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I Don't Think Neurotypicals Understand What We Autistics Mean By Accommodate to Us Who Are Autistic

enflores3000

I think people who are neurotypical don't honestly get what we Autistics are asking when it comes to us asking to be accommodated to and I feel it has to do with the brainwashing they to over complicate and over think things.

Like I don't think us who are Autistic are asking a lot of people, yeah there are things beyond our control, like the other day I went to a reenactment and they had some loud noises with guns and cannons going off which was a sensory overload for me.

I mean for me to have a function relationship with me is simple:

  1. Don't say things you don't mean. I get there is things that happen, for example, you want to go to the store but your car isn't working so you can't, that's one thing.
  2. Don't be a hypocrite and have double standards and get upset with me for doing the same thing you were doing. Like for example, my friend is upset that I talked to people and showed them a private conversation between us and yet they went and brought their friends into things long before me. Told me not to tell anyone but it's okay for him to, but I'm the problem...
  3. Don't assume things about me and make me like I am neurotypicals. I'm not neurotypical so my way of thinking isn't the way of thinking like other neurotypicals. Like for example, I've been accused of having a "hidden agenda" or like I'm some vindictive person trying to hurt people when that's not the case, I am either very upset because I don't feel heard or I'm telling my side of the story and showing the evidence to back me up so people know I'm not lying.
  4. Have your actions meet your words. Like if people say they understand, show me you understand.
  5. Don't put words in my mouth that I don't say. If I'm not saying it, then I don't mean that.
  6. Compromise with me so we both can get what we want, don't make it where it is one trying to force the other to do just what they want.

How is stuff like this hard for neurotypicals to conform to just so I can function? What about anyone else? What is it that you need accommodated that neurotypicals don't seem to understand?

Parents

  • My husband is angry that I wear earplugs at home because of the noise out daughter creates. I have no idea, how to explain to him that it hurts my ears. Her toys when she throws them, when she screams or just talks too loud. Coffee machine also irritates me. I’m not asking them to stop creating noise. I know that it’s normal and it is what it is. I’m just asking them to understand that I need to cover my ears. I still hear them, I still hear the birds singing or car passing or dog barking but it’s less intense. How my husband can understand… how to explain? Then of course I hear that I’m exaggerating and overreacting “it’s just a little kid” it’s just a toy etc… I’m not gonna mention anything about autism. I’m really scared of the reaction of my family. The thing is that I usually cover my ears in the city, but only when I walk alone. So nobody actually knows that. Now the situation is more challenging at home. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I can understand this. Noise is my greatest sensitivity and since I started wearing Loops i can see from my watch that my average heart rate has reduced. I can still hear okay, but it dulls noise enough to make it bearable.

    Have you asked your husband what difference it makes to him? If you can still hear them talking etc then what harm does it do him?

  • in reply to Deleted User

    He thinks that I don’t wanna talk to them. It’s hard to talk to him, to explain the way that he gets it. I found one video on YouTube that perfectly simulates how it feels for Asperger’s to walk in the city. Maybe I show him this video… but then I would have to explain what is Asperger. Btw I love building little houses for my daughter out of Duplo blocks and she enjoys. And I enjoy with her just with the ear plugs. Since I use them I stopped getting panic attacks at home. 

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  • in reply to Deleted User

    He thinks that I don’t wanna talk to them. It’s hard to talk to him, to explain the way that he gets it. I found one video on YouTube that perfectly simulates how it feels for Asperger’s to walk in the city. Maybe I show him this video… but then I would have to explain what is Asperger. Btw I love building little houses for my daughter out of Duplo blocks and she enjoys. And I enjoy with her just with the ear plugs. Since I use them I stopped getting panic attacks at home. 

Children
  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Ah, yes, I suspect most people I know would be quite surprised if they could watch me in my private moments. Home is a sanctuary where I rest and recover (and hide?)  and that involves a lot of quiet and staring into space doing nothing in particular.

    I can see that it might be difficult to adapt to if they’ve only ever seen your public / masked personality.

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I’m not sure, I will ask him. We are living in a small town, quiet area. I used to work in Berlin and there I always had something in my ears, but when I was alone. When I was with him I didn’t dare to put anything in my ears, he could maybe see my expression when being in some noisy place such as underground or the city center, but it was for short enough for me to endure it and recover. The problem arose now at home because I have to deal with it on daily basis. We never go for parties together, he knows that I have no friends here and hate parties and noise generally, so he goes to see his friends alone. 

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Surely he must have observed these things in you when you were getting to know each other before you married?

  • in reply to enflores3000

    Maybe it’s also my fault in a way, that I often sit quiet, when they both talk and play I sit and enjoy watching them without talking anything because I don’t know what to talk and I don’t talk when I have nothing to say. I just sit and smile to them, but it’s hard for me to join the game, when there are already two of them. This and additionally earplugs may feel him uncomfortable or not loved. But I love them a lot I just do t know how to explain that sometimes it’s too much for me. He could see the grimace on my face and me covering my ears in pain when our daughter screamed and I didn’t have the protection yet.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    I get it. I recently been considering the past few weeks that I just want to bury all my feelings deep inside and just not try no matter how much it upsets someone because it feels like no matter what I do, I lose and feeling like I have to appease everyone else with nothing in return. I get the frustration and the pain it causes to be stuck in this situation where you don't know what to do.