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Fear of people seeing me seeing them

Colin
1 month ago

Hi

I'm not sure if my questions are even autism related or if it's just me but I'll ask anyway.

For the whole of my life, I've hated people outside seeing me in my house. Even if I'm stood looking out my window and a neighbour comes out of their house onto the street. I hide so they don't see me but it happens so often that they must have seen me hiding. If I bump into them outside or when leaving the house it isn't a problem but we've never brought up the weirdness of me hiding from them. Actually, now I think about it, if I see somebody I know in Tesco and they haven't seen me, I always hide.

So, my questions: is this an autism thing? Can I get over this fear of people seeing me seeing them? Should I bring up that weird behaviour next time I'm talking to a neighbour?

Thanks

  • 1 month ago

    I often spend time looking out of my windows watching the world go by. Whilst I don't usually feel compelled to hide myself from view, I can sometimes feel uncomfortable when it becomes obvious that people are looking back at me. Where I live there can sometimes be suspicious activity, so when I look out of my windows it can be because I want to see if there are any decidedly dodgy dealings taking place.

    One thing that does make me feel bad is if I'm walking past homes when it's dark. If the lights are on and I can see into the homes, I find I automatically tend to look if I'm aware of movement. I dare say that if the people living in those homes were bothered by passers-by looking in, then they would probably close their curtains/blinds. However, when I know they have seen me looking in, I can't help but feel a tad guilty... as though I'm invading their privacy.

  • 1 month ago in reply to Colin

    One thing I did think after replying....

    I do struggle with inertia and often find I'm still staring not yet reacting (waving, smiling the fake smile, etc.) for a few seconds some times. So I am conscious of that looking a bit weird.

    In public places I'm very self conscious, I feel like I'm being watched and judged and need to ensure I'm not doing anything weird, it's exhausting in the office, working from home a lot has helped, the dog doesn't judge!

  • 1 month ago in reply to Autisician

    I really can't work out why I hide but while I'm thinking about it, I don't like it being the other way round either. I don't even look at windows of houses as I walk down the street in case there's somebody inside that will see me.
    I was thinking that by bringing it up with the neighbours, I can ask them if they mind me seeing them, waving or whatever - you know, find out what is normal.

    One thing I've learned about over thinking is that I'll never find out the answers to things like this by only talking to myself

  • 1 month ago

    I do this too sometimes, usually when I see they saw me looking I assume they think I was "spying on them" so rather than smile and wave I often dash away, probably making it look far worse.

    I think it's overthinking on my part that makes me do that, which might be autism or just that I'm an overthinker who's autistic.

  • 1 month ago

    I don't know if it's an autism thing or not. But maybe you could ask yourself some questions like why am I afraid? What would happen if they saw me? Have you been told not to stare out of windows when you were growing up? I wouldn't say anything to neighbours, they're probably just going about life and wern't aware you were there so it could cause the awkwardness you want to mitigate