What do you consider a good apology?

Just to pick up on this again. I've gotten some apology messages together to a level I'm happy with. I feel they tick the boxes of a 'good' apology.

It has been 6 months. I want to go into it with no expectations but I don't think I'm quite prepared for the outcome not being what I want.

I mean, I'll definitely do it before the year is out, cos if it is the end I'd rather it be the case this year. I guess I feel like I need to get control of my emotions and get a job first - not only will I have more to talk about should the opportunity arise but it will be less like I'm 'relying' on this.

I know I'm overthinking it.

Morning HMO25,

TRIGGER WARNING.

So to be explicit about the context and rationalisation for what I speak of, I would like to establish just three things =

(1) I don't know what happened in the first place that has led you to this place, and nor is my comment below requiring that clarification in any way......what I am to say relates solely to you and how I perceive your current state of "oneness of being."

(2) I have found myself to be where you currently appear to be, in my past.  It was dreadful!  Like you, I felt obligated and compelled to "set things straight."

(3) What do I know anyway?  It's not like I know how to handle such situations well - I just had one that "feels" like what you are going through.  However, I do have a very strong drive to try and "help" if ever I can.  It is a blessing and a curse.  Please know that my comment below is bursting with good intention, and I apologise in advance if this is NOT what you need to hear right now.  I'm autistic.....and can get this type of sh it wrong.

So, down to business........I think you might be falling foul of feeling a need to seek closure on this matter before YOU are ready to do so.  I think it is wise for you to establish closure of the matter for YOURself, before trying to bring apology and restitution for everybody.  I would emphasis that I am only going on my perception of the things you have said publicly in this place......and note that, in this regard, you say above "i don't think I'm quite prepared for the outcome not being what I want."  I am scared for you......that this could still knock you very sideways!  I am worried for your well being.

So, with my matters of a similar nature, I thought I was prepared for any possible outcome......except the one I got = utter disinterest / everything and everyone had moved on / nobody cared.  It was a non-event - I was wished well, but no closure was achieved "amongst the group."  "They" had achieved closure long before, and had no interest nor desire to re-think matters again.  I was politely excused.  Nothing had changed - I was left on my own - it was harder than it was before - I got through it, but only because of outstanding support.

Overthinking intractable situations is a horrible situation to be in.  Being told that nobody even cares about that intractable situation NOW - is even worse again.

All I am saying, is be careful to find yourself properly centred, before you expose yourself to "releasing" your self-confessed overthinking on people whom are presumed to be "justifiably" hostile towards you, at best.  I wish I had given MYSELF more thought, rather than wishing 'rationalisations' and 'exquisitely worded apologies' on people who, frankly, simply didn't care at all.  Perhaps I was just unlucky in my experience, but it is worth bearing in mind for your "preparedness"?

Like I say - this is intended to be helpful......and I am genuinely sorry if it is not.

Kindest regards

Number.

No worries at all. They were justifiably angry, as were thousands of people online. Would they still be angry to the same extent? The total stranger telling me "this will never be forgotten" at the time suggests that they're probably still talking about me, trying to find out where I am on the internet, ready to share screenshots of my past mistakes the moment I'm visible again. They might as well dox me at this point because there's not much they can take from me.

In case it isn't obvious, it has been a very difficult time and entirely self-inflicted. The people I intend to send these to were people who liked me before I scared them off. That also applies to everyone I've ever known. I have been very resistant to make new friends because I'm still grieving the lose of these ones. I feel I want closure of sorts, either way, but I need to time it perfectly.

I've tried to give them space. I've given myself space. However, I'm still very much on thin ice. My emotions are so heightened just about anything brings up anger and resentment in me. I want to lash out pretty much all the time. I'm trying to stay occupied and utilise therapy for processing things but I feel I have little control over my life. It's like I need permission to move forward because I do believe that until I'm dead in the ground, this will never end. The guilt, the shame, the damage I caused. I didn't know any better but it's no excuse. 

Sorry, it's been really difficult. I think I'll eventually get to a stage where I can send those off expecting nothing back.

I probably am beginning to make myself ill through the overthinking even though I feel I need to be sure. 

I probably am beginning to make myself ill through the overthinking even though I feel I need to be sure.