Why do people ask for my opinion when they don't want it?

Cosmo said:

Someone asked for my opinion on something they had made and I said I have no feelings towards it, they said that I'm being upsetting

Caelus has it when he points out that an opinion was requested but you responded with your feelings (or lack thereof) about it - not what was asked for. This is probably why the requester was upset.

The most effective reply if you don't have an opinion is to say something like "I don't really know enough about it to offer a useful opinion"

Cosmo said:

I'm just really confused; why would you ask something but not want the truth and only expect a socially acceptable answer that you already know what would be?

This is because people often ask for opinions when they are actually asking for support - it takes a lot of practice to identify when this is the case.

If you have even a suspicion that this is the case then it is worth asking for more info from the person about the situation and if you hear them asking for stuff like "people shouldn't do this, should they?"  or "this isn't normal, is it?" where they are asking for validation, then you know they are really just looking for support for their viewpoint.

These sort of social interactions are a common problem area for us but if you listen for the subtle signs then you soon can work out how to respond.

It would be nice if it was more clear cut, but this sort of interaction works for the 90% of people who are neurotypical so it is a useful skill to learn for us.

Cosmo said:

Someone asked for my opinion on something they had made and I said I have no feelings towards it, they said that I'm being upsetting

Caelus has it when he points out that an opinion was requested but you responded with your feelings (or lack thereof) about it - not what was asked for. This is probably why the requester was upset.

The most effective reply if you don't have an opinion is to say something like "I don't really know enough about it to offer a useful opinion"

Cosmo said:

I'm just really confused; why would you ask something but not want the truth and only expect a socially acceptable answer that you already know what would be?

This is because people often ask for opinions when they are actually asking for support - it takes a lot of practice to identify when this is the case.

If you have even a suspicion that this is the case then it is worth asking for more info from the person about the situation and if you hear them asking for stuff like "people shouldn't do this, should they?"  or "this isn't normal, is it?" where they are asking for validation, then you know they are really just looking for support for their viewpoint.

These sort of social interactions are a common problem area for us but if you listen for the subtle signs then you soon can work out how to respond.

It would be nice if it was more clear cut, but this sort of interaction works for the 90% of people who are neurotypical so it is a useful skill to learn for us.

No it wasn't anything like that, it wasn't something that one needs to know more about and it wasn't related to their hobby or skill, and when I said they asked for my opinion I meant more like that they asked if it's ok, not what I think, just asked :'Is this good?' and I said I've no feelings towards it, it was just not something that could be bad or good. 

I spotted this too, took me a while to learn to recognise when someone just wants reassurance rather than my opinion. Anyone who knows me well will also be careful when actually asking for my opinion as it might be brutally honest.

I'm almost 50 now and after realising around age 12 that I was different somehow, then a long time after that figuring out why, eventually getting diagnosed only recently. In all that time I worked out how to exist in a world with NTs but not necessarily "understand" them. Aside their weird behaviour there's a lot to like too, if you find the right ones. 

Still struggling along, some days tougher than others, but hey, "nothing good comes easy"