Autism being used as a reason vs an excuse

When I was younger my temper cost me a few jobs, mostly ones im probably best out of anyway, eventually I found I knew myself better and also found more fitting roles so that combination helped. It's a balance you need to find of what you are happy to deal with V what you enjoy.

Having been diagnosed recently I look back and wonder, had I known then would I have been better armed to control myself, or more likely to say I couldn't do the job... Guess I'll never know!

It's never an excuse, but the expression "You're railing at me for soemthing I can;t do anything about, and which annoys me too" HAS crossed my lips.

The absolutely funniest result of letting people know I have the 'tism, was my mate telling his Mrs to stop telling him off for something because I am Autistic and need a calmer environment... 

There aren't many people I trust well enough to enjoy that sort of humour, but from him in that situation, it was really inclusive actually.

Really good topic! I would say the only way autism or other ND conditions may be abused - to try to get away with bad behaviors. It’s really subjective thing, wether someone uses it as an excuse or explanation. I would always stick to the explanation. Is the person able to make eye contact? Yes? Why don’t they do it then? Maybe because it feels bad? Maybe because this way they can’t concentrate on the topic? It’s easy to assume, accuse of being lazy, not trying hard enough, easy to gaslit someone even without malicious intention. I honestly started searching the golden Centre between masking and being myself. I stopped masking so hard, because it was damaging to me. Maybe it’s excuse from someone’s perspective. It’s ok. No one is sitting in my head and body to really know what I really feel. For me personally eye contact feels intrusive and like the other person’s eyes are burning mine. Maybe there are some cases of people who can get a decent job, but using a mild disability to hang on benefits. I don’t know but it’s not my job to judge. 

As a newcomer to my condition, this subject is one of the first things I thought about, particularly as a reflection on my own reaction to other people who I know with a confirmed ASD diagnosis.

It's very easy (lazy?) to adopt a stereotypical approach, even judgmental, about other people who are experiencing a meltdown or other symptom and assume that they are just using their condition as an excuse. And maybe, in some cases they are. But that's OK. When we suffer, we need to find a way, and sometimes that way is in the form of an excuse, either to ourselves or to others - just a way of coping. The fact that other people might consider it lame is irrelevant. I think what really must come first is your own experience and the way you deal with what is happening to you. Once you can get through it, maybe you can learn to deal with things without resorting to excuses, if that makes you feel bad. Personally, I don't see the need to make a distinction.

I tried writing it down for them and they got it - a bit more anyway.

Someone did help me with it, and I was able to take my time. 

That's a good idea. I've tried explaining a few times to the people I know but I don't think I explain it properly or very well. 

That's why I'm grateful for this community. It's nice being here because I can be myself and I know everyone understands.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Do you think it'd be any better if you wrote it down?

When I go in to meltdowns and struggle to work, it's cost me my jobs more times than I care to remember, my dad usually says I'm just using it as an excuse and I'm lazy and don't want to work.

Always horrible to hear this and sad that people think it's true.

I do try to explain. I can explain why I do or don't do certain things, or why I can or cannot do certain things but most of my family don't believe it.

ah this i thought on a bit... i used to see people saying not to use autism as a excuse and i thought that silly as its not a excuse but a reason and explanation.... but i do now see the excuse side.

but first, id say its to explain and to reason. example, if im not talking or not giving them the facial signals and they assume im hating them or something based on wrong body language then it can be used as a reason then.... as then youd use it as a reason for them to not get the wrong idea and assume you dont like them... .although likely i wouldnt say anything anyway, but yeah, if they know without me telling them then they can understand it. but i wont tell them anyway, so i likely wont even use it as a reason as id not bother talking anyway. it then requires their own knowledge of the condition and them to piece it together to see the way i am as the reason. damn, i complicated that too much...

anyway, the next is excuse.... i didnt think there was excuse but i have now see the excuse side.
the excuse side comes from when you diagnose kids with it too early when they havent even reached social development age and could actually still develop neurotypically for all we know. but then you early diagnose them and then it becomes a excuse for them to act out, a excuse to claim they are different.... when they may actually be wrong diagnosed that early and actually be neurotypical and using their too early wrong diagnosis as a excuse to act different in a way they assume autistic people would act. this is where you get them being loud angry and aggressive when thats more likely matching adhd but yet its all put on based on them being told they are autistic and trying to act that...and use it as a excuse for being bad, when autism isnt like that. they are trying to live up to a false diagnosis that was put on them too early, or trying to just take advantage of it as they think now their acting out will be allowed and shrugged off as autism.... but yeah, this only is when you slap the label onto kids too early... without the experience, without the trauma, without the suffering and realisation of what it actually is, they make it something else instead and use their way too early diagnosis as the excuse for anything. so i see that now but as i said thats mainly on kids. thats a issue of the system not waiting until a proper age where they have gone past social development age and have had enough experience and evidence of their life and their social life and actions and being.

edit: also parents can use it as a excuse to not try to discipline or control their child. the parent can use it as a excuse too.... let kid run riot.. oh hes autistic.. as a excuse... no, your a bad mother, control your kid.... my parents managed to control me and raise me right. parents using it as excuse to put no effort into parenting.... although maybe my parenting was likely smothering and ruining my social development there is that i suppose as i was never really allowed to play out with any other kids so could be that overly controlling strict discipline parent could more cause autism traits in the first place i suppose, but then the parent letting their kid run riot that kid would likely get better social development and again be wrong diagnosed as theyd be just a neurotypical on social development levels which is just undisciplined. which then would have me saying they are more adhd... but then they are likely not adhd but just had parents that were too lacking in discipline..