Why do people ask for my opinion when they don't want it?

It's great that we all agree on this, it makes me feel less unsure of my views.

Weird that our logic makes perfect sense and shows up NT thinking as being flawed, but society would never see it that way I guess, madness really! 

Right? It's nice to hear someone sees the same thing as me. Thank you for the reply! 

Yes exactly my thoughts, very well said. 

I’m with you on this and it is one of reasons why talking to neurotypical people can be so exhausting- you never know if what they said is what they actually meant or whether they are implying something else or conforming to some illogical rule of not being honest out of politeness etc. That then means that I can’t take anything they say at face value and have to second guess and overthink everything afterward to try and figure out the true meaning. I prefer someone to be honest at all times even if sometimes it is not easy to hear the truth. If I know someone will always be honest I trust them so much more and it actually feels good when they say positive things because I know they mean it. No idea why neurotypicals think talking in riddles is the way to go

If it was me I would want to hear the truth- otherwise how can I ever trust what you tell me? If i know you are willing to tell me when you don’t like something then I know that when you do say positive things you mean it. Otherwise it is all meaningless. But for some reason neurotypical people don’t seem to see it this way

Yeah there's no reason to reject it just cause I think it's bulls**t, but I will not stop rejecting sorry, I will die on this hill lol, there's just so many other things they do that's not even good for them, like saying 'No' is rude in their culture, that is just hurtful.

Yes, deflecting, good idea. I will just learn how to change the topic in a way that seems natural since I can't lie. Thank you for your time lain! 

They're called "Askholes".

Cosmo said:

I think there's no reason for me to get scolded so much and be treated like a villain, I just don't feel like showing fake joy and thrill. 

This is a part of the social "contract" that neurotypicals have amongst themselves that they assume you also have. They expect support from their friends and colleagues when they ask for it (which they were doing here), but the fact you are neurodivers and gave a negative response (effectively saying that you have no feelings - ie you don't care) is the reason for their reaction.

Agree with it or not, this is part of the way that the vast majority of society works and just because it doesn't seem logial to you is not a reason to reject it.

There is no need to be fake, just learn to deflect with care and compassion.

Yeah makes sense, and I'm too logical too I guess. 

I just think people should give zero f**ks about my opinion when it comes to things like their appearance or stuff like their art and such, and I'm saying that out of love. Like, just be and do whatever feels good, I don't matter here. 

Sometimes it's a confidence thing "do I look ok?" It's a very subjective question anyway, I might think they look stupid but someone else would say not, I always see that more as a question of whether I think they need a boost of confidence to get over something. If it's something heavy I'll usually just be honest or say nothing.

I don't ever really do the same as I'd assume people would just say I looked great to make me feel better, I'm too logical (my own flawed logic :) )

But what good would reassurance do if it's a lie and they know it too? It's like they say: please lie to me... like why? what's the good in that? 

It was about something very specific to my culture that's why I didn't mention it, but it's kind of like a Christmas tree, it's a celebration item, like imagine they asked if they've decorated the Christmas tree nicely and I answer I'm neutral, like I know my answer is weird but I think there's no reason for me to get scolded so much and be treated like a villain, I just don't feel like showing fake joy and thrill. 

No it wasn't anything like that, it wasn't something that one needs to know more about and it wasn't related to their hobby or skill, and when I said they asked for my opinion I meant more like that they asked if it's ok, not what I think, just asked :'Is this good?' and I said I've no feelings towards it, it was just not something that could be bad or good. 

I spotted this too, took me a while to learn to recognise when someone just wants reassurance rather than my opinion. Anyone who knows me well will also be careful when actually asking for my opinion as it might be brutally honest.

I'm almost 50 now and after realising around age 12 that I was different somehow, then a long time after that figuring out why, eventually getting diagnosed only recently. In all that time I worked out how to exist in a world with NTs but not necessarily "understand" them. Aside their weird behaviour there's a lot to like too, if you find the right ones. 

Still struggling along, some days tougher than others, but hey, "nothing good comes easy" 

Cosmo said:

Someone asked for my opinion on something they had made and I said I have no feelings towards it, they said that I'm being upsetting

Caelus has it when he points out that an opinion was requested but you responded with your feelings (or lack thereof) about it - not what was asked for. This is probably why the requester was upset.

The most effective reply if you don't have an opinion is to say something like "I don't really know enough about it to offer a useful opinion"

Cosmo said:

I'm just really confused; why would you ask something but not want the truth and only expect a socially acceptable answer that you already know what would be?

This is because people often ask for opinions when they are actually asking for support - it takes a lot of practice to identify when this is the case.

If you have even a suspicion that this is the case then it is worth asking for more info from the person about the situation and if you hear them asking for stuff like "people shouldn't do this, should they?"  or "this isn't normal, is it?" where they are asking for validation, then you know they are really just looking for support for their viewpoint.

These sort of social interactions are a common problem area for us but if you listen for the subtle signs then you soon can work out how to respond.

It would be nice if it was more clear cut, but this sort of interaction works for the 90% of people who are neurotypical so it is a useful skill to learn for us.

Yeah jokes are a great way of just saying something when there's really nothing to say. 

well to be perfectly fair that wasnt even a opinion, to state you have no feelings on something is more of a neutral thing. saying you have no opinion on it, so that is more of a "i have no opinion on it" kinda thing, so i dont understand why they took that as a opinion when its clearly not and its more of a no opinion response lol

my kickboxing coach showed me a picture of his dog and said isnt it cute, i said nah its ugly lol he was ok with that, although i did say it as a joke my real opinion would be of no opinion as a dog is just a dog to me.