Autism stopping me from volunteering... Oh autism, why art thou so cruel?

Thanks Luna - I really appreciate that :) 

Hello, Kate, thank you for your kind words here. I'm taking it one day at a time, trying to go slow and hoping that everything works out in the end. That's why I thought I would give myself a break over Xmas and go back to the volunteering at the library in the new year, maybe mid January, around that time anyway. Luckily the woman who's in charge at the library is more than understanding with my autism and difficulties.

I'm sorry your son isn't doing too well at the moment. I completely understand though, as I'm sure you do, sometimes the smallest thing can unsettle you and then something like just making a cup of tea can be exhausting. You have to enjoy the good days and remember on the bad that you're doing ok and should be proud of yourself for every success, small and big. I hope you're doing well Kate and I wish your son all the best and hope that he's feeling in a better place soon. Mental health self care is so important and should always come first. You matter, you must look after yourself. That's what I try to remember for myself.

I totally agree with what Euan has written here - your story is inspiring :) 

Hi - it sounds to me that you’ve actually done really well and made loads of progress. It’s normal to sometimes need to step back a bit and practice a bit of self care before you have another go at expanding your horizons a bit. Please give yourself credit for all the things you have been able to do. Sometimes just getting out of bed or cleaning our teeth is an achievement after we’ve been unwell or struggling with life. Be kind to yourself, and don’t feel bad about the fact you find things hard often. Your volunteering at the library sounds really lovely, hopefully you'll be able to return to that. 
Both myself and my adult sons are autistic. One of my sons lives at home with me and my husband and at the moment he isn’t able to go out to work or college. It’s ok though - sometimes we are just struggling with other things and we just need to do what we can to look after our mental health. I think you’re doing really well because you’re looking for ways to get out there when you can. Just take your time though - you’ll get there when you’re ready :) 

EuanF said:

I completley understand the overthinking. I can't tell you how many times I just need to go to sleep becuase I have used up all my energy just thinking too much (and usually within the first 2 hours of the day ahah).

Yes! I totally get this!! Every day within the first hour I'm feeling like I need another 8 hours in bed lol I just get so tired quickly. No idea why lol. I just seem to use to energy really quickly and it leaves me feeling burnt out, especially when I've been busy with volunteering and when I've had to go out shopping.

I'm really lucky to have my dad and my mum. They both offer so much support and encouragement. I'm very lucky.

I'm hoping I'll start seeing my own positives soon as well. I hope you do too. Self value is so important.

Number said:

but your autism is perhaps one of the reasons that you are valued in that role, now that you have it.

Yes, quite possibly. I really enjoy this volunteer work and give it my all. The others there don't really value it, they spend most of their time on their phones.

Number said:

* - I must confess to exercising positive discrimination.......I like working with fellow autists = SUPER pleasant for me.

I do as well. One of my mental health support workers, Nicola, has autism and she is by far the most understanding health professional I've ever met and worked with. It's like she gets everything I struggle with. It's made my journey with mental health a lot smoother.

I completley understand the overthinking. I can't tell you how many times I just need to go to sleep becuase I have used up all my energy just thinking too much (and usually within the first 2 hours of the day ahah). I'm glad to hear you have some time off and hope you do manage to get back to it. It really sounds like it's a nurturing environment for you. It's always nice when you have a supportive family member such as your dad to be there and listen. 

It takes time to learn to see your own strengths. I struggle to see my own a lot of the time. Thank you for your kind words in return. I can certainly get lost in negativity myself a lot of the time, but your experience really has so many positives to it.

Luna said:

I wonder if my autism is what got me my place as a volunteer.

.....I doubt it was why you got your place (positive discrimination is very rare*) but your autism is perhaps one of the reasons that you are valued in that role, now that you have it.

* - I must confess to exercising positive discrimination.......I like working with fellow autists = SUPER pleasant for me.

Number said:

A subtle distinction, but also an important one ?

Agreed!! 

I like to think my autism adds to my volunteering. When I told Carol, the woman in charge, that I have autism she was really pleased. I wonder if my autism is what got me my place as a volunteer.

Thank you so much!! I'm hoping to volunteer again in January, if I can. I'm hoping resting over Xmas will recharge me as such.

Thanks. The nightmare always feels like it's close by, probably bad memories keeping it alive, however I'm determined not to get in such a bad place again.

Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words!! It's seemed a long journey since the mental health unit and at the time I never thought I would get off that ward. It's a bit of a blur to be honest but somehow I've got to this place now and it's just like what!!! How did I get here??? The volunteering has gone better than expected and I do actually enjoy it, mostly, it's harder when it's really busy but luckily the library rarely gets really busy. It's a good environment for me most of the time, I like books and I like sorting things, so it's the best of both worlds for me lol. I do have to deal with people but luckily only short conversations are required, like where certain books are, overall though it's all been good.

My main issue is me. I overthink things on so many levels and then I start to get tired and everything becomes a lot harder, like the anxiety increases dramatically and I start to feel burnt out. I'm taking some time off over Xmas but I'm hoping in January I'll be ok and able to try again. I do enjoy it and it gets me out for a bit, so it's good for me in a couple of ways. My dad is always on the other end of the phone if I need him too. A comfort for me.

I'm sorry you have had similar experiences as this. I hope you're doing better now and are able to see how far you yourself have come. It's never easy to see your own triumphs and strengths, something I struggle with is self worth but clearly by your post you are a very strong and wise person. I wish I had your ability to see my strengths and such a positive approach to things.

Take care! Have a good night.

Can I just say that this post is incredibly inspiring. What you have described, your difficulties, the progress you've made and goals you are reaching show incredible courage and strength. Thank you so much for sharing this. 

I know it's so frustrating when you want to do something but there's obstacles in the way. However,  you have achieved so much already from being in a mental health ward to now. It's really amazing and you need to give yourself credit. It's not a linear path, there's ups and downs, if your needing to have a break from volunteering at the moment, then that's okay. It does not mean that you aren't getting somewhere. Everything you've described I think is clear evidence of you getting somewhere and Committing to that journey. 

I'm sorry that it's difficult at the moment, I really get it, I too have had experiences where I realise I'm not where I thought I was in myself or what I wanted to be doing in life. 

I hope you can take this time at the moment to reflect on your strengths in this process your going through and be kind to yourself as much as possible. 

Hell is other people.

You've done ever so well to get out of a nightmare scenario. Pat yourself in the back.

Luna said:

I'm just so frustrated with myself because I really had hoped I was getting somewhere.

Hi, you’ve done amazingly well, you was in a mental health unit, you are now volunteering and enjoying it. Well done.

Your autism might make you feel like you cannot volunteer, but your autism is unlikely to prevent you from being a VERY useful volunteer.....most probably?

A subtle distinction, but also an important one ?

On one thing, I can agree with you firmly.....

Luna said:

Autism is a weird thing.