Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 36 years old and have no friends, I do not see the point in this life. All I see around me are hypocrites and vile demons who have no souls. I was beaten up by two drug dealers recently for flirting with their "girls" who they control; i. e. they are pimps as well. People in this world are vile, in many instances. I am extremely isolated and people refuse to allow me to use their charity services or whatever else because I drink heavily even though I meditate for 6 hours a day and admire Gandhi, Buddha and all the Hindu Gods as well as the Abrahamic God too. I go in pubs sometimes and pull out a paperback book and read it. I am a civilised and decent man. It seems to me all life is, is pain.
I'm grateful for people welcoming me back who remember me. I am not too bad physically now. The beating wounds are all healed. I do feel scared though of dying alone and miserable. I was living in a mental health charity housing place. There were 10 of us. We all had a little flat with our own little bathroom. The flats were tiny but the rent was very cheap and all the bills were paid for us. It was a fairly easy life. Now I live with my parents again. I was offered two flats in not too nice areas and I turned them down for two reasons - 1) I grew up middle class and as an Autistic person I just don't like change much so feel safe living in the middle class town I live in and, 2) I don't feel able anymore to budget properly and deal with water, gas and electric companies and the tax office and council, all of which the charity did for me and my parents now do for me.
I was lucky that I fell back on the family home, and land, but developing a spending plan is tough; especially whenever one was shielded for so long.
Living in a rough area would not be ideal. They would buy and sell you; there.