Published on 12, July, 2020
I was feeling brave the other day so I decided to push the boat and when the postman knocked on the door I answered it. I didn’t want to who does?
It’s a stranger at the door
In seconds my brain had created loads of negative scenariosWhat if the postman is ill and I get ill?What if I he comments on me?What if I faint?What if he starts talking and I have to commit to a conversation?
This and more was going through my head
Before I reached the door I was filled with terrible anxiety, my stomach became swollen and painful, chest hurt, heart racing and I was feeling sweaty like I had a fever
But like a crazy person I answered the door anyway
Guess I was expecting it to go well for some weird reason
it was the postman. he had a parcel and some letters. He asked the name and I said yes
And then he decided to make small talk. Nice weather isn’t it. Looking back now I’m guessing this was a humour statement as it’s clearly not nice weather
at the time I said no and then fearing he was going to say something again and I was really starting to feel ill by now I said bye and closed the door
The look he gave me as the door closed was... I don’t know not a nice look
He probably thought me an arrogant and rude woma jad he seen what took place after he wouldn’t have thought that hope not anyway
Afterwards I fell to pieces. Crying and shaking I was sick twice. And now I’m left feeling totally exhausted and my body is aching all over
My muscles are tense painful headache like someone’s squeezing my head
I went from feeling brave and confident answering the door to feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and feeling a complete failure
Confidence shattered in a heartbeat
Now in bed resting and feeling terrible online I can be so sociable feel happy calm and safe
In person I’m shy and awkward.
Times like this I feel nothing but hate towards myself
This was days ago and I'm still tired and aching. It's like a bomb goes off in me and my body has to heal again after.
I'm going to rest again now I'm super tired right now x
Well done.
Just to bring in a bit of humour.
I just answered the door in my nightee and rubber gloves as I'm painting a dolls house.
So, then the postwoman took a photo of the parcel with me holding it and I have visions of people laughing at the photo back in the office of a madwoman with hair awry, in a nightee, holding a parcel with rubber gloves
She probably thinks I wear rubber gloves to bed
Rest well x
I answered the door still carrying my hoover with my eardefenders on, me not the hoover, yesterday.I actually like my post people though. They always smile at me in that genuine way that tells me "oh it's the quirky one again." GooseyGoosey to put your mind at ease in answer to your questions:"What if the postman is ill and I get ill? What if I he comments on me?What if I faint?What if he starts talking and I have to commit to a conversation?"Unless you start talking to them asking them questions (which you don't have to if you don't want to) the posties and delivery folk won't stick around any longer than they need to drop off the parcels and what-not, they are rarely at your door long enough to breathe on you let alone talk to you (they are on a tight schedule). If you worry about signing the little machine just keep some hand satitiser by the front door. "What if I faint?" That's just the anxiety talking, you've opened the door to them before without fainting, and you'll do it again without fainting.
π Bees π (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:I answered the door still carrying my hoover with my eardefenders on, me not the hoover, yesterday.
I love the idea of your hoover wearing ear defenders ... but thank you for the clarification
Yeah I know lol I realised how it could read the moment I typed it but I couldn't be bothered to sit and figure out the precise grammar needed, haven't had enough tea yet this morning so I slapped a clarifier in there. XD