Parents of autistic adults.

So I am 49.  I live with my parents.  I actually hate that I live with my parents and feel like a complete failure in life.  My problems are not just related to ASD, I have a ton of other health issues as well.

So I didn't always live at home.  I lived away from home for probably 17 or so years, lived and maintained my own home, went to university and college, lived all over the country.  I am high functioning and diagnosed late in life, so the diagnosis was just the answering of a question, not so much any functional addition to my life.

Everyone struggles, with life.  Both ND and NT, it's just not an easy process.  Everyone has challenges.  For a lot of us social related things are the main challenge, so we generally don't have relationships or friendships, or if we do, they are often broken/damaged things that may or may not last.  If that is one of his problems, it's just reality.  i can't say it will get any better.  If he is lucky, maybe it will.  Working will generally always be hard and cause massive stress.  We can either try and find solutions or put up with it.  Plus more.

What is your son struggling with exactly?

Hi CAPYBARA. MEL., 

I'm 32 and still have challenges, what stands out to me is "feel lost or stuck in life." What is lost can be found, and 'what is life?' is a subjective question. 

My Dad and a few other people in my family are the only support I have, my Dad took my advice. I advised him to stop allowing societal expectations to interfere with his own view of what is life. All the expectations like we should be able to do certain things by a certain age are man-made narratives by Francis Galton, Karl Pearson, and Ronald Fisher, 3 eugenecists in the 19th and early 20th century.  

I reminded him he doesn't have to follow narratives, especially when he sees something about the social norm as immoral. If you don’t want to be a follower of racist eugenecists you'll need to let go of all the milestones, once you come to acceptance that there's nothing wrong about having unusual challenges and that life is not socially deterministic, it becomes easier to accept the challenges and provide help and support.

Something else to remember is that disabilities are contextual, who's disabled is determined by social context and not a person's biology. That's why there's a relationship between social settings and disability. 

Hello CAPYBARA. MEL.,

Welcome to the community! I hope you feel well supported here and are able to connect with other community members who may have had similar experiences to you.

All the best,

ChloeMod