I Don't Think Neurotypicals Understand What We Autistics Mean By Accommodate to Us Who Are Autistic

Maybe it’s also my fault in a way, that I often sit quiet, when they both talk and play I sit and enjoy watching them without talking anything because I don’t know what to talk and I don’t talk when I have nothing to say. I just sit and smile to them, but it’s hard for me to join the game, when there are already two of them. This and additionally earplugs may feel him uncomfortable or not loved. But I love them a lot I just do t know how to explain that sometimes it’s too much for me. He could see the grimace on my face and me covering my ears in pain when our daughter screamed and I didn’t have the protection yet.

I get it. I recently been considering the past few weeks that I just want to bury all my feelings deep inside and just not try no matter how much it upsets someone because it feels like no matter what I do, I lose and feeling like I have to appease everyone else with nothing in return. I get the frustration and the pain it causes to be stuck in this situation where you don't know what to do.

He thinks that I don’t wanna talk to them. It’s hard to talk to him, to explain the way that he gets it. I found one video on YouTube that perfectly simulates how it feels for Asperger’s to walk in the city. Maybe I show him this video… but then I would have to explain what is Asperger. Btw I love building little houses for my daughter out of Duplo blocks and she enjoys. And I enjoy with her just with the ear plugs. Since I use them I stopped getting panic attacks at home. 

enflores3000 said:

that's the problem they don't think it's a big deal but it is a big deal to us because it's over stimulating to you

Great point. This is what The Autistic Advocate Kieran Rose calls invalidation trauma.

I am so sorry that your being invalidated and I get it, that's the problem they don't think it's a big deal but it is a big deal to us because it's over stimulating to you. It's like why are they making a big deal out of something that bothers you and just accept that and let you do what you need to to not be over stimulated?

I can understand this. Noise is my greatest sensitivity and since I started wearing Loops i can see from my watch that my average heart rate has reduced. I can still hear okay, but it dulls noise enough to make it bearable.

Have you asked your husband what difference it makes to him? If you can still hear them talking etc then what harm does it do him?

My husband is angry that I wear earplugs at home because of the noise out daughter creates. I have no idea, how to explain to him that it hurts my ears. Her toys when she throws them, when she screams or just talks too loud. Coffee machine also irritates me. I’m not asking them to stop creating noise. I know that it’s normal and it is what it is. I’m just asking them to understand that I need to cover my ears. I still hear them, I still hear the birds singing or car passing or dog barking but it’s less intense. How my husband can understand… how to explain? Then of course I hear that I’m exaggerating and overreacting “it’s just a little kid” it’s just a toy etc… I’m not gonna mention anything about autism. I’m really scared of the reaction of my family. The thing is that I usually cover my ears in the city, but only when I walk alone. So nobody actually knows that. Now the situation is more challenging at home. 

That’s ok, I know what you mean.

Oh yes thanks, yes. I sometimes scramble letters. autocorrect catches most of it. DMS5 got it. If you ever read one of my missives before autocorrect you would be looking for a code breaker.

Do you mean the DSM5?

In as much as I am just as guilty of the following: generalizing is dangerous. My best NT friend is well read on the subject of autism and we both enjoy reading the MSD5 and making jokes with it. She worked with ND people when before she retired so she can understand me better. Another good friend still refuses to think of me as ND even though she, herself presents as ND. So it is hard to generalize. who knows how broad someones understanding is till we talk with them.

I'm glad it helps. I think it just helps to have people around you who try to understand. 

Holding a prejudice against or blaming the majority of humans on the planet - who are barely aware you exist and just trying to get by themselves - will only hurt yourself.

It's a nightmare right? :/

Yeah same for me. If I've got time to think and prepare on what I'll say then it goes much smoother. If I'm put on the spot then it will normally be a disaster and I'll crash and burn. 

I have an autism badge I bought from this site. It means I don't get bombarded with questions and it explains to people why I might be quiet or just in general be acting differently.

Has helped me a few times now

Another odd one I find is NT's with what I can only describe as diagnosis envy, they get so flustered about being normal whatever that is, I've had all sorts of bizarre responses, like 'I must be dyslexic too because I can't spell', why does your child get this extra help and mine dosen't, they're being given extra resourses! I think a lot of NT's are very competitive and think they're being hard done by, by not having this "attention", I've rarely met an attention seeking ND, I think most of us would rather not have all this focus on us, especially as it's often the wrong kind and adds to our woes rather than actually helping. But by all the gods, so many NT's attention seek and they don't admit to it either, they don't see what they're doing is unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. It's like when I get told 'that all of us are on the spectrum somewhere', what does that actually mean? It's so dismissive and again I feel attention seeking for themselves and dismissive for everybody else whatever their problems. I really think that for a lot of NT's life is all about power and power games and they really hate it when an ND points it out, it's got me in so much trouble over the years, even to the point of physical confrontation, which often makes me laugh like a maniac, or I just stand there and look at them with an 'I've seen bigger things crawl out of cheese' expression. For a lot of people a boundary is there to be broken or at least tested to destruction point, I try and avoid those people they're dangerous.

HMO said:

Yeah, I tend to swerve explaining things verbally. I have more success if there's an opportunity to think about it for a while rather than being expected to think on the spot.

I’m the same way, I can’t be put on the spot like that and I need time to process it all and I don’t get that and then the situation gets made worse and decisions get made because I need to think and process and I am once again feeling forced to make everyone else happy and no compromises whatsoever.

I find wearing visible Loop earplugs has a similar effect. People can’t help asking about them.

That's how I feel all the time, whether it's just myself thinking it or someone making something I can't help be the problem. It's like a constant compounding that I'm the problem, even me being nice like I am gets made a problem and it's just too much at times.

Yeah, I tend to swerve explaining things verbally. I have more success if there's an opportunity to think about it for a while rather than being expected to think on the spot.

I wear my sunflower lanyard when I can to avoid the conversation of "oh, just so you know, I'm autistic", but I'm open to people asking questions if they ever want to.