Is it just us

Another option  ,yes and one I didn't even  think about.so once again  Thank you .Will be looking into that most definitely. A great idea ,after reading all the reply a little more upbeat.

Ah bless him. Acceptance is such a difficult one, it will happen but when he's good and ready. It's awesome that you're offering so much support and encouragement to him. Have you considered an online therapist, one who will do appointments via video call? This might be easiest for him as it means he wouldn't have to leave the house meaning less stress hopefully. 

Just a suggestion to add to your list of potential options. Hope this helps you.

Thank you again.This is where Euan would be helpful as I'm a dinosaur  when it comes to tech.would I just re-post on a different discussion  

Thank you for your reply.every reply helps my wife and I in some way.Regarding the online community, I would love him to take part but until he accepts his diagnosis I fear that this will never happen.i have said on a number of occasions that if he could only accept the diagnosis  he would be so much happier but unfortunately  as I said in my post he doesn't want to hear he just wants to stay in his bubble where he obviously  feels safe.this is why I was thinking of trying to get him an appointment  with a professional  who can hopefully  make him understand that being autistic  is OK. It's just what type of professional and are they local.let me finish of my ramblings  by Thanking you and everyone else who has given great advice and taken the time to reply to my post. 

Thanks

I'm really sorry to hear your son is struggling so much. Autism brings many challenges with it and unfortunately it can pull you down and make you question yourself. I've been there. I think if he could join an online community, like this, or reach out to an autism professional then it will hopefully help him come to terms with things and make sense of who he is. I can recommend NAS, I used their service when I was going through difficult times, it cost money but their help and support was invaluable.

Your son is lucky to have such a caring and supportive Dad. Not every parent is like you unfortunately but it's great to hear you're offering so much support, that in itself will be helping him a lot. I hope things improve for your son soon.

Perhaps it might feel useful doing this post within parents/carers discussion of this community as a way to try and get even more ideas from others

Wow ,you could be my son.Thank you so much as what you have said has given us a great deal of hope,other people have mentioned that he might be going through his teenage years and continue to do so until well into his 20s  but what I have learned and mostly through the advice and experience from the people on this forum is patience, not to expect him to change quickly and if he never does be there for him ,As I always will.i seem to be saying the next part quite a bit lately. Thank you so much for A ,the advice and B,replying and trying to help

You could be describing me at that age. I'm a older now but from the ages of 14-18 I inhabited my computer and played games online all night and that was my only social contact. And to my mother and father I barely communicated (just grunts and yes/no) and I would get very angry when disturbed because I was so involved in what I was doing. I feel terrible about it now, I was not a nice person to be around as a teenage boy.

I was the same for most of my early 20s but I had been kicked out and banished from returning home. For me the only time I felt normal and like I belonged and could relate to people was when playing online games and talking to people online, maybe it's like that for your son. I don't think you can convert him or cure him into being a different person who behaves how you want.

What always did work for me was clearly defined routines and timings, like dinner at certain times, so I could plan around it. If I had made my own plans and they were interrupted then it was hell.

I’m glad I could help! Thanks wishing you all the best!

My hope is he will follow in your footsteps  regarding acceptance, I have on a number of occasions  told him that it is nothing to be ashamed  of (I only used that phrase as he appears ashamed)and embrace it as it is who he is.but listening and reading yours and others advice,I think I will let him find himself ,if that's the right turn of phrase and just be there.

Thank you so much and I wish you well for the future 

Thank you .I can only hope that at some stage he will and all I can do is be there. I appreciate  your advice.Thanks again

Thank you for the advice.and I will definitely  take on board what you have said ,while reading your reply I realise  that I will have to slow things down from my side He has admitted  that he has done things to please us ie go to an autistic group , martial  arts all things that I now feel I pushed him into all the advice I'm getting from parents and people on the spectrum is take your time ssupport t him abd be there.i thought I had but maybe not in the way he needs.so let me finish with a Thank you,hopefully  I have learned a little bit 

Hi there, I was thinking and maybe he will take time to accept his autism it sometimes takes years of maturity and experience to be able to accept it. I’m 23 now and feel a lot more accepting of it. I still get down at times but I don’t get upset like how I used to. It’s the same with any disability. Like if you had a car crash and got some disability it takes people years to accept it. Once I learned I had autism I started my journey of acceptance on that day. That’s was 5 years ago. Eventually you just learn to live with it. Accept what you can’t change the saying goes. 

You need to put yourself in his shoes. My son diagnosed at 18 he 24 now and it took him 5 rys before he would accept ie he was in denial for around five yr...we only just started discussing it and it wasn't pretty  ..in fact he even tried or came close to suicide he was drinking a lot too...I stopped the alcohol and we had many Frank conversations....the point am trying to make here is that maybe you don't realise how bad it feels for him.and coming to terms with it as don't forget parts of being autistic are things like finding it hard to know your own feelings let alone deal with them . It's tough I know as you want them to be happy and we are none of us trained professionally in dealing with autism we r just parents and as such are often out of our depths and don't know what to do. My best advice would be o take it very slow with him ...I found I was less painful for my son to talk about when I tried to casualy mention other people  with autism who are great like anthony Hopkins Dan Aykroyd etc et .and mentioned good role models on you tube etc you know people his own age. He must be suffering terribly as he is probably lonely and has.no one to talk to like him.his age going thru wht he's going thru. All you can do is take it gently and just support him be patient..and if you can afford it look for maybe some therapist for him Also be aware that going to uni isn't just hard like it is for someone else ie other kids who don't have Autism..ie for your son everything is five times harder.

Hello,

I am sorry you are having a tough time right now. It is hard being autistic in a world which is not built for us. Is your son part of this on line community? It is a great place for chatting and getting to know people. Depending on your location, the NAS do have local volunteer run centers that have lots of activities as do other autism charity's.  I embrace my autism but we all different but I hope your son can find a way to accept and understand himself better.