Feeling like I have little control over my life

This guy wrote a guide about suing for disability discrimination https://www.kingqueen.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/DART-the-Disability-Attitude-Re-adjustment-Tool.pdf

and here’s a similar guide but more directed towards autistic people suing student unions although some of it will apply to organisations other than student unions.

https://areyoualien.uk/Quick%20Guide_%20Discrimination%20and%20Student%20Unions.pdf

The short answer is you go to your local County Court and fill out a form in triplicate and pay some money. in reality it’s a bit more complicated than that they expect you to contact the person you’re suing beforehand, The form is quite complicated and you’re gonna end up stapling pages to it because the box to describe your case is quite small. You’re going to want to fill out additional forms in triplicate probably to try and get money off how much you have to pay to file the case (theoretically if you’re poor enough you can get 100% knocked off).

Now, ii distance myself from the people that "trigger" my emotions. I unfriend them. If this means that i have less people in my life, im ok with that. 

I have found nice people, i hope you do too. 

I think i have become brave x

HMO said:

I'm terrible at coming up with something to say in the moment.

Im that way too. Ive never actually used my suggestion, I just thought it probably does work lol. I am good at telling my family no (mom, brother, and sisters), some friends and other family (dad, and close extended family) I can say no sometimes but ussually say yes, and everybody else I always say yes. When I watch interactions then I can come up with the perfect responces and know whats going on, but the second im in the interaction then my brain just goes to head nods and shakes and I look like a complete idiot who doesnt understand english

Practically speaking, how do you sue an organisation if it refuses you entry? Does it cost money?

I havent read all the replies. We know how it feels to be really uncomfortable around other people and when something is done to us. So by that rationale, we think other people will feel the same. Some other people can withstand it more and dont hold onto it the same. I've learned that it's ok for people to either be displeased with me or uncomfortable with something. It passes and isnt the end of the world. This isn't excuse to behave like a knob but can chip away at the people pleasing and uncertainty. Yes it's work in progress but sitting with that feeling gets a easier with practise.

That's my problem, I'm terrible at coming up with something to say in the moment.

There is the occasional point where I'm able to stand my ground but I am more likely to just cave in if it means the person isn't upset with me.

Sometimes if it involves my parents I can send my dad a text later if there's something I've not been happy with but it doesn't feel right.

If them not liking you is linked to your autism and they’re kicking you out of an organisation not just their group of friends then yes you can.

you can actually bring a discrimination lawsuit because people think you are a weirdo (because you are autistic) and should therefore be kicked out.

You can sue someone for not liking you?

I can only speak for myself but what helped me feel more in control was bringing a lawsuit. When I felt I was a victim of an unfair system where the odds were rigged against me. When I felt bullied by society and social norms. When I felt everyone was against me and I couldn’t get a fair hearing. I brought a lawsuit. And suddenly it wasn’t about social norms or how people felt about me what was the easiest thing for other people with authority to do about me and other people not liking me. Suddenly it became about the law and how well I could argue my interpretation of the law. That’s how I took back control at least for a little while. By taking the cogs of the social machine that was trying to grind me up and forcing them to mesh with the bigger stronger cogs of the legal machine.

I don't really have anyone apart from my therapist (in terms of people who truly understand).

I have been diagnosed for 17 years which makes it more frustrating. I've been trying to find an advocate or mediator. 

I’m sorry to hear that. It must be really hard. Do you have and understanding friends or siblings? Like I said things are tough for me atm, I can’t even discuss this with my partner as she doesn’t want to talk about it. I suppose it works for her the way things are. Perhaps with your parents take it really slow and just drip feed them information. That’s what I was advised on here with my partner. It’s a lot for them to take in in one go and there may be a little guilt on their part for not noticing/acting on it when you were younger. Maybe if your not diagnosed a assessment would maybe benefit you, just to have it paper would give you more leverage.

I hope you find some answers 

I heard somewhere that if you find yourself agreeing to stuff that you dont actually want to, you could try this. If they ask "can you do this?" then instead of being in the spot of that moment and saying yes, you could let them know that sometimes you agree to things that you didnt want to and that you need more time to think about it. Then you could like text them later or something when you have fully thought through what you want. Ig the only way it wouldnt work is if its a thing they need an awnser to right that moment.

I am bad with people pleaseing but ive been trying to be better about not agreeing to everything

I've tried that with my parents to no avail.

It doesn't help that they would rather act like it's still the 1970s and that I should live my life in that way.

I am the same. I always thought that it was people close to me that were taking advantage but realised it was probably me letting them with no boundaries that created the habit. In my case it’s my partner that has all these expectations of me and for years I have fulfilled them but always been resentful because of it. Not that I have reached this point yet but it may be useful to have a conversation about this with the people you feel are pushing you to much and explain how you work as a person. That way if your not in a great place you can say so and the other person can make some allowance for that (hopefully) it’s exhausting I know as you are trying to please everyone and it eats away at you. I always think that these are the people that are supposed to care about us and yet still take advantage. I think communication is key. 
I am hoping one day my partner can understand me a little more and know when to back off a bit. Sometimes I think that it’s the ones around us that have as much work to do as we do to find where those boundaries are and try to be a bit more mindful around us. 
hope you find some peace 

I do often feel like I need to lash out at someone to get them to listen to me/take me seriously, but I don't want it to have to resort to that.

I am not advocating this as a strategy, but I too will put up with almost any kind of mistreatment or thoughtlessness to avoid losing people or creating a drama, but a couple of years ago my brother’s many years of taking advantage of me ended almost overnight when I had a meltdown and unleashed pure rage on him. 

I suppose he was so shocked by it that he actually listened instead of arguing with me.

I’d prefer a calmer more controlled way of asserting myself though.

I do often try and talk myself into that, like "Why am I giving that negative comment from a stranger some importance", but it doesn't really help, because I know I can draw up reasons why I think that person is completely right.

I used to be a people-pleaser too, before I got fed up with the people I was trying to please and decided, "No more apologies, they can go screw themselves" a few years back. It's... probably not a very good way to help the people-pleaser habit, though, but then again, I'm not sure what other things helped me kicked that habit.