Published on 12, July, 2020
I know I can't control absolutely everything that happens in my life but I'd like to be able to control the things I can. Unfortunately, I can't.
I've always been a people pleaser, which doesn't help. I find myself more prone to wanting to lash out because of it, I've been in the same position for so long and my inability to assert myself or stand my ground doesn't help.
I would sooner let someone mistreat me than confront them because it's safer to just let them. I know I'll come away from it feeling more angry and resentful but I don't feel safe enough in the moment,
I'm intrigued as to what has helped people (if there is anything that has). Maybe there's something I've not dug deep into enough.
I heard somewhere that if you find yourself agreeing to stuff that you dont actually want to, you could try this. If they ask "can you do this?" then instead of being in the spot of that moment and saying yes, you could let them know that sometimes you agree to things that you didnt want to and that you need more time to think about it. Then you could like text them later or something when you have fully thought through what you want. Ig the only way it wouldnt work is if its a thing they need an awnser to right that moment.
I am bad with people pleaseing but ive been trying to be better about not agreeing to everything
That's my problem, I'm terrible at coming up with something to say in the moment.
There is the occasional point where I'm able to stand my ground but I am more likely to just cave in if it means the person isn't upset with me.
Sometimes if it involves my parents I can send my dad a text later if there's something I've not been happy with but it doesn't feel right.
HMO said:I'm terrible at coming up with something to say in the moment.
Im that way too. Ive never actually used my suggestion, I just thought it probably does work lol. I am good at telling my family no (mom, brother, and sisters), some friends and other family (dad, and close extended family) I can say no sometimes but ussually say yes, and everybody else I always say yes. When I watch interactions then I can come up with the perfect responces and know whats going on, but the second im in the interaction then my brain just goes to head nods and shakes and I look like a complete idiot who doesnt understand english
I havent read all the replies. We know how it feels to be really uncomfortable around other people and when something is done to us. So by that rationale, we think other people will feel the same. Some other people can withstand it more and dont hold onto it the same. I've learned that it's ok for people to either be displeased with me or uncomfortable with something. It passes and isnt the end of the world. This isn't excuse to behave like a knob but can chip away at the people pleasing and uncertainty. Yes it's work in progress but sitting with that feeling gets a easier with practise.