Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm in my mid 20s, and I started doing this when I was 13.
Quite often, if I'm stressed or angry, I'll skip meals because I just won't feel like it. If I've screwed up, I'll punish myself by not eating.
If I'm angry with someone, my way of sticking it to them is to not eat. It's kind of me being spiteful, like "that person is angry with me therefore I'll hurt myself".
There's probably little logic to it (!) but for me, it's a form of taking back some control.
I’m so sorry that you are going through such a challenge. When I was in my mid 20’s I had a lot of stress and it might have something to do with me refusing food at all, like literally whole days I didn’t eat or only one small meal a day. Food seemed gross to me, but I can’t say if it was me wanting to punish myself or something else… I was just not hungry and food seemed gross I couldn’t touch it or smell it it made me sick. I didn’t want to lose weight I wasn’t pregnant either. After some time it passed itself but it was generally dangerous. I have fallen unconscious few times and I lost too much weight. I had such a period twice. It’s better to speak to a doctor about it. I should have done it but unfortunately I often didn’t take care of myself as I should. Now I learn to do it better.
I probably should too. I didn't think it was linked to anything though, just a "I'm sad and I feel sick, therefore if I eat I'll vomit it all up" thing.
Alienatedhuman said:It’s better to speak to a doctor about it.
I agree. It is not always something we might be fortunate to spot in ourselves - so it is particularly good that you have become aware of it yourself, and mentioned it to others, but probably sensible not to ignore the "avoid meal" inclination.
If, and I am not an expert, so I am only wondering "if" - it were to potentially be the clue to being something worth tackling early on - instead of after some time / iterations later - I suspect you would not want to have missed out on the chance to work on the situation at this stage.
Why do I say this? Because I have learned that sometimes, as Autistic people, it is not uncommon to have complex relationships with food (presenting different ways at different stages across life). There are articles about food on the NAS website which highlight this type of understanding. I am not going to choose one and (in-expertly) float a potential "label". A GP would be better placed to make such a judgement call (particularly if the GP is already aware of your Autistism Disclosure etc.).
I also speak from "lived experience" - but I shall leave the story there - again, to avoid erroneously floating a "label" relating to food - which might turn out not to be applicable in your personal situation.