after the initial 'hello'...
I will try to focus on writing less text as I just become robotic then!
I wish we could normalise booking appointments via email or on a booking system!
Thankyou for your advice :)
Hi Dani,
I have an idea, but wait to see if anyone else agrees.
Get some of you best points on a single piece of A4 paper (neatly handwritten, or ideally computer printed). Not too much text. Put the anxiety issues at the top and the evidence lower down.
Go in and say "I think I am autistic, and I want to be tested - here is a piece of paper to explain, as I find it hard to talk."
Most of us have been there, but I wish I'd thought of this myself years ago!