When and where do you feel you're being 'as you are' ?

The only place I ever felt like that was when I was in America. Being 5000 miles away from anyones judgement or opinion was bliss. But never for long enough 

I have no such place where I feel I can be 'as I am', except for when I'm alone in my own home.

I am not sure if my partner is autistic. We discussed the possibility but he had no issues in his everyday life. I think I am just very lucky not just to have found him but also that he dated me from a distance at first and he hadn't gotten a chance to see me mask and camouflage around my old friends. Somehow it just made sense to not mask with him. On the other hand, he does have family members with autism.

The Zone I call it.

For me it is transcendent, like I've entered a vast, flowing current of consciousness. I feel connected. Hard to describe, really but delicious beyond compare.

It's like... as in how TS Eliot  ends The love Song of J Alfred Prufrock.

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"We have lingered in the chambers of the sea

By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown

Till human voices wake us, and we drown••."

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T S Eliot was no stranger to the 'zone' himself.

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••The drowning at the end is equal to the myriad, crude ways that we are pulled out of this ecstasy: like the phone ringing or someone calling us to dinner or, demanding our presence in the "real" world. 

I agree I have sorted wearing a Lanyard when I go to cafes and the supermarket.Yesterday in a cafe a lady just barged into our table and started taking photos of a friend and crowding us.I politely asked if she could move she became abusive.i said I had Autism and she was still absusive and would not apologise .This happens to me a lot any thoughts 

Thank you Zoey

Hope everything goes well for you also

Take care

When I'm like that I imagine I'm in a bubble that nothing can get through...it's like I find inner peace. 

When I am absorbed in something to the exclusion of all else.

I've noticed that even when totally alone I can mask. It's the least likely time though.

Other end of the scale is at work, I always felt like there's never been anyone there that actually met "me".

I'm getting comfortable with the idea of "unmasking" but haven't really made many steps towards it yet. When I was younger I didn't mask, or know I had a reason to,  so went through jobs and friends pretty quick and just assumed everyone else was the problem, I don't want to end up back there!

It takes quite a while to unpick yourself, masking etc and while life does get less confusing, the unpicking is definitely an ongoing to process. In terms of being "as you are", there are definitely two places I proverbally feel at home, however for the rest of it, depends on mood, energy, stress levels etc. Another thing to consider is what type of people make you feel "as you are". They are valuable to have in your life. The best people and places are the ones which don't add to stress and where "being autistic" doesn't enter your head. 

So far I only told people who need to know, either those close to me so I can talk to them about it or anyone that might need to make adjustments for me, my boss for example.orher people may have guessed over the years, or at least they'll have miss diagnosed me with something else!! 

Otherwise I don't see the point, I think it's important to us to know were autistic, but unless there's a benefit to someone else knowing it's not relevant. Everyone is different, most people have issues, unless we do something crazy  that requires disclosure as an explanation then there's not much point.

In the same mind I think people should be free to talk about their issues and conditions if they want to, without being judged. I was talking to someone with ADHD recently and we both found it interesting comparing our traits, it felt nice to have that open conversation without any worry of it affecting anything.

Tell who you want to , don't feel you have to, it's really only important if you feel you benefit from them knowing.

Thanks for the comment. Wow I haven't thought about this before, but,,, yeah I think I don't enjoy hanging out with people, socializing (I have few friends who I'd love to meet - once or twice a year). I forgot that socializing is not an obligatory. Thank you!

This is so nice story of you... thank you. My partner is obviously not autistic and I'm just afraid my partner's reaction when he hears I'm autistic. (It should be obvious because I knew I'm pretty different, so maybe I should just try...)

Thanks for the comment. Half of me feels like I'd like to tell everyone (literally everyone, like writing on social media's profile) but the other half of me is just afraid to tell anyone. I don't know why this is so scared to me 

I'm sorry to hear that your diagnosis was ignored. I found this community might be helpful, didn't imagine that I could get so many replies. Feel like it's a safe place.

Actually when I posted the question at this community at the first time it was... soothing (? I don't know how to explain this). The anonymous setting might be my first step I guess.

Thanks for the message. I really agree with the situation "that feels impossible for me right now". But I think I can start thinking about it when I'm alone at home. I hope your therapy would be a good experience to you!

Not really, I don't mask much anymore, I gave it up as I was finding it was making things worse.

I don't really feel I belong anywhere or with or to anyone, apart from my cats, I belong to them.

Mostly it's at home. But I'm 52, was only diagnosed a few months ago, and I have probably reached an age where I don't particularly care if I fit in (because I don't). I like going places e.g. a choir rehearsal, but I am the pedantic person who writes notes all over their music to remember what the conductor says (poor short-term memory), but if I annoy others with my 'knowledge' I'm not bothered, because I'm not there to please them, or even really to socialise/chat, I'm there to have fun singing in a group.

I also like museums and art galleries, where you can 'be with' something that interests you for a while and immerse yourself in it without any demands to make useless conversation.

It had always been important for me to find a life partner who understands me and I think once I found him life got immensely better. With him I am definitely myself and our home feels so much safer that any other place I had ever lived. Took me a while to find him and to realize how different it really feels. I think he is the reason I found out about my autism. I felt so safe with him that everywhere else became unbearable over time and through rsearch I realized I was just masking too much before I met him.