Published on 12, July, 2020
I couldn't find a work/career section so decided to put this in Autistic Adults, apologies in advance if this is the wrong place.
I've been volunteering this year after a break since late 2020. I got my first job in 2020 and then proceeded to have a terrible breakdown. My breakdown affected me mentally and then following a family death I was detained and was trapped in a mental health unit for a lot longer than I'd hoped.
Since then life has improved more than I thought possible.
I've been gradually making small improvements in my life. I go out daily, sometimes to town, other times just to the park. So long as I go out I'm achieving my daily goal. I bought myself an inspirational quotes set which I read one every day to 'inspire' myself and give me that extra nudge of enthusiasm and strength.
Now I'm feeling better I took the Big step in November and started volunteering. I decided to volunteer at the local library as it's a peaceful environment, somewhere I'm familiar with - I used to spend my afternoon there after school - and the lights are beautifully dim, kinder to my eyes... It's the perfect environment for me and there's very little social interaction required. Most people know what books they want and where they are...
Sometimes I'll get curious people asking facts. I had a 12 year old boy last week asking about the history of the library itself - unexpected, but luckily I already studied the history of every building in my town and the library was one of them!
Luckily for him I was able to oblige and share this info with him. The look on his face after all my library history info dumping told me he probably regretted asking lol
Poor kid!
I'm signed off from working now. My mental health nurse said volunteering twice a week for a couple of hours, which is exactly what I'm doing but I feel tired and have since stopped again because the people and change of my normal routine was too much.
Lately I've been at home listening to Christmas music, playing Lego, watching films... I wish I could volunteer though but I get so tired and so anxious and it's burning me out.
My mental health nurse says in a couple of months it might be different but I'm just so frustrated with myself because I really had hoped I was getting somewhere.
Autism is a weird thing. You feel like you've taken a step forward but it turns out to be ten back...
Hi - it sounds to me that you’ve actually done really well and made loads of progress. It’s normal to sometimes need to step back a bit and practice a bit of self care before you have another go at expanding your horizons a bit. Please give yourself credit for all the things you have been able to do. Sometimes just getting out of bed or cleaning our teeth is an achievement after we’ve been unwell or struggling with life. Be kind to yourself, and don’t feel bad about the fact you find things hard often. Your volunteering at the library sounds really lovely, hopefully you'll be able to return to that. Both myself and my adult sons are autistic. One of my sons lives at home with me and my husband and at the moment he isn’t able to go out to work or college. It’s ok though - sometimes we are just struggling with other things and we just need to do what we can to look after our mental health. I think you’re doing really well because you’re looking for ways to get out there when you can. Just take your time though - you’ll get there when you’re ready :)
Hello, Kate, thank you for your kind words here. I'm taking it one day at a time, trying to go slow and hoping that everything works out in the end. That's why I thought I would give myself a break over Xmas and go back to the volunteering at the library in the new year, maybe mid January, around that time anyway. Luckily the woman who's in charge at the library is more than understanding with my autism and difficulties.
I'm sorry your son isn't doing too well at the moment. I completely understand though, as I'm sure you do, sometimes the smallest thing can unsettle you and then something like just making a cup of tea can be exhausting. You have to enjoy the good days and remember on the bad that you're doing ok and should be proud of yourself for every success, small and big. I hope you're doing well Kate and I wish your son all the best and hope that he's feeling in a better place soon. Mental health self care is so important and should always come first. You matter, you must look after yourself. That's what I try to remember for myself.
Thanks Luna - I really appreciate that :)