Hello

Hi  

I'm new to the forum. I'm currently self disgnosed autistic/ADHD. I'm at a point where the shutdowns are becoming so much more frequent and they really take it out of me for a while. I really struggle to communicate in general, but the shutdowns leave me quite mute. I've never been able to express my emotions or understand them, or communicate in an effective way, even to my partner. 

My main struggles are communicating effectively, and some real issues with eye contact. I find it painful! Social anxiety is huge, I have a strict need to have the same routine day in day out, changes to this set my mood off and I find it difficult to then regulate myself. I find it difficult to recognise my emotional state and I'm quite dysregulated with this. 

I've always had an affiliation with the number 3 and patterns of 3. I remember this so clearly from childhood too. It became quite obsessive. There have been so many 'A-ha' moments since I've realised that what I've been feeling my whole life is valid.

I'm at a point where I've reached the end of this shitstorm and I need some help and support. I've been rehearsing and scripting my whole telephone conversation to the doctor but I just can't bring myself to do it. Communication is difficult and I become a bumbling mess, even though I speak perfectly articulately in my head. I have to get past this hurdle to be able to get an assessment. The telephone is the bane of my life!

Apologies for the introductory rant, I don't speak much about any of this and I'm just starting to understand myself finally :)