I Don't Think Neurotypicals Understand What We Autistics Mean By Accommodate to Us Who Are Autistic

Enflores, I think you and I have fallen victim to some of the same thing, mostly calling out the games NT people play without realising they play them. I've been in situations where I've felt I've been asigned a role in a story I didn't know about and then blamed for not sticking to my part. I've had people try and exclude me from social groups for various reasons. I think for NT's the worst crime you can commit is naming the game, I really don't think they know they're playing a game most of the time, their just following an internal script that we wern't born with. I often feel like I arrivd on this planet without the manual for being a woman in the late 20th, early 21stC. Obviously some NT's do know they're playing games and will manipulate the fears of others to rope them in too, we ND's become a handy scapegoat. Lots of people use scapegoating to try and prop up their social standing their sense of self, a false sense of security and OKness, they gang up and load then scapegoat up with all the "sins" and then cast it out. Oddly enough they pretty soon want it back when they realise all the problems are still there.

However I don't think all NT's are the same, many are understanding and try to live alongside ND's and build proper friendships and communities. If we're all open and honest I think NT's often come to value having their assumptions challenged.

I wonder if the NT's that don't want to accomodate us are the ones who don't want to accomadate anyone, those who go on about wokery at the National Trust because they don't use butter in their scones, who don't want to change the language they use about black people, women and LGBTQI people, who don't want to stop driving gas guzzling cars and are climate change deniers? I don't know what you do about those people, maybe laugh at them and patronise them back?

I don't believe all NTs are the same and some understand to an extent but it's not just people who are racist or misogynistic or anti-LGBTQ+ who do this, NT BIPOC, women, and LGBTQ+ do this as well and it's like for minority groups who want accommodated to and accepted they (again not all) can't do that for Autistic people? How is what they (again not all) doing not just as discriminatory as the rest?

I get your frustration and anger and I wasn't trying to dismiss it, there are a lot of people who are LGBTQI for example who are prejudiced against ND's, I think they're often prejudiced against other groups too, but that dosen't make it easier when they're commiting their ignorance to your face.

I wonder if it's because ND is still seen as a disorder and a health problem rather than a different way of being? We don't need fixing, we need some adaptations, we don't need medicating for being ND although we may need medicating for some of the side effects of living in a NT world. I heard something terrible the other day from a head teacher being interviewed on Newsnight about the rise of ND pupils, she spoke of them 'disregulating and needing to do to a quiet space to regulate their behaviour'. I found that word incredibly insulting, like ND's are a faulty boiler that needs a new thermostat and timer! Who comes up with this sort of language? How would they feel if it was used about them?

There are so many things I don't understand about the NT world, I often just blunder on regardless, if I upset people I usually appologise for the upset but not for what I've said or done. I'm lucky I have a small group of NT friends who by and large take the time to answer my questions, especially when I've made one of my massive both feet in mouth faux pas. There was a prpgram on telly a couple of months ago about an army prison and how they make you go for 20 mile runs and all sorts of other weird crazy stuff before throwing you out. I asked my friends most of whom have partners who are ex military, why the prisoners do as they're told and don't just tell them to go an do one? They did try and explain, but in the end none of us understood, but then I'm a rebel with many causes.

In all honesty, how much time do you think “NTs” spend thinking about this at all?

Unless they have an ND family member or friend, I’m guessing this is something they spend exactly zero time worrying about and I’m sure they don’t think of themselves as “NTs”.

NT's may be getting fatigued, they may be feeling their noses out of joint because they're not a majority anymore, they're one of a bunch of different types of humanity. Being more equal in numerical terms means a loss of power, especially as other groups such as ND's are becoming more aware and vocal, refusing to be patronised and marginalised. We can no longer be patted on the head and ignored, we are demanding our right to exist in the world as we are not as they would like us to be.

I'm not usually a fan of "us and them" type of politics or discussions, but sometimes I feel forced into taking a side and I won't be siding with NT's. I would like a world where there are only people, no men people, women people, child people, LGBTQI, ND, NT, or people of different races and religions, just to be able to see people in all our glory and humanity, including the bad bits.

Iain said:

Looking back at the original post would highlight this. The re-enactment of a battle with gunfire and cannon fire was noisy so would changing it to have only pops and minor bangs be reasonable when 99% of the people probably enjoy the "shock and awe" of the scene?

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

If you actually read the post correctly you’d see that before that I said

enflores3000 said:

Like I don't think us who are Autistic are asking a lot of people, yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

I pretty sure that me saying

enflores3000 said:

yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

makes it clear that I was using the reenactment as an example of how that’s

enflores3000 said:

things beyond our control

and so that is not the original intention of my post.

Iain said:

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

I was using ear protection, I had headphones in but we were very close to the people who were doing the reenactment and so they didn’t do much help. Maybe don’t make assumptions about things?

TheCatWoman said:

Another odd one I find is NT's with what I can only describe as diagnosis envy

I think it more likely to be that they are getting fatigued from so many groups appearing demanding special treatment (whether any of the letters from the LGBTQIA... groups, the neurodivergent groups, assorted disability groups etc) that they are starting to feel that they are being left out.

I think that expecting the majority to understand and accomodate the needs of a very disparate group of those with special needs (eg those who can't handle loud noises) will always be a problem. It must be less than 1% who are in this category so expecting the other 99% to make accommodations would be nice, but I suspect unreasonable.

enflores3000 said:

the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

Looking back at the original post would highlight this. The re-enactment of a battle with gunfire and cannon fire was noisy so would changing it to have only pops and minor bangs be reasonable when 99% of the people probably enjoy the "shock and awe" of the scene?

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

Another odd one I find is NT's with what I can only describe as diagnosis envy, they get so flustered about being normal whatever that is, I've had all sorts of bizarre responses, like 'I must be dyslexic too because I can't spell', why does your child get this extra help and mine dosen't, they're being given extra resourses! I think a lot of NT's are very competitive and think they're being hard done by, by not having this "attention", I've rarely met an attention seeking ND, I think most of us would rather not have all this focus on us, especially as it's often the wrong kind and adds to our woes rather than actually helping. But by all the gods, so many NT's attention seek and they don't admit to it either, they don't see what they're doing is unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. It's like when I get told 'that all of us are on the spectrum somewhere', what does that actually mean? It's so dismissive and again I feel attention seeking for themselves and dismissive for everybody else whatever their problems. I really think that for a lot of NT's life is all about power and power games and they really hate it when an ND points it out, it's got me in so much trouble over the years, even to the point of physical confrontation, which often makes me laugh like a maniac, or I just stand there and look at them with an 'I've seen bigger things crawl out of cheese' expression. For a lot of people a boundary is there to be broken or at least tested to destruction point, I try and avoid those people they're dangerous.

I feel the same way, I just don't understand a good majority of the world around me and I do wish we would stop being treated like a disorder and more of we just are different because it's who we are. It does have to do with the wording a lot and I think that happens with a lot (not all) NT people, they hear these words like "meltdown" or other terms that are very negative so it puts a lot of negativity on us who are Autistic. Like me being Autistic changes the fact that I'm a very empathetic person who tries to be kind, helpful, understanding and nonjudgmental but because I'm Autistic none of that means anything and it's like so I am different than others when it comes to my brain, I can't help that but why does it negate all the good things I do because I'm different and just want these boundaries respected? I just don't get it...

I feel the same way, I just don't understand a good majority of the world around me and I do wish we would stop being treated like a disorder and more of we just are different because it's who we are. It does have to do with the wording a lot and I think that happens with a lot (not all) NT people, they hear these words like "meltdown" or other terms that are very negative so it puts a lot of negativity on us who are Autistic. Like me being Autistic changes the fact that I'm a very empathetic person who tries to be kind, helpful, understanding and nonjudgmental but because I'm Autistic none of that means anything and it's like so I am different than others when it comes to my brain, I can't help that but why does it negate all the good things I do because I'm different and just want these boundaries respected? I just don't get it...

In all honesty, how much time do you think “NTs” spend thinking about this at all?

Unless they have an ND family member or friend, I’m guessing this is something they spend exactly zero time worrying about and I’m sure they don’t think of themselves as “NTs”.

NT's may be getting fatigued, they may be feeling their noses out of joint because they're not a majority anymore, they're one of a bunch of different types of humanity. Being more equal in numerical terms means a loss of power, especially as other groups such as ND's are becoming more aware and vocal, refusing to be patronised and marginalised. We can no longer be patted on the head and ignored, we are demanding our right to exist in the world as we are not as they would like us to be.

I'm not usually a fan of "us and them" type of politics or discussions, but sometimes I feel forced into taking a side and I won't be siding with NT's. I would like a world where there are only people, no men people, women people, child people, LGBTQI, ND, NT, or people of different races and religions, just to be able to see people in all our glory and humanity, including the bad bits.

Iain said:

Looking back at the original post would highlight this. The re-enactment of a battle with gunfire and cannon fire was noisy so would changing it to have only pops and minor bangs be reasonable when 99% of the people probably enjoy the "shock and awe" of the scene?

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

If you actually read the post correctly you’d see that before that I said

enflores3000 said:

Like I don't think us who are Autistic are asking a lot of people, yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

I pretty sure that me saying

enflores3000 said:

yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

makes it clear that I was using the reenactment as an example of how that’s

enflores3000 said:

things beyond our control

and so that is not the original intention of my post.

Iain said:

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

I was using ear protection, I had headphones in but we were very close to the people who were doing the reenactment and so they didn’t do much help. Maybe don’t make assumptions about things?

TheCatWoman said:

Another odd one I find is NT's with what I can only describe as diagnosis envy

I think it more likely to be that they are getting fatigued from so many groups appearing demanding special treatment (whether any of the letters from the LGBTQIA... groups, the neurodivergent groups, assorted disability groups etc) that they are starting to feel that they are being left out.

I think that expecting the majority to understand and accomodate the needs of a very disparate group of those with special needs (eg those who can't handle loud noises) will always be a problem. It must be less than 1% who are in this category so expecting the other 99% to make accommodations would be nice, but I suspect unreasonable.

enflores3000 said:

the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

Looking back at the original post would highlight this. The re-enactment of a battle with gunfire and cannon fire was noisy so would changing it to have only pops and minor bangs be reasonable when 99% of the people probably enjoy the "shock and awe" of the scene?

In reality I think the poster should have realised it would be noisy and either worn appropriate ear protection or not gone.

Another odd one I find is NT's with what I can only describe as diagnosis envy, they get so flustered about being normal whatever that is, I've had all sorts of bizarre responses, like 'I must be dyslexic too because I can't spell', why does your child get this extra help and mine dosen't, they're being given extra resourses! I think a lot of NT's are very competitive and think they're being hard done by, by not having this "attention", I've rarely met an attention seeking ND, I think most of us would rather not have all this focus on us, especially as it's often the wrong kind and adds to our woes rather than actually helping. But by all the gods, so many NT's attention seek and they don't admit to it either, they don't see what they're doing is unhelpful at best and harmful at worst. It's like when I get told 'that all of us are on the spectrum somewhere', what does that actually mean? It's so dismissive and again I feel attention seeking for themselves and dismissive for everybody else whatever their problems. I really think that for a lot of NT's life is all about power and power games and they really hate it when an ND points it out, it's got me in so much trouble over the years, even to the point of physical confrontation, which often makes me laugh like a maniac, or I just stand there and look at them with an 'I've seen bigger things crawl out of cheese' expression. For a lot of people a boundary is there to be broken or at least tested to destruction point, I try and avoid those people they're dangerous.