Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense or is too long; it's my first ever post!
I have always known I had autism, even before my late-ish diagnosis (24F) last year. However, because I have spent my whole life comparing myself to NT people, I'm now not sure how to live my life as my 'new' autistic self?
I had planned my life out from a fairly young age with the typical ambitious milestones: get really good grades, go to the best uni I can, smash uni, and then land a good graduate scheme. But this didn't happen. I had a terrible time at uni, resulting in several MH diagnosis'. I was in a constant state of burnout, barely holding myself together. But I pushed through and started a Masters after graduating which, inevitably, ended up in me dropping out because I was too exhausted.
After I dropped out, I took some time to focus on getting my medication right, engaging with therapy, building my support network, and generally understanding myself better. This led to me pursuing an autism diagnosis after advice from my therapist - something that was confirmed last year when I did receive my diagnosis.
I am starting to learn that, in order to look after myself, I may have to change my aims and ambitions. In this process of figuring out my future and essentially 'grieving' who I thought I was going to be my whole life - the high-flyer with no fears - I find myself heartbroken that I can't be the imagined self I always pretended to be. I still find myself constantly comparing myself to people I went to university with and, by doing that, I feel like I've failed because I can't do what other people do without burning myself out so badly that I have to go back to real basics.
After taking time out from paid work, I am now in a position where I feel I want to be my true, authentic, un-masked self as much as possible to avoid burnout, but I also want to rejoin society a bit more. My issue that comes with this is that I now also know my boundaries and limitations, meaning that I am struggling to know what employment or commitments allow me to be who I really am: someone who is 'more' autistic than I originally thought I was!
I was wondering if anyone has any recommendations on:
How to meet and connect with other autistic people so that I can start to see how other autistic people live?
If you've experienced this, how did you learn to accept your 'new' self?
And I would also love to hear what jobs people do and what accommodations they ask for in the workplace, if any?
Thank you in advanced for any advice or support - I really am at the start of a journey that feels so daunting, so any help or advice means the world
I'm so happy to hear that you've found something that has really worked out for you, that's amazing!
Absolutely, I've been in a voluntary role for a while now and I love it! I will keep looking at others to keep my options open :-)
Ah I'm really glad things have worked out for you Caelus, that's great, welldone.
well im going to ask and always have asked for a 7am start that ends at 3.30pm because currently im on a 2pm start that ends whenever the shift ends which could be anytime next morning and the start time could be moved all over the place and the other shift works at the same time with loud blaring music and spreading germs everywhere so id rather be on 7am shift as its fixed not stupid long and is quiet and less germy.there was no new self for me to accept, ive always been the way i am. the only new thing i did was getting a job and trying to do this adulting life thing was something that happened more recently, i was unemployed living with parents doing nothing all the way from leaving school at 16 to around age 31 when i got into a depressive phase of wanting company which combined with some luck and some agency mixing up details got me this job which turned permanent, combined with crypto investing previously and the job income got me my own flat.... im very lucky i went from a person that did nothing his entire life owned nothing and live with parents and was hopeless and clueless to somehow lucking out and attaining this normal seeming life i could never imagine or see myself gaining.
Is it worth looking into some volunteering? Give you an idea of what you can and can’t manage and see what you enjoy doing without the commitment of employment?
a true pleasure. your so very welcome.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! I am struggling to even find a role at the moment as I would not be able to do it full-time, but I am taking my time and keeping my eyes peeled for jobs
This is one of the most wonderful things I have ever read - thank you so much
First off. be gentle with yourself. There is no race to win, no impressions to have to make. It's just you and that is awesome and enough. You will always be enough. Having your diagnosis can be a liberating thing: there is nothing wrong with you. You are you and uniquely so.
Next I would start to explore the world with the confidence of a toddler. See who you are apart from the pressures that had bound you. See what draws your attention. See what excites you and move towards it. Let new goals develop.
Lastly I would forget what other people are doing, having, saying or anything. They are being themselves and that is not you. It is very hard to ignore people, true and we are drawn to them but we do not have to compare ourselves to them, that is not being true to ourselves.
The crux, the trick is in not making apologies for ourselves, in word, action and deed, for simply being who we are. we are all unique and worthy.
I can’t really give much advice or info about what I did as very newly diagnosed! And am still figuring things out massively. As part of my autism assessment they produced a letter for my employer with reasonable adjustments in based on what I particularly struggle with. I’ve shared this with my employer (I work in housing for a local authority) but have said that I currently don’t want any accommodations made for me, but just wanted them to be aware of what I find difficult and why I react like I do in certain situations. I have now also got a noise cancelling head set which has helped massively. I also am in discussions about reducing my hours as am working full time, but am in a cycle of reaching burnout and then being off work for weeks at a time and want to avoid that going forward.
I don’t know any autistic adults in real life! So can’t make any suggestions on that. I have found this place to be good at feeling not quite so alone on so many things however :)
Unfortunately my degree was a humanities degree! I would love to work for the NHS, but I am unable to work full-time or on unsociable shift patterns
Hi how about a job in medical imaging r cardiac tests like a cardiographer www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/.../entry-requirements-skills-and-interests-cardiac
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am slowly learning to pursue my goals whilst also embracing my autism rather than working against it
If it were me i would continue to pursue my ambitions, and embrace my diagnosis. If i have the academic ability, use it. I have had what i would call 2 good jobs in my life, over a period of 28 years. I was valued. I didnt know that i was autistic. Had i known, i may have done better, because i would have understood why i was always so tired, and brain fog. It was tough but i did it. I now expect less of myself at 59. Now that you can understand yourself better, you can give yourself some slack and still achieve your goals. Be yourself and be succesful.