Published on 12, July, 2020
I know I can't control absolutely everything that happens in my life but I'd like to be able to control the things I can. Unfortunately, I can't.
I've always been a people pleaser, which doesn't help. I find myself more prone to wanting to lash out because of it, I've been in the same position for so long and my inability to assert myself or stand my ground doesn't help.
I would sooner let someone mistreat me than confront them because it's safer to just let them. I know I'll come away from it feeling more angry and resentful but I don't feel safe enough in the moment,
I'm intrigued as to what has helped people (if there is anything that has). Maybe there's something I've not dug deep into enough.
I am not advocating this as a strategy, but I too will put up with almost any kind of mistreatment or thoughtlessness to avoid losing people or creating a drama, but a couple of years ago my brother’s many years of taking advantage of me ended almost overnight when I had a meltdown and unleashed pure rage on him.
I suppose he was so shocked by it that he actually listened instead of arguing with me.
I’d prefer a calmer more controlled way of asserting myself though.
I do often feel like I need to lash out at someone to get them to listen to me/take me seriously, but I don't want it to have to resort to that.