Do you work, study, etc?

Yes connections are everything with TV and films, music as well I believe for a lot of people. I think I would broadcast myself on YouTube to start, if I did it I mean. I think it'll always remain a dream for me.

The TV industry is very much based on connections. I got lucky in terms of getting into an entry level role but I didn't build on that. If it's something you're keen on, I'm sure you'll make it happen. 

Good luck with your training programme HMO I love the idea of working in TV and film. Growing up the idea of being an actress was so exciting, I used to do acting at home. I still do, I own many costumes and props I bought myself from ebay but I know it will never happen because of my anxiety. I would love to write for a TV show too, this is something I do currently though I've never sent any of my writing in. 

I’m sorry you’re finding it difficult to do your volunteering. This is something I completely relate with and can understand as I’ve experienced similar. I’ve volunteered and done a little work in a shop but I was unable to keep it sustained, the effects it had on my mental health were severely damaging and for now I find I’m unable to work. Just leaving the house takes it out of me. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It’s unfortunate but it isn’t your fault and one day maybe you’ll be in a better position within yourself and you’re be able to volunteer with no problems and land yourself that career. Just go slow, at your own comfortable pace with as little pressure as possible. I find the more pressure I put on myself the more it doesn’t work out and breaks me. Now I go with the flow and do what’s best for me, hence I’m not trying to work at the moment. I’m sure that day will come again. But for now, I need to rest up and get back on level ground.

I spend all my time at home, only really going out IF I need to. Like going to the doctors yesterday and I did at least get through it with no meltdowns etc but I’m today feeling tired and drained with aches all through my body. The norm for me unfortunately. At home I immerse myself in my interests and hobbies. Sitting and doing nothing leads to my brain getting carried away with thoughts and anxieties so I have to be doing something otherwise I’ll get overwhelmed by the anxiety. This morning I’m doing some painting as I listen to some of my Now That’s What I Call Music cds. I’m not an artist, not even a good painter lol but painting is something I really enjoy and I’m hoping with some time, practice and dedication to the hobby I’ll become a half okay or even good painter. If not, well, at least I have fun. That’s how I spend my days at the moment I just do the things I love. I try to be productive if I can but it doesn’t always happen but I always make sure I do something. I’ll occasionally go for a walk-I live in the mountains so there’s always a nice peaceful walk to be had and I almost never see anyone when I’m out walking.

Studying is something I like to do but not proper studying. Just fun hobby-like studying. I love learning and if school had been a quieter more ASD-friendly environment I probably would’ve had a much more enjoyable time. I’ve been out of school for about 3 years now and it’s still the stuff of nightmares for me-the trauma it caused me I still haven’t recovered from but I still love to learn new things and thanks to things like Youtube I can spend as much or as little time I like studying and learning from the comfort of my own home. At the moment I’m trying to learn to paint. Not very easy but I love being creative and I’m hoping I’ll get better.

Maybe you could look in to doing something similar Matthew? Being creative and immersing yourself in the things you love will make your life more enjoyable and make the days more bearable as you get better and recover from the past. Working on your writing and classic cars sounds lovely. Try not to focus on the negative stuff that’s happened. Focus on the here and now, don’t worry about tomorrow. I live for today and so far that’s helped me a lot.

Take care.

I've worked before, but not for very long. During my time working, though, I was stressed and exhausted constantly. I pushed myself as hard as I could, but eventually I quit each one when I realized how it was affecting me. Then I tried volunteering, thinking surely it would be better; it wasn't. I loved having something to do that benefited my community, but just as with everything else, eventually I had to quit. It was fun, and I liked doing it, but I would get so tired so fast that I couldn't keep it up anymore.

I've even had to struggle with personal projects getting done. It's not a matter of whether I want to do it; it's a matter of how much energy I have. Which is usually not much.

TLDR; I relate to this a lot.

I also wanted to add in hindsight. I put myself through uni with a Pell grant and that was an easy thing to do. I really enjoy learning and applying what I learn.

I have only ever had freelance jobs. I've been a runner in the TV industry and done some little writing/editing bits from home. The older I've gotten, the more I value stability.

I signed up to a paid training programme though, so fingers crossed that it goes somewhere. 

I am over the moon for you. You are such a tenacious with lots of Moxie! Logistics sounds fun

I currently work part time at Tesco and have been for over 5 years. It’s close to home and I start at 3pm which gives me enough time from when I wake to feel stable before heading in. Despite all this, I struggle with working because of the customer fronting aspect. I get really bad anxiety the night before and day of work and I dread it. I can’t eat/drink certain foods 24 hours before work because I get scared it will make me ill and make the day at work harder. I end up having a lot of time off because I get really bad anxiety and panic attacks. Lately I’ve been feeling really burned out by it all and just want to disappear to recuperate. This has made me feel like such an inadequate human being because others find it so easy and would love to only work part time. I don’t think I will ever be able to afford having my own place and that always brings me dread and worry for my future, especially as it feels like letting down my (very loving and understanding) partner. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right thing to be writing, but it’s my experience nonetheless and it truly is hard, I just hope it gets better.

I’ve been working paid jobs since I turned 15, because of poverty in my big family. Now the situation is better and my situation is also better. I studied, looks like I chose a good subject to study - logistics, because there are a lot of job offers and I found my job quickly. Maybe it was just a luck, because I’m not a master of first impression. But I’m satisfied and the boss and my colleagues too. Before I had low salary jobs that affected my mental health severely. There was McDonald’s, call center, cashier in shops, I’ve changed jobs quite many times because for various reasons I couldn’t cope. And I was always told by professionals that I have depression. Only recently one said, it’s Asperger. This current job looks like much better option, although they don’t pay more than average, it’s not that important. I have money for life and I have job that suits me. I hope I can hold it down long term. 

Hi, I saw this post and to be fair it is understandable as to why you can't work. There is a fixation on "contributing to society" so nowadays if you don't have a job people will pry and ask you lots of stupid questions.

My case is different as I've worked from 19 - I'm in my 3rd job now and am trying to get out of office work as I've been doing it for 3+ years and feel burntout. 

Matthew,

I've had a cycle throughout my life of working, getting ill, having to quit, recovering and starting all over again.  I tried from the age of 17 until my 30s where I was very ill with post natal depression but thought because I was married and my partner earned a good wage that I wouldn't have to put myself through that anymore but they wanted me to have a career and be a parent which was too much for me.  I left the marriage and we got a divorce.  I tried to work again, it's only ever been part time because too many hours causes me to be ill so I thought I'd try at least 16/20 hours.  I got ill again and this time it took much longer to recover.  I got a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder which made sense as to why I was exhausted after work.  I've been on benefits for about 6 years and my anxiety is more manageable.  I am proud that I know myself enough to know when enough is enough for me.  I managed to get degrees with tonnes of extensions to complete assignments.  I think if I'd known then what I know now then I may be working and I may have achieved more in my education.  My focus now is just to live a basic life and look after my daughter to the best of my abilities knowing that I do try with my life.  I have HUGE guilt for not working, I did try - customer service, retail, childcare, administration, reception, volunteering, complaints service, education and optics but the ill cycle repeated itself. :-(

I will probably get  crap for this, but here goes.  I never worked, and only did a very little voluntary work and studying. The severe social anxiety was a bigger barrier than  the schizoaffective/schizophrenia when it came to being employed . I deteriorate under pressure and  therefore wasn't up to doing a demanding white collar job. On the other hand I have poor manual and practical ability so wasn't suitable for that kind of work.  There was  no help to help me find something I could do that took into account all the things I've mentioned.

My studying consisted of an abortive attempt at a history A level correspondence soon after my first time in psych hospital.   Over the years I've had more than a few mental health professionals encourage me to do a college course of some kind. I've brushed aside all suggestions due to bullying related trauma, and the paranoia and  lack of self confidence that goes with it. I needed to be able to know I wouldn't be bullied and made fun of like I was at both prep, and even more so public school. I couldn't trust that I wouldn't be.

Also there's always been a huge fear of failure due to quite severe executive functioning difficulties , especially with regards to organising planning.  I academically underachieved at school because of it. Executive functioning being a better guide to academic achievement  in school age children than IQ.  

I have worked from 19, currently work as a receptionist for a local council. I do have supportive colleagues and have recently contributed to clinical team meeting talks where I share experiences about being autistic.

To be honest, I am trying to get out of office work because these environments aren't for me. I feel like I've had autistic burnout/fatigue and am trying to see if I can become an art therapist who specialises in autism/clinical depression. 

Hats off to youDebbie for enduring + surviving the work you have experienced. You must be incredibly strong to do all that. I'm ashamed to say I wouldn't be as strong.

Thanks for replying. 

Hi everyone, sorry for not replying sooner, my life is somewhat hectic at the moment and I find I'm too fatigued to do much.

I've been diagnosed with ME/CFS which does now explain my constant exhaustion and many other things I've been experiencing for the last couple of months. I have a treatment plan and care team so with some careful management I should be able to start doing some more things without wiping myself out. 

I appreciate you all replying to my thread. It's been intriguing reading through all the replies and many of you have my respect for enduring the challenging work you have faced in your lifetime. I struggle going to the shops, can't imagine being a receptionist... hats off to you all!

Enjoy the remainder of your Sunday, wish you all a good week ahead.

wow. you could be an authentic actress.

I work since I turned 15, although the amount of strangers and flood of information and new places made me cry constantly I had to work because we were poor. I had ideas for myself for life, but I often heard that I will fail and I shouldn’t even try. I wanted to be an architect. But finally I decided to stop listening to my family and I went to study logistics. Graduated with good grades but even after that had a lot of troubles finding job better than stressful and low salary jobs. My current job is also low salary but at least suits me and looks like they are happy because I have things done and I keep it in order. Due to very little contact with strangers I don’t have much anxiety. So now I can say I finally settled. If I didn’t know I have Asperger I would have probably keep pushing myself to the places and jobs that cause me stress and make me suffer and would probably keep thinking why I can’t cope like others and what’s wrong etc. 

hahaha! thats a good one

Debbies post - it's from song. I was going to write "your tearing me apart!"  but wasn't sure anyone get it with out a cause to do so.