Old age hitting hard.

John R said:

Partner feels hopeless. Alone. Isolated. She can't see me ever changing.

The diagnosis changes nothing - it just informs you of why you are the way you are.

It isn't an excuse for anything - just a reason for it.

If you want to give your partner hope then ask her what you can change and try to make that change for her. Fight for the relationship and prove you are not set in stone and can do things that may be uncomfortable because it means a lot to her.

So long as you are not pushing yourself to any dangerout territory then what do you have to lose?

Thanks Iain. I shall try. 

For my long suffering partner, there has been a real understanding that whilst some things are never going to change, there's a reason.

When I forget to do stuff, it isn't because she isn't important, or I don't share her value about what's important it's because invisbile pixies in my head distracted me...

She also now tolerates me requesting better instructions, but I on the other hand have decreased expectations of my own reliabilty, and make an extra effort to compensate for what I now know to be more a serious deficiency than I previously could admit to possessing. 

It took me about three years to come back to some sense of "normality", after diagnosis.

My experience is that this does offer you some chance to make careful changes to your relationship and live more harmoniously. 

As I figure out better what my shortcomings are, I'm in a much better position to direct my efforts into making things a little better. When I dint; know I was Autisic there was always a mystery factor that frustrated many of my efforts, now I know what that is, I figure I can use my strengths more and skirt my weaker areas. 

For my long suffering partner, there has been a real understanding that whilst some things are never going to change, there's a reason.

When I forget to do stuff, it isn't because she isn't important, or I don't share her value about what's important it's because invisbile pixies in my head distracted me...

She also now tolerates me requesting better instructions, but I on the other hand have decreased expectations of my own reliabilty, and make an extra effort to compensate for what I now know to be more a serious deficiency than I previously could admit to possessing. 

It took me about three years to come back to some sense of "normality", after diagnosis.

My experience is that this does offer you some chance to make careful changes to your relationship and live more harmoniously. 

As I figure out better what my shortcomings are, I'm in a much better position to direct my efforts into making things a little better. When I dint; know I was Autisic there was always a mystery factor that frustrated many of my efforts, now I know what that is, I figure I can use my strengths more and skirt my weaker areas. 

Thanks for this. It's encouraging