High Functioning

It conjures up a view of something like a superpower to a lot of people, I don't think many people realise that it means "outwardly appearing to be fine while you're struggling like hell on the inside to keep it up"

The more we mask the more people assume we're ok,  if we're trying to hide something and we're successful, we can't blame people for not noticing it. 

I've been told "nobody would ever know you were autistic unless you wanted them to" ,  "that's because they can't feel my anxiety and distress and if I'm masking well they won't see it either"

I don't like this idea of autistic people having some kind of super power either, I find that just as disabling, as having next to no power, to me that implies comic book levels of defiance of the law of science etc. I have a good memory, I have trained my memory, its something that has kept me sane over the years when people have tried to twist, distort and deny things I know have happened. This is not a super power, its a learnt ability. I can cook well and have an excellent palet for tastes, smells and textures, so do many others. I think we all have things were good or very good at.

I think a lot of people get upset whent they find out I'm autustic, I'm often met with disbelief, because I look and act normal, male autists can be quite dismissive of me as a female autist.

I think there’s usually a flip-side to most things.  My super-power, if you call it that, is my hyper-focus. It’s enabled me to achieve some incredible things in my career. It has also driven my obsessive behaviour and hyper-vigilance such that I can sometimes be crippled with fear or anxiety. I’d call that more of a super-curse. I realise this is just me, I can’t change it, probably wouldn’t now that I’m used to coping, but super-power it certainly isn’t. That implies something wonderful that anyone would want. 

I have exactly the same experiences as you. My work is very physical as I do internal refurbishments for a living (self employed) and then I’m at it at home in a big way also. I never thought of this as a “special interest” but my attention to detail and the standard of my finish leaves me in high demand but very often exhausted. I guess this is because I prioritise how well I do my job over how much I charge. As you said I tend to worry over innocuous things even though after 20 years of experiencing these things that crop up you would think there’s no need to worry. 

Totally get that though 

I can relate to that, the thing that drives me being able to create things, like major DIY projects at home and do extremely well with certain things at work, also creates my own personal hell of worry and anxiety over the most innocuous things at times.

I can relate to that, the thing that drives me being able to create things, like major DIY projects at home and do extremely well with certain things at work, also creates my own personal hell of worry and anxiety over the most innocuous things at times.

I have exactly the same experiences as you. My work is very physical as I do internal refurbishments for a living (self employed) and then I’m at it at home in a big way also. I never thought of this as a “special interest” but my attention to detail and the standard of my finish leaves me in high demand but very often exhausted. I guess this is because I prioritise how well I do my job over how much I charge. As you said I tend to worry over innocuous things even though after 20 years of experiencing these things that crop up you would think there’s no need to worry. 

Totally get that though