Published on 12, July, 2020
School was a long time ago for me, almost 50 years, so autism wasn't "invented" then, of course people including me had it, it just wasn't recognised, we were "a bit slow", or the dreaded "could do better". I'm dyslexic too, another thing that wasn't recognised then, I found out at the age of 42 that about 60% of the dyslexia was caused by and astigmatism and was given the right glasses and could read the word little for the first time. I lose thin letters between fat one and to many uprights as in little are just a blur, if any of you have children who you think might be dyslexic, get them a proper eye test it could save years of hassle.
But thats sort of besides the point, I hated school, I didn't understand what was expected of me, all the other children knew each other. I'd never played with more than one child before school and was totally unprepared for the sheer amount of noise a class full of 5 year olds could make, I think I had a headache for the first couple of years. I was often classed as selfish because I didn't know how to share, never having had a need to before. I used to sit and watch other children and spent lots of time on my own, I didn't meet other children outside of school until I was about 8 or 9. I often wonder how much of this was autism and how much of it was social or circumstancial? I managed to survive primary school, but secondary school nearly finished me off, I used to truant regularly, I think I was a school refuser but nobody used that term then, you were just bad. I was bullied more or less constantly, maths was a nightmare I felt trapped in unable to wake up from, I was always in trouble for being "stupid", because nobody believed that I really didn't understand, except for the one time I did and was told off for getting the right answer by the wrong method, I gave up after that and stopped trying. I didn't really do well at all, the one O level I could of passed I wasn't allowed to do because the teacher didn't like me.
How different schools seem now, with special needs assistance, even when theres not enough of it etc.
What were your experiences of school? I'm interested in how the experience of older people is different to that of younger ones. Does the help, help? Does it add to your stress?
I was growing up in nineties. My school experience was quite similar to yours. I could not interact with more than one child. I used to look for other kid that was also quiet and outsider like me. The noise that other kids made was painful and unbearable. It still is that’s why I avoid working with children. The teachers used to force me to play with my peers until I went to meltdown and ran away screaming and crying. That made my situation worse because the other kids had fun of me. I was bullied all the time. I was the “shy” one, almost unable to speak (often having shutdowns). Teachers suggested my mom to have me tested but she said that I’m perfectly normal just like her. Yeah, mommy- ego. Anyways I had it all hard way. Always being the weirdo, disliked, bullied, but I was a bit lucky to be labeled by teachers as creative and intelligent. I had problems with algebra and generally everything that was complicated and abstract. But geometry geography and other stuff that you can picture - highest scores. And languages also good, it saved my skin in secondary school because my colleagues started coming to me for help so I made a deal with them. Help for no bullying. It worked although I never felt connected to them, I was always on different wavelength. At least I had bodyguards
The tragedy is how similar all of our stories are. Yeap, mommy and daddy never took the referral for Autism, 80s in Greece is was like I would be marked brain damaged, and to some extent it still is a stigma in Greece as we speak. I was so sorry to read myself in your comment. Then again, I would be more sorry to be those flatlined, easy to please, ordinary Neurotypical. I would not change myself or my past, I like who I am, sometimes impossible to live with, but worth it.
p.s. re Creativity, I found my peace in Music, and I love Cinematography but the latter is to "collaborating" for me.
I think it hurt my mom’s ego. “My daughter is autistic?! No way! My daughter is not broken!” Unfortunately I had it really hard way, if she only knew… I’m happy that at least now I know.
Very well said, and thought. What you described is how it was, "keep away from me" attitude all over. Its truly shocking how things were in the 80s, younger generations cant even fathom what was going on back then.
I also have a daughter, she is a Neurotypical, but she understands my autism, respects it and she has been my rock in this life. But as you said it, I try to be a better parent than my parents were, but truth is, I cant get that bad, its truly impossible to be so ignorant.
Happy for you and your daughter.