Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm in my mid 20s, and I started doing this when I was 13.
Quite often, if I'm stressed or angry, I'll skip meals because I just won't feel like it. If I've screwed up, I'll punish myself by not eating.
If I'm angry with someone, my way of sticking it to them is to not eat. It's kind of me being spiteful, like "that person is angry with me therefore I'll hurt myself".
There's probably little logic to it (!) but for me, it's a form of taking back some control.
HMO said:If I'm angry with someone, my way of sticking it to them is to not eat. It's kind of me being spiteful, like "that person is angry with me therefore I'll hurt myself".
This sounds like a therapists job to unravel why you want to punish others by making yourself suffer - it does seem like a form of projection.
Taking about it logically can show it is not doing what you are trying to do and you can develop techniques to deflect that anger into something healthier.
HMO said:it's a form of taking back some control.
Using logic it seems that it is not doing this at all - you are losing the control by becoming weak and hurt through it. Maybe deflect that anger into making a voodoo doll and use it to inflict the sorts of horrors on the other person.
Where you are the one causing the issue, redirect the punishment to something positive instead. Make yourself run 5 miles, clean the house, voulnteer for a days charity work or similar - it is still a punishment but one that doesn't harm you.
Doesn’t matter to what your eating issue/disorder may be linked, it’s always good to look into it as it’s essential for health generally for everyone. There is a risk of misdiagnosis for example anorexia, where it may be not the case. But still it’s better to have it consulted and in case if you dont agree with the specialist, to change the doctor.
I probably should too. I didn't think it was linked to anything though, just a "I'm sad and I feel sick, therefore if I eat I'll vomit it all up" thing.
Thank you for your answer. Now I eat regularly but what amazes my family, I eat always same things. Literally whole 2 years of same menu every week. 2 days fish, 2 days dumplings, 3 days tomato soup. And over and over and I er again. I love it. I hate meet such as pork and beef and it’s not that they taste bad but they feel like a rubber in my mouth. I hate the texture and smell of it. So I only tolerate fish and chicken, veggies, pasta, dumplings and maybe few other things.
I understand how you feel I am exactly the same. When I’m stressed or u feel down or angry. It is important not to force yourself but if you can manage it try soup or just eat a bit of bread or something. You are not alone I am exactly the same.
Alienatedhuman said:It’s better to speak to a doctor about it.
I agree. It is not always something we might be fortunate to spot in ourselves - so it is particularly good that you have become aware of it yourself, and mentioned it to others, but probably sensible not to ignore the "avoid meal" inclination.
If, and I am not an expert, so I am only wondering "if" - it were to potentially be the clue to being something worth tackling early on - instead of after some time / iterations later - I suspect you would not want to have missed out on the chance to work on the situation at this stage.
Why do I say this? Because I have learned that sometimes, as Autistic people, it is not uncommon to have complex relationships with food (presenting different ways at different stages across life). There are articles about food on the NAS website which highlight this type of understanding. I am not going to choose one and (in-expertly) float a potential "label". A GP would be better placed to make such a judgement call (particularly if the GP is already aware of your Autistism Disclosure etc.).
I also speak from "lived experience" - but I shall leave the story there - again, to avoid erroneously floating a "label" relating to food - which might turn out not to be applicable in your personal situation.
I’m so sorry that you are going through such a challenge. When I was in my mid 20’s I had a lot of stress and it might have something to do with me refusing food at all, like literally whole days I didn’t eat or only one small meal a day. Food seemed gross to me, but I can’t say if it was me wanting to punish myself or something else… I was just not hungry and food seemed gross I couldn’t touch it or smell it it made me sick. I didn’t want to lose weight I wasn’t pregnant either. After some time it passed itself but it was generally dangerous. I have fallen unconscious few times and I lost too much weight. I had such a period twice. It’s better to speak to a doctor about it. I should have done it but unfortunately I often didn’t take care of myself as I should. Now I learn to do it better.