Does anyone give a?

I'm 36 years old and have no friends, I do not see the point in this life. All I see around me are hypocrites and vile demons who have no souls. I was beaten up by two drug dealers recently for flirting with their "girls" who they control; i. e. they are pimps as well. People in this world are vile, in many instances. I am extremely isolated and people refuse to allow me to use their charity services or whatever else because I drink heavily even though I meditate for 6 hours a day and admire Gandhi, Buddha and all the Hindu Gods as well as the Abrahamic God too. I go in pubs sometimes and pull out a paperback book and read it. I am a civilised and decent man. It seems to me all life is, is pain.

  • It's not ALL in the big book.....either of Them.....in my opinion.   It's worth looking at the stuff that didn't feature in the published books but that subsequently came to light....or came to light "quietly" thereafter?!

  • I hear you.  I don't doubt you....and yet I have my own experiential realities too.....and a propensity to research things to death!......and to speak my own truth.

    The key is to get a grip of one's self (I believe).....that isn't always achieveable from within another's well worn shoes !  I have odd fitting feet!!!.......but then again, I'm not one to be seduced by the concept of the news of a higher power.....I was always cognisant of that concept, even when pis sed out of my head!!!

    Whatever works mate.....that's the key?

  • I defend Bill W and the program

    Again Not on acid!! Not on anything. On target, understanding from the inside You are thinking of Leary perhaps? Please go to s meeting and see. they are actually really great environments for autistic people. quiet, focused, orderly, no cross talk, kind, tolerant, clear set of rules to follow.

  • ??? acid?? NoT. That was the whole point. 

    It's all in the "Big Book".

  • not really, dear #, its has steps and rules and protocol and an orderly way of structuring ones recovery. It's got all sorts.

    • PPS....Although AA choose not to release any stats regarding the success of our "type" in the programme.......anecdotal evidence suggests that we don't particularly fit in...and often drop out.  Quelle Surpise !!
  • PS.....I also have a strong propensity to support "whatever works"....so have no objection (in principle) to Bill W.  ......it's just very normie?!

  • Is that the guy who famously gave up booze, only to adopt a notable habit in acid?!

    Like I say, I am not an evangelical.....I am "an" autistic...I see all angles....not just angels and demons!

  • Perfaps become a friend of Bill W. this may change your perspective.

  • Hello Roswell, I am Number.

    You sound like i would have done, a while back.

    I haven't particularly  changed, and the world only ever seems to become more hostile and unpleasant......and yet, I find myself so very much happier!  I hope this gives you some hope?

    I'm not wholly sure why I feel happier than I did when I sounded like you....genuinely not sure! I did stop drinking...so perhaps that?! (Don't worry, I'm not the evangelical type when it comes to drinking....I'm more from the school of thought that says "whatever keeps you sane" is better than going proper mental...or worse still...causes you to loose your soul!!!!

    Anyone who is OK by Desmond, is OK by me mate.  Great to see a wonderer/wanderer return to these/their pages.

    I hope to catch up with you again soon.

    I hope your bruises aren't too painful.  You are right...people (generally) do seem to be vile....but there are some good'uns around if you keep your eyes open.

    Kind regards

    Number.

  • I was lucky that I fell back on the family home, and land, but developing a spending plan is tough; especially whenever one was shielded for so long.

    Living in a rough area would not be ideal. They would buy and sell you; there.

  • I'm grateful for people welcoming me back who remember me. I am not too bad physically now. The beating wounds are all healed. I do feel scared though of dying alone and miserable. I was living in a mental health charity housing place. There were 10 of us. We all had a little flat with our own little bathroom. The flats were tiny but the rent was very cheap and all the bills were paid for us. It was a fairly easy life. Now I live with my parents again. I was offered two flats in not too nice areas and I turned them down for two reasons - 1) I grew up middle class and as an Autistic person I just don't like change much so feel safe living in the middle class town I live in and, 2) I don't feel able anymore to budget properly and deal with water, gas and electric companies and the tax office and council, all of which the charity did for me and my parents now do for me.

  • WB Roswell. 

    So sorry this has happened to you and I really hope things will get better for you.

    You are amongst friends here who care and will try to support you through the dark days.

  • Welcome back, Mate!

    Shame you were beaten up. Honey traps are everywhere.