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My appraisal

aimosan

I just received my appraisal last week and a few things appeared in it that I'm not really surprised about.

 

1.  I become flustered when I come across a new problem or situation.

2.  I become flustered when I meet new people.

3.  I work well on my own once given specific instructions for a task.

4.  Can be quite blunt and abrupt when talking to people.

 

Overall it was a good appraisal.  They understand why the above points were made and they just accept me for who I am, but there are other people in the business who don't understand me as much as my colleagues in my section and I've been told I have to try and get to know them and conversate with them a bit more.  The people in this department are higher up than me, more technical people in the IT industry.  I'm told that not getting on with them may affect my chances of moving on up in the world.  I do get on with a few of them, but a few of them are quite social people and like to brown nose, I think the term is, and will do whatever it takes to make themselves look better.  I don't take any of that nonsense so I do cause friction between me and them sometimes when I catch them out.

The thing is I don't want to move on up in the world of IT, I'm only here for job security and money, and the fact I can do this job at a basic level.  I'm very good at my job but I don't enjoy it, which is maybe why I have no problem challenging authority.  I did this all the time in school classes I didn't particular enjoy.  Probably bored.  I spend my lunchtimes reading science magazines and chemistry textbooks, because that is what I enjoy and in school I never fell out with any of my science or art teachers.

I've tried to explain to my employers that I've worked very hard over the years to increase my social skills, but there's a fine line between being more social and being someone I am not.  They try and encourage me to do what I can but I really don't think I'm going to change any.  Except, maybe stop being so blunt with my boss.  Maybe.

 

Problem is I've lost a lot of my confidence but I would like a job where social interaction isn't the main focus.  I feel much better now I'm not one of the people that has to answer the phone all day, but I do have to go out and visit people throughout the day to sort their IT problems and I feel awkward when they're sitting about me trying to make small talk while I work on something I'm not all that interested in.  I also don't know if just raising my confidence here would help or if going to a different job would be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire, as my last manager said.  I don't want to make things worse for myself.

Parents

  • I think what doesn't help is I was diagnosed only a few years ago in adulthood, and I was only told there was a 99% chance I had Asperger's because the psychiatrist wasn't allowed to tell me 100% without a proper assessment.  I was told it was pointless to get an assessment because there was no support for it in the area for adults (this was in the Highlands of Scotland).  In time this has changed and there is now support I get but I decided to ignore my last psychiatrist and go ahead with the diagnosis but to get the support and diagnosis I need it is probably going to take months, years even.  And, I've been asked in the past - you say you have this condition, can you prove it?  And with the doctor only saying 99.9% and no official diagnosis it makes me feel like I'm lying.  Why do I need a bit of paper to prove to the world I have this and I need help and support?

    I wouldn't mind not having a diagnosis but I find all my doctor does is give me medication instead of the CBT and psychiatric support I said that works for me and greatly improveds my quality of life.  I also feel like I can't make a stand for myself at work because I don't have that back up of the recognised diagnosis.  Someone at my work was told he potentially had diabetes and was told to change his life style so took a few days off work with not being well, but because he never got an official diabetes diagnosis my company were not happy with the amount of time he took off work.  As with most people I sometimes have a day where I can't face people and the stress of my heightened senses just gets too much but because I feel bad if I was to be off work for that I force myself into work by taking a pile of medication (the citalopram and diazapam I've been prescribed) and in the end it just leaves me feeling sick and tired so I am scared I will make myself worse in the long run.

    There is nothing I would change about myself and people who see past all the rubbish can see deep down I am a wonderful person and see me for my strengths and not my weaknesses.  It would be nice to be in a job where I am appreciated for who I am.

    I might pass on some information from this site (if I find it) to my team lead and line manager to try and help them understand what daily life is like for me.  It might not help much, but it's a start.

    Probably didn't help that when my line manager turned up the other day for a visit the very first thing I said to him was 'what's that on your face?'  He is trying to grow a beard which I've never seen him do before.  Apparently it's more appropriate to say hello, how is your day, before coming out with statements like that.  But, we can have a laugh about it so I suppose my situation could be a lot worse.

Reply

  • I think what doesn't help is I was diagnosed only a few years ago in adulthood, and I was only told there was a 99% chance I had Asperger's because the psychiatrist wasn't allowed to tell me 100% without a proper assessment.  I was told it was pointless to get an assessment because there was no support for it in the area for adults (this was in the Highlands of Scotland).  In time this has changed and there is now support I get but I decided to ignore my last psychiatrist and go ahead with the diagnosis but to get the support and diagnosis I need it is probably going to take months, years even.  And, I've been asked in the past - you say you have this condition, can you prove it?  And with the doctor only saying 99.9% and no official diagnosis it makes me feel like I'm lying.  Why do I need a bit of paper to prove to the world I have this and I need help and support?

    I wouldn't mind not having a diagnosis but I find all my doctor does is give me medication instead of the CBT and psychiatric support I said that works for me and greatly improveds my quality of life.  I also feel like I can't make a stand for myself at work because I don't have that back up of the recognised diagnosis.  Someone at my work was told he potentially had diabetes and was told to change his life style so took a few days off work with not being well, but because he never got an official diabetes diagnosis my company were not happy with the amount of time he took off work.  As with most people I sometimes have a day where I can't face people and the stress of my heightened senses just gets too much but because I feel bad if I was to be off work for that I force myself into work by taking a pile of medication (the citalopram and diazapam I've been prescribed) and in the end it just leaves me feeling sick and tired so I am scared I will make myself worse in the long run.

    There is nothing I would change about myself and people who see past all the rubbish can see deep down I am a wonderful person and see me for my strengths and not my weaknesses.  It would be nice to be in a job where I am appreciated for who I am.

    I might pass on some information from this site (if I find it) to my team lead and line manager to try and help them understand what daily life is like for me.  It might not help much, but it's a start.

    Probably didn't help that when my line manager turned up the other day for a visit the very first thing I said to him was 'what's that on your face?'  He is trying to grow a beard which I've never seen him do before.  Apparently it's more appropriate to say hello, how is your day, before coming out with statements like that.  But, we can have a laugh about it so I suppose my situation could be a lot worse.

Children
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