Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I'm new to the forum. I'm currently self disgnosed autistic/ADHD. I'm at a point where the shutdowns are becoming so much more frequent and they really take it out of me for a while. I really struggle to communicate in general, but the shutdowns leave me quite mute. I've never been able to express my emotions or understand them, or communicate in an effective way, even to my partner.
My main struggles are communicating effectively, and some real issues with eye contact. I find it painful! Social anxiety is huge, I have a strict need to have the same routine day in day out, changes to this set my mood off and I find it difficult to then regulate myself. I find it difficult to recognise my emotional state and I'm quite dysregulated with this.
I've always had an affiliation with the number 3 and patterns of 3. I remember this so clearly from childhood too. It became quite obsessive. There have been so many 'A-ha' moments since I've realised that what I've been feeling my whole life is valid.
I'm at a point where I've reached the end of this shitstorm and I need some help and support. I've been rehearsing and scripting my whole telephone conversation to the doctor but I just can't bring myself to do it. Communication is difficult and I become a bumbling mess, even though I speak perfectly articulately in my head. I have to get past this hurdle to be able to get an assessment. The telephone is the bane of my life!
Apologies for the introductory rant, I don't speak much about any of this and I'm just starting to understand myself finally :)
Welcome.
Mine has always been the number 5 and patterns of 5. It's nice to find common ground within this group.
I remember the feeling of just wanting someone to say yes you have it here's the diagnosis.
But what Number said is a good point. I got the diagnosis but still found the same barriers out there.
If its about needing to understand ourselves then it's worth it I think.
Counselling may be available where you can talk it all through. I was offered counselling but didn't follow it up. Didn't need to at the time.
I hope you get what you need.
Oh wow! So the number thing/pattern is real?! I feel validated! Another one of those things I just put down to be 'being a bit weird'....which is fine now as I lean into it more.
Yes I feel the diagnosis is more for the feeling of knowing who I fully am, as it's taken me years and years to get here and understand myself. It's the next step in the self discovery journey and I need that.
Counselling is something I definitely would like. Im on a waiting list and have been for a while. Thankyou for your advice :)
I'd recommend "The Autistic's Survival Guide to Therapy" by Steph Jones if you have not started counselling yet. It could help you avoid some of the common pitfalls. Some of the techniques that are common for neuro-typicals can be harmful to us (e.g. Graded Exposure), Most therapists are not aware of the differences that we have. Her book is very informative.