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Because of my oh so autistic brain I had a meltdown because I got in the post

Goosey
11 months ago

I was feeling brave the other day so I  decided to push the boat and when the postman knocked on the door I answered it. I didn’t want to who does?

It’s a stranger at the door

In seconds my brain had created loads of negative scenarios
What if the postman is ill and I get ill?
What if I he comments on me?
What if I faint?
What if he starts talking and I have to commit to a conversation?

This and more was going through my head

Before I reached the door I was filled with terrible anxiety, my
stomach became swollen and painful, chest hurt, heart racing and I was feeling sweaty like I had a fever

But like a crazy person I answered the door anyway

Guess I was expecting it to go well for some weird reason

it was the postman. he had a parcel and some letters. He asked the name and I said yes

And then he decided to make small talk. Nice weather isn’t it. Looking back now I’m guessing this was a humour statement as it’s clearly not nice weather

at the time I said no and then fearing he was going to
say something again and I was really starting to feel ill by now I said bye and closed the door

The look he gave me as the door closed was... I don’t know not a nice look

He probably thought me an arrogant and rude woma jad he seen what took place after he wouldn’t have thought that hope not anyway

Afterwards I fell to pieces. Crying and shaking I was sick twice. And now I’m left feeling totally exhausted and my body is aching all over

My muscles are tense painful headache like someone’s squeezing my head

I went from feeling brave and confident answering the door to feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and feeling a complete failure

Confidence shattered in a heartbeat

Now in bed resting and feeling terrible online I can be so sociable feel happy calm and safe

In person I’m shy and awkward.

Times like this I feel nothing but hate towards myself

This was days ago and I'm still tired and aching. It's like a bomb goes off in me and my body has to heal again after.

I'm going to rest again now I'm super tired right now x

Parents
  • 11 months ago

    Well done.

    Just to bring in a bit of humour.

    I just answered the door in my nightee and rubber gloves as I'm painting a dolls house.

    So, then the postwoman took a photo of the parcel with me holding it and I have visions of people laughing at the photo back in the office of a madwoman with hair awry, in a nightee, holding a parcel with rubber gloves Grinning

    She probably thinks I wear rubber gloves to bed Thinking

    Rest well x

  • 11 months ago in reply to Deleted user

    I answered the door still carrying my hoover with my eardefenders on, me not the hoover, yesterday.
    I actually like my post people though. They always smile at me in that genuine way that tells me "oh it's the quirky one again."
     
    Goosey to put your mind at ease in answer to your questions:
    "What if the postman is ill and I get ill?   
    What if I he comments on me?
    What if I faint?
    What if he starts talking and I have to commit to a conversation?"

    Unless you start talking to them asking them questions (which you don't have to if you don't want to) the posties and delivery folk won't stick around any longer than they need to drop off  the parcels and what-not, they are rarely at your door long enough to breathe on you let alone talk to you (they are on a tight schedule). If you worry about signing the little machine just keep some hand satitiser by the front door.
    "What if I faint?" That's just the anxiety talking, you've opened the door to them before without fainting, and you'll do it again without fainting.

Reply
  • 11 months ago in reply to Deleted user

    I answered the door still carrying my hoover with my eardefenders on, me not the hoover, yesterday.
    I actually like my post people though. They always smile at me in that genuine way that tells me "oh it's the quirky one again."
     
    Goosey to put your mind at ease in answer to your questions:
    "What if the postman is ill and I get ill?   
    What if I he comments on me?
    What if I faint?
    What if he starts talking and I have to commit to a conversation?"

    Unless you start talking to them asking them questions (which you don't have to if you don't want to) the posties and delivery folk won't stick around any longer than they need to drop off  the parcels and what-not, they are rarely at your door long enough to breathe on you let alone talk to you (they are on a tight schedule). If you worry about signing the little machine just keep some hand satitiser by the front door.
    "What if I faint?" That's just the anxiety talking, you've opened the door to them before without fainting, and you'll do it again without fainting.

Children