Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense or is too long; it's my first ever post!
I have always known I had autism, even before my late-ish diagnosis (24F) last year. However, because I have spent my whole life comparing myself to NT people, I'm now not sure how to live my life as my 'new' autistic self?
I had planned my life out from a fairly young age with the typical ambitious milestones: get really good grades, go to the best uni I can, smash uni, and then land a good graduate scheme. But this didn't happen. I had a terrible time at uni, resulting in several MH diagnosis'. I was in a constant state of burnout, barely holding myself together. But I pushed through and started a Masters after graduating which, inevitably, ended up in me dropping out because I was too exhausted.
After I dropped out, I took some time to focus on getting my medication right, engaging with therapy, building my support network, and generally understanding myself better. This led to me pursuing an autism diagnosis after advice from my therapist - something that was confirmed last year when I did receive my diagnosis.
I am starting to learn that, in order to look after myself, I may have to change my aims and ambitions. In this process of figuring out my future and essentially 'grieving' who I thought I was going to be my whole life - the high-flyer with no fears - I find myself heartbroken that I can't be the imagined self I always pretended to be. I still find myself constantly comparing myself to people I went to university with and, by doing that, I feel like I've failed because I can't do what other people do without burning myself out so badly that I have to go back to real basics.
After taking time out from paid work, I am now in a position where I feel I want to be my true, authentic, un-masked self as much as possible to avoid burnout, but I also want to rejoin society a bit more. My issue that comes with this is that I now also know my boundaries and limitations, meaning that I am struggling to know what employment or commitments allow me to be who I really am: someone who is 'more' autistic than I originally thought I was!
I was wondering if anyone has any recommendations on:
How to meet and connect with other autistic people so that I can start to see how other autistic people live?
If you've experienced this, how did you learn to accept your 'new' self?
And I would also love to hear what jobs people do and what accommodations they ask for in the workplace, if any?
Thank you in advanced for any advice or support - I really am at the start of a journey that feels so daunting, so any help or advice means the world
First off. be gentle with yourself. There is no race to win, no impressions to have to make. It's just you and that is awesome and enough. You will always be enough. Having your diagnosis can be a liberating thing: there is nothing wrong with you. You are you and uniquely so.
Next I would start to explore the world with the confidence of a toddler. See who you are apart from the pressures that had bound you. See what draws your attention. See what excites you and move towards it. Let new goals develop.
Lastly I would forget what other people are doing, having, saying or anything. They are being themselves and that is not you. It is very hard to ignore people, true and we are drawn to them but we do not have to compare ourselves to them, that is not being true to ourselves.
The crux, the trick is in not making apologies for ourselves, in word, action and deed, for simply being who we are. we are all unique and worthy.
This is one of the most wonderful things I have ever read - thank you so much
a true pleasure. your so very welcome.