I've been married for 8 years, but I fear the marriage has reached an end. My wife is neurotypical, and it's only recently that I've discovered I am neurodivergent. We've always had problems that focused on my inability to display and understand emotions. To her I seem uncaring and undemonstrative. I don't react to her distress or problems in a overwhelmingly empathetic way. I misread cues and react in atypical ways.
When we come into conflict, I will inevitably reach a meltdown. Sometimes it's rage, but mostly I just shut down. My brain grinds to a halt, I struggle to process what's going on, I feel intense anxiety and I feel overwhelmed to the point where shutting down is the only thing I can do. I lose my ability to reason and discuss anything.
Things seem to have finally reached a tipping point. She feels that I will never be able to overcome what she sees as emotional shortcomings. She has even gone so far as to claim that my autism diagnosis has and will become an excuse for me to not meet her demands. In turn, I feel like I will never be able to make her happy, given that I process the things that happen to us in an entirely different way. I can't help it.
I love her dearly, and I hate how I so often hurt her feelings, without meaning to at all. It seems like a situation with no good solution, and perhaps walking away is the best thing to do.
I'm not looking for sympathy, but it sure would be a comfort to me to hear other people's stories like this one. When we are in a situation like this, what are we supposed to do?