Published on 12, July, 2020
Someone asked for my opinion on something they had made and I said I have no feelings towards it, they said that I'm being upsetting and my mom said that I should lie from time to time and stop being honest.
I'm just really confused; why would you ask something but not want the truth and only expect a socially acceptable answer that you already know what would be? Is this a fun game of lies for them that I'm not getting? Or them asking for my opinion is actually: 'Tell me something good and make me feel better about myself' in a hidden way? Personally, I don't get much out of compliments; if I'm not feeling good about something, people's opinions can never change that, sure I think it's nice of them to share their thoughts on something they like about me, but now that I've learnt that people think compliments can be lies, that also doesn't make any sense anymore, does it?
Cosmo said:Someone asked for my opinion on something they had made and I said I have no feelings towards it, they said that I'm being upsetting
Caelus has it when he points out that an opinion was requested but you responded with your feelings (or lack thereof) about it - not what was asked for. This is probably why the requester was upset.
The most effective reply if you don't have an opinion is to say something like "I don't really know enough about it to offer a useful opinion"
Cosmo said:I'm just really confused; why would you ask something but not want the truth and only expect a socially acceptable answer that you already know what would be?
This is because people often ask for opinions when they are actually asking for support - it takes a lot of practice to identify when this is the case.
If you have even a suspicion that this is the case then it is worth asking for more info from the person about the situation and if you hear them asking for stuff like "people shouldn't do this, should they?" or "this isn't normal, is it?" where they are asking for validation, then you know they are really just looking for support for their viewpoint.
These sort of social interactions are a common problem area for us but if you listen for the subtle signs then you soon can work out how to respond.
It would be nice if it was more clear cut, but this sort of interaction works for the 90% of people who are neurotypical so it is a useful skill to learn for us.
No it wasn't anything like that, it wasn't something that one needs to know more about and it wasn't related to their hobby or skill, and when I said they asked for my opinion I meant more like that they asked if it's ok, not what I think, just asked :'Is this good?' and I said I've no feelings towards it, it was just not something that could be bad or good.
It was about something very specific to my culture that's why I didn't mention it, but it's kind of like a Christmas tree, it's a celebration item, like imagine they asked if they've decorated the Christmas tree nicely and I answer I'm neutral, like I know my answer is weird but I think there's no reason for me to get scolded so much and be treated like a villain, I just don't feel like showing fake joy and thrill.
Yeah there's no reason to reject it just cause I think it's bulls**t, but I will not stop rejecting sorry, I will die on this hill lol, there's just so many other things they do that's not even good for them, like saying 'No' is rude in their culture, that is just hurtful.
Yes, deflecting, good idea. I will just learn how to change the topic in a way that seems natural since I can't lie. Thank you for your time lain!