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Newly diagnosed adult now feeling lost

Lee
7 months ago

I am a 39 year old Male, newly diagnosed and struggling with the official diagnosis and looking for support and to sharing stories with others. 

I have long thought that I was autistic and have after years of waiting, had a a formal diagnosis, but this has turned up all manner of feelings which I didn't expect.

I always thought this would bring validation, but now I feel lost and like I have wronged everyone and should be apologizing to everyone. I also don't want to disclose to anyone, but the only thing I can think of during every conversation is that I have autism and to tell the person. 

I have a job and a wife and have read so many things in this last weeks, but I am struggling with being my old self, let alone unmasking.

Does anyone have advice as to how they have managed after a diagnosis and disclosure to people.

I'm most anxious about disclosures to work and controlling who knows. 

I don't want an excuse, or people talking about it, pointing it out, pandering to me or giving sympathy, asking me to take a break, any of it. 

Parents
  • 7 months ago

    Hi Lee

    I think that most of us struggle with the immediate aftermath of a positive diagnosis - no matter how much we were expecting or how much research that we had done prior.

    You can expect a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions in the days and weeks after receiving your diagnosis.
    There is no rush or need to make knee jerk decisions - take your time.

    As far as disclosure is concerned, I have always been an advocate of being open and honest with people close to me as well as work colleagues. Having said that, I am not so sure now for a couple of reasons.

    1. I have a very very small circle of friends. Well, 2 guys in fact and whilst I appreciate the everyone (even NTs) have a lot going on and hassles to deal with, it does seem a bit more lonely for me recently.

    2. My work have been supportive for a couple of years. I informed my manager & HR that I suspected that I was autistic and kept them up to date. Unfortunately, it seems that the company are no longer able / willing to support me going forward and for that reason, this is my last week of working.

    However, I'm still leaning towards disclosure to the people that you interact with on a regular basis (family, friends, colleagues). It's not about having an excuse or getting sympathy. Instead, its about helping people understand the real [unmasked] you and hopefully they will accept and support the real you going forward.

    One thing for sure is that you really start to understand who your real friends are!

    I hope that this gives you some help / direction, and I wish you the absolute very best with your diagnosis.

  • 7 months ago in reply to GPK26

    How have they stopped supporting you?

  • 7 months ago in reply to Sleep Now in the Fire

    I've needed to take a lot of time off sick over the past 2-3 years due to various health conditions - ASD being only one piece of the puzzle.

    It got to the point where my employer was struggling to schedule projects and stuff because they didnt know if I'd be working the next day, whether I'd be off for a single day, several days, several months.

    So, to avoid further complications (on both sides), we have mutually agreed that I will leave at the end of this week. Really sucks, I feel **** about it, but at least they aren't just kicking me out and that there is token support in the agreement.

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  • 7 months ago in reply to Sleep Now in the Fire

    I've needed to take a lot of time off sick over the past 2-3 years due to various health conditions - ASD being only one piece of the puzzle.

    It got to the point where my employer was struggling to schedule projects and stuff because they didnt know if I'd be working the next day, whether I'd be off for a single day, several days, several months.

    So, to avoid further complications (on both sides), we have mutually agreed that I will leave at the end of this week. Really sucks, I feel **** about it, but at least they aren't just kicking me out and that there is token support in the agreement.

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