Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi really want to talk about this and get other people’s opinions really. I genuinely believe that everyone is bisexual I am I know that but I see myself as a hetro romantic. I will admit that I find women attractive and think I would like a bit of that but when it comes down to dating I date men I can’t see myself getting together with a woman. I also know this person who swears that he is gay I knew straight away he wasn’t it was a cover up. I caught him once sending women flirty messages on his phone but I never called him up on it as it’s his business and not mine. As a woman on the spectrum I don’t know really I’m just curious as to what everyone else thinks. Like I said I find women sexual attractive but I would date a man rather than a woman. Please feel free to share your opinions on this topic. I mean no offence to this post I’m just curious really is it just me that thinks this or does anyone else.
One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men, why can't they just say thanks but no thanks the same as so many women do?
TheCatWoman said:One of the things I really don't get, is why hetro men get so offended at being chatted up or found attractive by gay men,
Been there, felt that (although 2 decades ago) with a very camp co-worker who was constantly trying to persuade me to have a threesome with his boyfriend.
I think there are several reasons at play here:
1 - (remember this was over 20 years ago so pre-woke) hertro males had a tendency to demonise gays and think there was something dirty and deviant about them. As this was fairly vocal amongst the men then it was clear this was a signal I was picking up as it being a social rule.
2 - The co-worker kept saying that all men are closet gays and a giving me a BJ wouldn't make me gay. Challenging my moral compass was offending to me.
3 - If I was seen to be even considering it then I would be ridiculed by my peers.
There may also be an aspect of jealousy as the gay community seem to have a great time and appear much less inhibited typically than hertro groups.
Over time I have made friends with a lot of gays, including gay couples through my wifes work in fashion and I don't feel offended by their sometimes blunt and persistant propositioning - I guess I scripted some effective responses as I've not offended any of them yet.
All the above is in my opinion of course.
I know being gay was a different experience when I and presumably Iain too were young, but it's something I've heard from men much more recently and they just start spluttering incoherant nonsense when asked.
Iain I think you were being sexually harrassed by your collegue and these days you'd have grounds for a grievance procedure.
In general I don't notice if someones chatting me up or anything, in some cases I didn't realise for years, I just think people are being friendly, some guys do try and take things further and I'm totally confused wondering where that came from. It has got me into trouble either with an existing partner or when some guys got stroppy, luckily I can look after myself, verbally and physically if nessercary.
I just can't get my head around why some people particularly men get offended and can't just say thank but no thanks. I've been chatted up by women and said thanks but no thanks and its never been a problem.
I do think a lot of women go to gay bars because they won't get hassled by men and can just have a good time with thier friends.
Glad to have helped Tree Spirit, I meant every word.
*************************************
Thats a thought Iain, clowns I've never liked clowns, nor have I ever liked pantomimes, I've always found them confusing, thank you for helping me clarify this in my own mind.
I've heard of ladyboys in Thailand where visitors don't know they're not women, I didn't know Brazil had such a culture too.
TheCatWoman said:So it's all attention seeking then?
90% of it is from what I have experienced.
It is a combination of the clown show makeup, the street walker outfits, the unnecessarily loud way of talking / laughing and of course the way they interact - it is like a pantomime most of the time.
I cannot seriously believe they are so lacking in knowledge of what a good, feminine look consists of, especially when they often have women in their group of friends.
The ones who are serious about dressing in a feminine way can do really well (depending on their body shape that is) and I see a LOT of these in the area of Sao Paulo where I live - they have a huge community here.
The ones that dress / act in the way you are talking about are really just out for attention for whatever reason.
Your post made me cry. What encouraging and uplifting words when I needed them most. I'm a hugely sensitive person. You have no idea how much your post means to me and how that support has made a difference. Bless you.
Tree spirit, your post made me so sad, none of us have to be as shallow as those people on naked attraction and by the sounds of it you're definately not, you're a deep person, rich in experience and understanding. You show compassion and courage and you've shared about some of your many talents with us, be proud of who and what you are, don't compare yourself to the superficial and judgemental, would you really want to be like them, would you want to be liked by them?
Remember you're a beautiful dryad with roots connecting you too the earth and branches stretching to the sky encompassing all the beauty between.
I'm glad you said that about the look of drag queens because I really don't like when people look like blow up dolls and how everything seems to be so plastic, sexualised and fake. Where is the subtlety in appearance where it doesn't have to be pornographic, demeaning and distasteful? I watched "naked attraction" last night to see what it's all about and it made me feel sick how the people on it talked with each other like sex and body parts are something to be judged and discussed on T.V (can you imagine how the people being talked about feel). One person disregarded another person because they were "too curvy and their hair "wasn't feminine enough." Maybe this is why I'm feeling horrible today and crying a lot because I feel like unless you look a certain way, are from a certain class, can hold up societies "standards" then you are not worth anything. I feel so worthless today because I stupidly watched that program.... Off point from what you were originally speaking about but caused a rabbit hole scenario for me.