Published on 12, July, 2020
Whenever I would hear the saying "no one's going to like you if you don't like yourself" or "if you don't love yourself, how are you gonna love yourself", I used to reject it instantly. I would be like "how dare you suggest I'm unworthy of love" or something.
I think differently now, as I get where it comes from. I know that I'm not the most fun to be around at the moment in what I would probably describe (if pushed) as a deep depression, although I'd more comfortably describe it as me just suffering the consequences of my own actions.
It did make me think though. My problem is I don't know the difference between self-love and arrogance. I'm so scared I'll come across as cocky and full of myself, so I go to the other extreme instead because it's more comfortable.
I've fully convinced myself that if I ever said "I'm proud of myself", the people around me would be like "you're so up yourself". Therefore I don't say it at all.
Dunno, I'm intrigued if there's anything that has worked for people and whether you see a change in how people respond to you if you start doing it.
This is something I find hard to do and I’m not sure how to do it exactly but like you I have had people say to me u need to self love.
Concentrate on doing what it takes to genuinely like yourself. From the very bottom. Take small steps.
I have the tendency to go to the other extreme though. Overly self deprecating and generally negative.
Of course, at this point, it'd be a fairly obvious facade.
I think ,if you present as a walking commercial about yourself, you probably will convince people for a while, but the subterfuge won't last. Can you keep up the lie permenantly? If not why bother?
That is true. It's even harder when it's not a signal, it's the absolute truth.
It's a slower process, to put it lightly.
There's a difference between confidence and arrogance. Many people have a quiet confidence. It isnt something you have to shout from the rooftops. This idea of liking yourself is a process. I'd say it's more about accepting. Once you accept your own differences you can accept them in other people without trying to change them. I believe acceptance leads to contentment which leads to happiness. I also think there's a "reflective" process that happens when we are around others.
Yeah, there's a fine line between being confident and outright arrogant. People get confused about that all the time, I think. Worse still, some people think being arrogant is acceptable or should be encouraged. The Kardashians are extremely arrogant, for example, and it's tedious. They're just obnoxious, but the fact so many people are envious of them is ridiculous.
There's nothing wrong with finding contentment. Where you're just satisfied with your present situation.
That's what I've learned to appreciate over the last 10 years, particularly after reading a lot of Japanese literature. Tanizaki and the like. The authors teach you how to find enjoyment in the minor things in life (Teaism, minimalism, mingei), which then makes you realise social constructs such as wealth, power, status etc. are all nonsense. Very childish and idiotic.
So long as you're not going around with a smug grin telling everyone you're better than they are, you're generally going to be a pretty likeable person. So, just take that step and find that first step up in your confidence.
To be honest it’s a bit of advice that’s always irritated me.
Partly because it’s almost certainly true that people won’t like you if you don’t like yourself, but mainly because it’s very difficult to like yourself when every signal you receive from the world suggests that you aren’t likeable.
I suppose it’s a bit of a chicken and egg situation.