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I feel like not fully grown up/mature

Alienatedhuman

Does anyone else feel like this? It’s so hard to regulate emotions after someone screamed at me or I had a misunderstanding and feel like a total idiot and loser for not understanding or asking questions. Strong light, sounds of scanners, people talking and laughing loud, strollers being moved on the floor and many other sounds that usually don’t make me feel disregulated today made me crazy and crying I had to hide so no one sees me crying. It was so hard to calm down and soothe myself. I pressed my forehead with my hands and sat for few minutes. This is why I feel like a child in an adult body. Terribly embarrassing. I’m high functioning- I’m a child functioning in adult world and trying to cope. Does anyone have any thoughts, advice, experience, stories to share, I’ll be happy. 

Parents

  • I'll be 50 next month, but in some respects I still feel like I have yet to 'grow up' and become an adult. Sometimes, I feel that the way I think about things and react to things can be childlike. I distinctly remember an occasion when I had taken my son to a CAMHS appointment. There had been a man sat in the waiting room, and I had considered the sound of his breathing to be unacceptably loud and downright irritating. It wasn't his fault, but I can remember making a big deal about it to my son's psychologist (or whatever she was). Looking back, I can now laugh at how ridiculous I must have sounded to her, but I had found that man's breathing so intolerable that it had put me a foul mood for the rest of day.

    One thing I know I don't cope well with is if someone raises their voice and snaps at me, even if it is probably justified. On the surface, I may be able to create the illusion of being calm and composed, but inside it's a different matter. It's like the child within me just wants to scream and shout, retreat to somewhere quiet and dark, etc, much like I did when I actually was a child.

    It's rare for me to completely lose it in public, mainly because I find the fear of causing a scene and attracting unwanted attention too terrifying. I'll wait until I'm in the safety of my own home to un-cork all my pent-up anger and frustration. However, the amount of effort and energy required to appear calm and composed often causes me to feel physically and mentally drained.

  • in reply to Sparkly-Temporary Account

    I relate a lot! Especially the raising voice at me, it’s very hard for me to calm down at the moment. I literally feel the heart pounding and I use all my strength to stop myself from acting out. It usually also destroys my mood for the whole day. And the breathing- I remember as a kid I was called naughty when I told one “uncle” that his breath is too loud and I can’t play with him. I’m not sure who he was, but it’s not important. I also Found the hair on his chest sticking out of his shirt really gross. I felt like going to vomit. I was around 7-8 at that time. 

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  • in reply to Sparkly-Temporary Account

    I relate a lot! Especially the raising voice at me, it’s very hard for me to calm down at the moment. I literally feel the heart pounding and I use all my strength to stop myself from acting out. It usually also destroys my mood for the whole day. And the breathing- I remember as a kid I was called naughty when I told one “uncle” that his breath is too loud and I can’t play with him. I’m not sure who he was, but it’s not important. I also Found the hair on his chest sticking out of his shirt really gross. I felt like going to vomit. I was around 7-8 at that time. 

Children