Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
My child has always really struggled if we stay in a hotel. He is 14 years old now and we stayed in a family room recently for the first time in 10 years. I had forgotten!! The moment we stepped into the hotel room, he became highly anxious.
He is not normally anxious. He is thriving in most areas of life, so it is remarkable to me he experienced this instant high stress at walking into a hotel room.
I wonder what it is that immediately sets him off?
I'm thinking it might be the fact that there is nowhere to hide from the family when we are all sharing a room (mum dad and brother).
Do others have similar experience or are there any other ideas of what it could be that sparks such immediate and unusually intense anxiety in him?
The reason we haven't stayed in hotel rooms for 10 years is because he used to literally not sleep at all and I'd be driving all night or walking him around in a pushchair. It had been so long, I'd forgotten!
I also really hate staying at hotels but I’ve got better at it over the last few years because I’ve done it more often. I always look at what the hotel and room looks like on the website online before we go, I create a routine so I know how much time I’ll actually be in the hotel and what I’ll be doing while I’m there, I bring a lot of my own things from home so I still feel familiar and can go through a similar bedtime routine to at home. I agree that not having any privacy could also be a factor for anxiety, so I try to talk to my family to know what they’re doing and we actually normally don’t end up spending a lot of time in the hotel room so I only have to worry about it at nighttime when I often just use the bathroom to get changed and everything for privacy. I never used to sleep either so would sit on a chair and just read or listen to a podcast, which always woke my parents up because the chair was usually at the end of their bed lol! So now I’m older we often get two separate hotel rooms - one for my parents and one for me and my sister, which is a lot easier to cope with and I still feel connected to my parents because they can come into our room or we can text them. And I sleep a lot better now in unfamiliar beds because I’ve done it more.
Dealing with anxiety in unfamiliar settings like hotel family rooms can be really tough, especially for someone on the autistic spectrum. One thing that might help is creating a familiar routine as much as possible, even while you're away. Bringing along some familiar items, like a favorite blanket or pillow, can make the space feel more like home. Noise-canceling headphones or earplugs might also help with unexpected or loud sounds that could be overwhelming.When planning trips, choosing the right accommodation is crucial.
Thank you.
If he has a trauma, he doesn't consciously remember it as he was too young to remember the last time. Nut maybe he unconsciously remembers it as his anxiety was instant, as soon as he walked in the room. It might be traumatic, the fact that every other time we stayed in a Hotel room all together, he couldn't sleep at all which made us absolutely stressed and exhausted.
It might be interesting to chat to him about it now that we've returned.
I think some kind of fort might be a good idea.
I think it also didn't match his expectations. We normally choose an apartment or cottage or caravan or tent with separate compartments (and outside space). I think he was dismayed by a small budget room with all those beds in there.
I'll throw a few ideas in the ring for this - let me know if any hit the mark:
Could there be a trauma from staying in the hotel that is making him this way?
If he doesn't like the fact he can't get privacy, could you make a "fort" for him to be safe in when he feels the worst?
How about eyemask and earplugs to help him sleep. All those people breathing and moving can be very distracting so this may help.
Some medication could also help - antihistimine is a cheap and safe way to make him drowsy in the evening and should last most of the night.
Maybe talk to him about what he doesn't like about it or ask him how you could make it better. Having a sliver of control may help him relax.