I feel like not fully grown up/mature

I'll be 50 next month, but in some respects I still feel like I have yet to 'grow up' and become an adult. Sometimes, I feel that the way I think about things and react to things can be childlike. I distinctly remember an occasion when I had taken my son to a CAMHS appointment. There had been a man sat in the waiting room, and I had considered the sound of his breathing to be unacceptably loud and downright irritating. It wasn't his fault, but I can remember making a big deal about it to my son's psychologist (or whatever she was). Looking back, I can now laugh at how ridiculous I must have sounded to her, but I had found that man's breathing so intolerable that it had put me a foul mood for the rest of day.

One thing I know I don't cope well with is if someone raises their voice and snaps at me, even if it is probably justified. On the surface, I may be able to create the illusion of being calm and composed, but inside it's a different matter. It's like the child within me just wants to scream and shout, retreat to somewhere quiet and dark, etc, much like I did when I actually was a child.

It's rare for me to completely lose it in public, mainly because I find the fear of causing a scene and attracting unwanted attention too terrifying. I'll wait until I'm in the safety of my own home to un-cork all my pent-up anger and frustration. However, the amount of effort and energy required to appear calm and composed often causes me to feel physically and mentally drained.

People shouting is unbearable. I don't think anyone would dare shout at me now, but I'd not be able to cope with a road rage incident where people regress to animals more. An old man went into the back of our car about a month ago on a motorway. He looked terrified, but I didn't even speak to him and didn't have the ability to remember to get insurance details. Our car was damaged and now we have to pay. That was an incident were other people would be shouting, but I am incapable of losing my temper. I would not be able to cope to be on the other side, if I was in the wrong (How come you are temporary again Sparkly?)

People shouting is unbearable. I don't think anyone would dare shout at me now, but I'd not be able to cope with a road rage incident where people regress to animals more. An old man went into the back of our car about a month ago on a motorway. He looked terrified, but I didn't even speak to him and didn't have the ability to remember to get insurance details. Our car was damaged and now we have to pay. That was an incident were other people would be shouting, but I am incapable of losing my temper. I would not be able to cope to be on the other side, if I was in the wrong (How come you are temporary again Sparkly?)

Thank you.

I am sorry that your car was damaged and that you're now having to pay for the damage caused by the elderly driver.

At home when I am with my son, or when I visit my mother, I am completely capable of losing my temper. It's never physical, but I will raise my voice if my patience is tested.

In response to your question, I am having to use the temporary account I'd created because if I use my 'normal' one, I get a message stating there is an issue with my account. It seems to be the same issue that Roy's having with his account.