Published on 12, July, 2020
What things do you do, or have you done, to help you hang on and believe in yourself?
As a kid I just didn’t have an ego at all, I just felt like I was being told what to do by everyone, mocked, used, abused and generally disliked and ignored. Finding a place of complete freedom where I could feel myself just being myself, free of the tethers of mundane existence sort of allowed me to validate myself, see that there was something worth fighting for, because at my best, at my most free I was amazing. It didn’t change things on the ground be it gave me an emotional release which was key to my mental health.
Although it doesn’t change anything on the ground, one my way of doing this, is to get ecstatic experiences in various different ways, that sort of pops me out of the misery for a while, and things seem brighter on return. Stuff I do, or have done is as follows:
Autistic guitar, or other instrument playing, play three or four notes over and over again until I start to feel something then really lean into the same notes to sort of express something, just do it over and over and over again until I feel something, and then when I feel something really focus on that.
Exercise - build it up gradually and gradually until I start to feel something then lean into the emotion and build and build and build until I’m really pumping and sweating and feeling something.
Dancing - alone or at something like 5 Rhythms, which is a bit cultish, but their whole thing is about absolutely getting completely out of you nut and, the best thing is, you literally don’t have to talk to anyone at all, or dance with or near people, so its sort of the best of both world, you get to dance like a complete outsider with the absolute support of everyone else around you, but you have absolutely no obligation, implied or overt to be social.
Mediatation - there are ecstatic practices in Sufism and Osho stuff, or Buddhists get off their heads by focusing and mindfulness. Some schools will repeat a mantra in their heads or out loud for like hours at a time which get you completely blitzed. You do have to put up with the religious bullshit though.
Overtone singing - singing one note for minutes on end, listening for the overtones, doing this with other people, if you like where you can hear this subtle noises that seem to be at one time part of you and at another some kind of weird pattern of sound intelligence.
Normal singing groups - its a real buzz in relaxed groups, you don’t have to read music you just sing with people and don’t have to be in tune, usually its just one or two people who can sing who sort of keep things moving along and in tune, and everyone else just has a good time. The sense of singing in harmony when it comes together is beyond words.
Walking - for me this works best at the moment, I use the rhythm of my walk to sort of move my feelings and thoughts about - I live in London so no one seems to bat an eyelid at me walking quickly or slowly, after an hour or so I seem to really chill out. I do occasionally have to deal with what’s going on in the street or park interacting with me, but I like that random element these days as it seems to help with the process, but it has more feeling of risk than the other things that are done in safe spaces.
I’d be really really interested in the ways other people try to balance the account of positive and negative experiences (though I think we should talk about experiences with drugs in a different thread, because I think that is slightly different) - the things that have helped them hang on in life, and believe in themselves.
Thank you for taking the time - I really do long for old skool conformation like this = irrefutable, solid, golden. I would equally love to hear from anyone who DOES have a 13th "anything" that has been 'labeled' by officialdom.
This number 13 malarkey has always intrigued me. I've researched in the past, but drawn to no solid opinion or conclusion of why, how, if etc.
I'm not a fan of the insta-information-of-everything age. I find it overwhelming. I don't trust the infrastructure of it. I choose not to join as much as everybody else seems to want do.....or can't be bothered not to ?!
In this instance, the wisdom and knowledge of Taltunes can happily reassure my opinion on this matter....for now....and there were no adverts nor distractions associated with the "download." Humans, talking = Golden.
You've made me start a thread.
Thanks Taltunes....for taking the time.
I was thinking more along the lines of aeroplane seats. But same difference!
I do like The 13th Floor Elevators though....
I live in one of four blocks of flats and the flat numbers run from 1-12 and 14-17
Bless you ! You are like a building designer.....the last time I checked, I believe that they generally don't label the 13th floor as such.
Yea....as I suspected......we appear to be very similar in notable ways mate.
You have my sympathies !!
And for the record...... I am already addicted to animal company in preference to human company, with only very few exceptions ..... and I was "all over" Covid "well before", "very heavily during" and "substantially" after the events, news and policies impacted our daily lives. I couldn't possibly have prevented my absorption into that subject matter......entirely fascinating on the social, political, economic and biological bases. Catnip for me!!
14. Magical thinking
12. Having things rounded up (always) to an even dozen.
[Disambiguation for OOS - if you mention bakers at this point, then we'll be on to No. 13 and neither Mary nor Richard are likely to enjoy that....Derek said so.]
Cool.
Yes, all those things sound really present in the world, which is highly admirable from my point of view. I do like to be informed, during lockdown I used to read The Times, The Guardian and The Telegraph to find varying viewpoints on an issue, and go to Wikipedia, specialist publications and academic research to fill out the details that hadn’t been mentioned, then I’d synthesise it all to form an opinion, which, of course, no one was interested in, because life doesn’t work like that - but 8 to 10 hours later I’d feel happy that I at least new something that I didn’t know before, and could make a relatively sound judgement, within limitations.
I love to look at animals in the park, and see how quirky they are, even wild animals - its like people say that we should get back to hard edged nature - well, most of the wild animals I see are basically just winging it - they’re not hard edged genetic reproduction factories and killing machines - they’re often irritable, or gormless, neurotic, running into things, getting distracted, getting involved in thinking how cool they are, wondering why people don’t get out of their way - of course I could be / probably am projecting a lot onto them. I’m quite cautious about manipulating animals for feeling of love or affection, in case I my get addicted and not want to be with humans ever - but again, that’s probably my normal behaviour in life, with animals or humans.
11. Having the last say!
Or congestion! Last week I was stuck in traffic early morning. The sun was shining directly through the windscreen, sunglasses were on (which give an added technicolour to proceedings), music was blaring out. I was going to be late for work but didn't care because everything felt right.
Yeah - I’m not really a fast driver, but occasionally driving on a clear day along the motorway which is more or less empty with some music blaring out, playing Bach or something funky or soulful, or whatever is grabbing me at the time - I sort of get transformed, like the whole world slows down, I see the road and everything very clearly, the other drivers, the signs and the clouds and trees - and I’m experiencing the music in its purest state and everything I’m doing with the car, and everything outside the car, other drivers and what they’re doing, is somehow in tune with the music… then, roadworks.
10. Having someone reliably finishing one's thoughts ?!
Mmmm, yeah, I wish people could bottle that stuff - something like being out of time, or beamed onto a different planet or plane of being for a while - like the alien who can navigate both worlds.
Yeah, it sounds so familiar. From my point of view, I have to say that the initial feeling of being accepted went to my head, I got very creative - its not that I told people they were idiots, or swore at people - its just my disdain for their fluff, their blather, their fuzzy thinking that was all about how they looked and nothing to do with solving the problem - that became obvious and rather than learning to be better people, they just considered me to be the village idiot who didn’t know the rules of the game, and had to be taught a lesson about how to properly feel out the unwritten rules, and navigate the corridors of power with more subtlety.
8. Listening to music
9. Singing along in the car at full volume
Ways of feeling good;
1. Being useful
2. Being kind
3. Being entertaining and/or entertained
4. Being occupied with 'something'
5. Being very thoroughly informed
6. Walking in nature
7. The company of animals
yeah i probs burnt out as my supervisor doesnt like me and promotes juniors above me and doesnt give me credit for my hard work and even someone overheard him say hes rather quit than see me ever be promoted or progress in this job. then i got attacked by him and all his cronies in a dog pile reporting attack so i got punished alot and on final warning now despite all of my hard work and doing better than anyone, so that sorta burnt me out probably. even description of a burnout at work describes exactly what they did to me as reason for one in descriptions online of a burnout. i hung on though and am still there, although im still miffed a bit at it and dunno who to trust there, paranoid about everyone and knowing they will want to finish my contract off in another attack. so feels like im on borrowed time there. but yeah, i can say alot of things what i am capable of i dont think its wise for them to just maliciously cut me loose as it wont end out well for them, like kicking a dog and torturing it then letting it loose of its muzzle, its only going to bite them isnt it...
I've done meditation on a fairly consistent basis and this has helped in a myriad of ways. To get a few pockets of "space between thoughts" is wonderful.
Yes, totally blissful stuff.