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My appraisal

aimosan

I just received my appraisal last week and a few things appeared in it that I'm not really surprised about.

 

1.  I become flustered when I come across a new problem or situation.

2.  I become flustered when I meet new people.

3.  I work well on my own once given specific instructions for a task.

4.  Can be quite blunt and abrupt when talking to people.

 

Overall it was a good appraisal.  They understand why the above points were made and they just accept me for who I am, but there are other people in the business who don't understand me as much as my colleagues in my section and I've been told I have to try and get to know them and conversate with them a bit more.  The people in this department are higher up than me, more technical people in the IT industry.  I'm told that not getting on with them may affect my chances of moving on up in the world.  I do get on with a few of them, but a few of them are quite social people and like to brown nose, I think the term is, and will do whatever it takes to make themselves look better.  I don't take any of that nonsense so I do cause friction between me and them sometimes when I catch them out.

The thing is I don't want to move on up in the world of IT, I'm only here for job security and money, and the fact I can do this job at a basic level.  I'm very good at my job but I don't enjoy it, which is maybe why I have no problem challenging authority.  I did this all the time in school classes I didn't particular enjoy.  Probably bored.  I spend my lunchtimes reading science magazines and chemistry textbooks, because that is what I enjoy and in school I never fell out with any of my science or art teachers.

I've tried to explain to my employers that I've worked very hard over the years to increase my social skills, but there's a fine line between being more social and being someone I am not.  They try and encourage me to do what I can but I really don't think I'm going to change any.  Except, maybe stop being so blunt with my boss.  Maybe.

 

Problem is I've lost a lot of my confidence but I would like a job where social interaction isn't the main focus.  I feel much better now I'm not one of the people that has to answer the phone all day, but I do have to go out and visit people throughout the day to sort their IT problems and I feel awkward when they're sitting about me trying to make small talk while I work on something I'm not all that interested in.  I also don't know if just raising my confidence here would help or if going to a different job would be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, as my last manager said.  I don't want to make things worse for myself.

  • OP = Original Poster (yourself).

  • Yeah, I can't find any information except for courses employers can go on, which isn't much help  :/  Can anyone direct me to an area on the site where there is some information I can print out and/or email onto my employers?

  • I think what doesn't help is I was diagnosed only a few years ago in adulthood, and I was only told there was a 99% chance I had Asperger's because the psychiatrist wasn't allowed to tell me 100% without a proper assessment.  I was told it was pointless to get an assessment because there was no support for it in the area for adults (this was in the Highlands of Scotland).  In time this has changed and there is now support I get but I decided to ignore my last psychiatrist and go ahead with the diagnosis but to get the support and diagnosis I need it is probably going to take months, years even.  And, I've been asked in the past - you say you have this condition, can you prove it?  And with the doctor only saying 99.9% and no official diagnosis it makes me feel like I'm lying.  Why do I need a bit of paper to prove to the world I have this and I need help and support?

    I wouldn't mind not having a diagnosis but I find all my doctor does is give me medication instead of the CBT and psychiatric support I said that works for me and greatly improveds my quality of life.  I also feel like I can't make a stand for myself at work because I don't have that back up of the recognised diagnosis.  Someone at my work was told he potentially had diabetes and was told to change his life style so took a few days off work with not being well, but because he never got an official diabetes diagnosis my company were not happy with the amount of time he took off work.  As with most people I sometimes have a day where I can't face people and the stress of my heightened senses just gets too much but because I feel bad if I was to be off work for that I force myself into work by taking a pile of medication (the citalopram and diazapam I've been prescribed) and in the end it just leaves me feeling sick and tired so I am scared I will make myself worse in the long run.

    There is nothing I would change about myself and people who see past all the rubbish can see deep down I am a wonderful person and see me for my strengths and not my weaknesses.  It would be nice to be in a job where I am appreciated for who I am.

    I might pass on some information from this site (if I find it) to my team lead and line manager to try and help them understand what daily life is like for me.  It might not help much, but it's a start.

    Probably didn't help that when my line manager turned up the other day for a visit the very first thing I said to him was 'what's that on your face?'  He is trying to grow a beard which I've never seen him do before.  Apparently it's more appropriate to say hello, how is your day, before coming out with statements like that.  But, we can have a laugh about it so I suppose my situation could be a lot worse.

  • In other words you want to be allowed to work in an environment that suits your interests and ambitions without it being constrained and spoiled by discriminatory behaviour and prejudice.

    And supposedly most disabilities, especially with this shoddy government's new resolve to give more disabled people the opportunity to work, should not suffer this kind of discrimination. So why do you have to suffer this with autism?

    If you look under "Working with people with autism" then under "Employment Services" then under "Employment" (goodness knows how any employer would find this!!!) on the NAS homepage you will find a factsheet - page three of this explains "common characteristics of autism".

    Show these common characteristics to your employer and point out that they are expecting you to modify characteristics that are part of your disability, and suggest that they are discriminating against you because of your disability.

    As I said above, they shouldn't tell a blind person to "look where you are going" or any other "funnies", or move furniture around to catch them out. But in terms of what they are doing to you, in respect of autism, it amounts to the same thing.

    But NAS only improved this recently. And I suspect most employers only get the Triad of Impairments, which doesn't explain to them a lot of these other problems.

    You shouldn't have to put up with the kind of behaviour your employer is exhibiting.

    But the law ain't perfect....... and the amount of awareness of autism is low.....

  • What is OP?

     

    Freelancing is definitely not an option for me.  The lack of structure from having a routine and a job title would work for me, and I'd also have to network and get to know people which I also couldn't do.  I also don't enjoy IT all that much.  The only way I'd probably enjoy it is if I had a business analyst type IT job where I work on my own projects and show my work, but being told I may not be able to work up to that because of my social skills I don't see that happening either.  I'd ideally like a job in science so I'm looking at doing some study courses to give myself something to focus on in my spare time.  I know every element on the periodic table and have books on elements and rocks.  I love rocks and the elements that make them up so it's makes an ideal career for me.  But, yes, my confidence is suffering.  Especially in this job because it's quite social focussed so there is lots of places for my confidence to drop and for others to find ways to put me down on criticise me.  I have used a similar saying before, telling me to sort out my social skills is like telling a paralysed person to get up and walk.

     

    I'm hoping that doing this science course, which is introductory to a degree in Chemistry, will help improve my confidence.  I was told in school that I was stupid and disruptive and I would never amount to much.  Was told not to apply to university as there was no point in me going, so I never went through the uni applying process at school.  It's only now I'm starting to get the confidence together to start a course and show people what I am capable of.

     

    I like that saying where if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree then it is going to spend it's life thinking it's stupid.  Well, I find tat with most people on the autism spectrum.  A lot of my friends in school were the special needs kids, having Down's Syndrome, etc, but they were some of the most intelligent, loveliest people I've ever met, so I don't understand why the rest of the world are so quick to dismiss us and not make use of our strengths.

     

    There is an IT company, I think in Denmark, that employs people on the autistic spectrum because their ability to concentrate on their work with very little mistakes and for their intelligence.  It would be nice for companies to understand what a great asset autistic people our in the workplace.

  • Because this is about OP reducing stress and being happy.  Doesn't absolve the company of their shoddy practices and doesn't mean complaints can't be raised.

  • Leaving aside what kind of career potential might or might not be available going freelance, depending on the IT application.....

    Part of the problem here seems to be.....if discriminatory practices make it hard for you to work - go freelance.....?

    Retreat...... 

    What happened to "Difference....not indifference...?

    In any other disability the choice, if prevented from working by discriminatory practices....stay at home, work freelance... would be unacceptable.

    Why is it OK to suggest this for autism?

  • OP, what about freelancing with your IT skills?

  • I endured a lot of this nonsense throughout my career - objections to my differences that when they came to a head never amounted to more than vaguaries and hearsay, but the process is humiliating and does nothing for confidence or self esteem.

    I have been trying to make NAS more aware of the problem via other posting. People on the spectrum in the workplace are subjected to this sort of undermining criticism, even though the diagnosis ought to be sufficient to explain it. I think however ignorance of day to day living with autism means employers do not fully understand that not being able to socially connect properly really means difficulties of this sort should not be drummed out at appraisals.

    Its like criticising a blind person for not looking where they are going.

    NAS needs to do more to increase employers' awareness of what autism involves, although part of the problem (sorry IW for slipping it in again) the Triad of Impairments doesn't adequately explain away these difficulties, so I can understand why employers are puzzled.

    I got criticised at appraisals for not having the right facial expression, being the wrong distance from people, not sounding intelligent enough, not asking people how they are at appropriate moments I ought to have spotted etc etc. And the often stated - "we still feel there is something wrong but we cannot put a finger on it" or "there's something not quite right about you and it is up to you to sort it"

    It is humiliating and demoralising to have to put up with this, especially after you've made known you have asperger's or autism.

    Also I agree with what OP refers to as "brown nosing". Work environments have a hierarchy or "pecking-order". You're supposed to work out for yourself where you are in the hierarchy and make yourself appropriately grovelling or "going out of your way to please" or "adopting the right tone" etc,., but if you are on the autistic spectrum you cannot possibly work this out.

    NAS really has to wake up and pay attention to this, as it keeps cropping up on postings. The DDA doesn't cover this kind of communication inequality, and this is what makes it tough for people on the spectrum in the workplace.

    We need supportive action NOW. The PUSH FOR ACTION campaign should have included the workplace (even if only 15% of us are in steady work - though what that actually means given the assumption "if you work you cannot have autism" is lost to me.)