Published on 12, July, 2020
I know I can't control absolutely everything that happens in my life but I'd like to be able to control the things I can. Unfortunately, I can't.
I've always been a people pleaser, which doesn't help. I find myself more prone to wanting to lash out because of it, I've been in the same position for so long and my inability to assert myself or stand my ground doesn't help.
I would sooner let someone mistreat me than confront them because it's safer to just let them. I know I'll come away from it feeling more angry and resentful but I don't feel safe enough in the moment,
I'm intrigued as to what has helped people (if there is anything that has). Maybe there's something I've not dug deep into enough.
I am not advocating this as a strategy, but I too will put up with almost any kind of mistreatment or thoughtlessness to avoid losing people or creating a drama, but a couple of years ago my brother’s many years of taking advantage of me ended almost overnight when I had a meltdown and unleashed pure rage on him.
I suppose he was so shocked by it that he actually listened instead of arguing with me.
I’d prefer a calmer more controlled way of asserting myself though.
I do often feel like I need to lash out at someone to get them to listen to me/take me seriously, but I don't want it to have to resort to that.
I am the same. I always thought that it was people close to me that were taking advantage but realised it was probably me letting them with no boundaries that created the habit. In my case it’s my partner that has all these expectations of me and for years I have fulfilled them but always been resentful because of it. Not that I have reached this point yet but it may be useful to have a conversation about this with the people you feel are pushing you to much and explain how you work as a person. That way if your not in a great place you can say so and the other person can make some allowance for that (hopefully) it’s exhausting I know as you are trying to please everyone and it eats away at you. I always think that these are the people that are supposed to care about us and yet still take advantage. I think communication is key. I am hoping one day my partner can understand me a little more and know when to back off a bit. Sometimes I think that it’s the ones around us that have as much work to do as we do to find where those boundaries are and try to be a bit more mindful around us. hope you find some peace
I don't really have anyone apart from my therapist (in terms of people who truly understand).
I have been diagnosed for 17 years which makes it more frustrating. I've been trying to find an advocate or mediator.
I’m sorry to hear that. It must be really hard. Do you have and understanding friends or siblings? Like I said things are tough for me atm, I can’t even discuss this with my partner as she doesn’t want to talk about it. I suppose it works for her the way things are. Perhaps with your parents take it really slow and just drip feed them information. That’s what I was advised on here with my partner. It’s a lot for them to take in in one go and there may be a little guilt on their part for not noticing/acting on it when you were younger. Maybe if your not diagnosed a assessment would maybe benefit you, just to have it paper would give you more leverage.
I hope you find some answers
I've tried that with my parents to no avail.
It doesn't help that they would rather act like it's still the 1970s and that I should live my life in that way.