Published on 12, July, 2020
Evening
I’m New to this forum
awaiting an NHS formal diagnosis
So my question / advice needed
all of my partners have said that I was at times aloof distanct and secretive at other times very intuitive.
I now believe this could be because of autism
if a discussion with a partner gets heated . I find myself not keeping up , I get emotionally overwhelmed and then before therapy angry .
I now can explain that I’m getting overwhelmed and need time out . Afterwards I have great difficulty remembering what was said.
I have also found that I can make eye contact easily and hold contact. I believe this seams to make people open up to me and will continue to speak because I am interested due to me keeping eye contact.
however this seams to drain a lot of energy out of me and I then need space to recentre on myself
Anyone have anything similar or can head me in a direction
thanks
I have a hard time with any kind of relationship so I dont think I have anything to say, except that Im sure many people here can relate in some way. I hope you figure things out <3 Welcome by the way!
thank you for replying . Feels good to of found a space to be able to communicate.
I was wondering if there is any research out there referencing difficulties of communication of adult neuro divergents within close relationships . I’m just trying to get as much info , as I’m still feeling unsure whether I want a diagnosis or even have a label, having managed to get to this age without one
John ww said:I was wondering if there is any research out there referencing difficulties of communication of adult neuro divergents within close relationships . I
Hi, the research you are looking for is called The Double Empathy Problem. It was proposed by autistic academic Dr Damian Milton and suggests that the reason for communication difficulties between autistic and non autistic people is because of vastly different experiences of the world therefore both groups find it difficult to relate to each other.
Here is a video and some research about it:
https://www.youtube.com/live/uJSboFMT2Fk?si=dJPR2ZANlSBuALw9https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/
Thanks for sharing! I have watched this video before and other videos from this channel. I really like the channel particularly the Monotropism video.
Link to utube on double empathy I found helpful
https://youtu.be/y51w9j5eS50?si=Qwwni2uOrSRIahea
John ww said: somehow this is all beginning to make sense of some of the struggles I have with the interaction of the people around me .
somehow this is all beginning to make sense of some of the struggles I have with the interaction of the people around me .
You are very welcome! I am glad The Double Empathy Problem helps you make sense of your interactions and autistic experiences.
John ww said:Also it makes sense why a I find it easier in one to one conversations with friends who are either neuro divergent
I feel the same way too, this is very common in our community! It’s is much more natural and rewarding for us to communicate with our neurokin as we literally share the same neurotype!
Thanks
both are really helpful I also watched a video on double empathy (not good at linking yet )
somehow this is all beginning to make sense of some of the struggles I have with the interaction of the people around me . Also it makes sense why a I find it easier in one to one conversations with friends who are either neuro divergent or with people who might be carrying unresolved chidhood trauma.
Roy said:It feels like I’m operating on an Apple format and my wife is using Microsoft.
That is such a common analogy used to describe our autistic experiences! We literally operate on a different nervous system!
You are very welcome! I hope these resources about double empathy problem will help both you and your partner understand the context for why there may be misunderstandings and miscommunication.
If you want any more information about the double empathy problem, just let me know!
Thanks, I’m going to have a look at that, it’s one of the biggest problems I have with my partner. It feels like I’m operating on an Apple format and my wife is using Microsoft. The two sort of communicate but the information is often jumbled. It’s like AC /DC, both are electricity but totally different.