Published on 12, July, 2020
The years I’ve been accused of a lot of things a lot of different times. Mostly in relation to things driven by aspects of my autism that people took objection to. Looking back and reflecting I started to notice that the way I’ve dealt with these situations has changed over the years.
My first reaction to an accusation used to be to give some one what I call a bruised toe apology. as if you were apologising to someone who’s toes you’d had just stepped on. It’s not really intended as an admission of culpability. You didn’t mean for it to happen and you couldn’t possibly have foreseen it happening and wasn’t as if you were unusually careless. It’s more an expression of regret your actions inadvertently caused somebody else pain.
But I have discovered that as the years have gone on and I’ve been attacked more and more and accused more and more I’ve stopped giving these apologies. Too often they are interpreted as some sort of admission of guilt and people will turn around and say well he admits it therefore we’ve every reason to punish him and blame him and censure him and kick him out.
There are some people who just don’t want to be reasonable and who will never be satisfied with an apology or an explanation. They’re too many people out there who will judge you guilty as soon as the accusation is made and will admit no latitude for any consideration on your behalf.
It’s been my experience that if you make an apology these individuals will jump on it and use it as grounds to try and convince everybody else that you are guilty as charged; must be excommunicated as soon as possible. Conversely if you make no apology they will accuse you of being completely uncontright, incorrigible and therefore completely unworthy of any consideration. You can’t win with these people, but if instead of apologising you start by attacking the substance of the accusations as soon as possible and as directly as possible you at least have a chance to stop them shutting down the debate before it starts.
If your defence is that your autism occasionally causes you to come off as a bit of an arsehole adopting an argumentative approach that makes you seem needlessly belligerent is not actually that harmful to your case. Afterwards after you’ve made all your arguments, inserted all the caveats, then you can make your apology. just make sure that no one could mistake it for an admission of culpability.
The important thing is to get your foot in the door in the argument so those open to the possibility of autism as an excuse can actually get to hear your side of the story
So I’m really curious to hear how you deal with being accused? Have you noticed the way you handle it has changed over time?
you can probably guess how id deal with being accused. id smack them back down and challenge their accusation, take offence to it and then id point out how they are closer to what they are accusing me of or some other flaw in their logic to highlight any hypocrisy in their position. if a person wishes to attack me they have to have sure footing and not be throwing stones from a glass house, that is for sure. no one is so perfect though.theyd have to be telling the utmost truth and have evidence, id have to agree to it if its truth. if its a truthful thing they accuse me of what i have done i will agree to it. id agree it happened, im not sure if i would apologise.... i wont feel like apologising if the thing they accused me of doing if truth, but yet i still stand by that truth. i wouldnt feel need to apologise for it... such as how i got in trouble for criticising my boss, i agreed that i said the things i said about him and how he runs the place, i didnt apologise for it as i stood by my words rather than surrendered them because i believed in what i said and believe how he treats people needs improvement and how he views a workforce is silly because he wants people to do long hours and just a body to take a space rather than have them be hard workers and do like 24 hours worth of work in 8 hours. hed rather have cardboard cutouts claiming attendance standing around doing nothing for the long prolonged time period instead of getting the work done... i said that, i got caught for it, i stood my ground on it as i believe my words and wont apologise for it because its truth
Caelus said:theyd have to be telling the utmost truth and have evidence, id have to agree to it if its truth
You sound as though you may think the scientific method with its empirical data as evidence is absolute while waving aside other possibilities that could be way beyond our perceptive capabilities. Your interpretation of the "truth" is subjective.
nah scientific things are never truth, even scientists agree to that, they are theories, educated guesses of which any good scientists hope and dream that someone comes along and proves it false or modifies it slightly. science gets warped by politics these days to mean utmost truth.my truth that i rely on however is different... if someone accuses me of stealing cookies, but i didnt do that... then thats not truth, they are lying with false accusations... if someone accuses me of it and i did do it though, thats truth, and i admit it....whether im sorry or not depends on alot of factors though. but in the case of stealing cookies i think all factors likely would stand for a apology, the only way id be stealing cookies if i thought they was free and offered to the public, which would be a mistake which requires a apology and payment for them.ofcourse if i were the type to have stolen cookies, but then lied to deny it, then the truth in that matter would be security camera footage.... there is no guesswork in absolute truth, it is something you have been caught doing, something seen, something known. so my interpretation of truth isnt subjective really.... there is just many layers and definitions. but absolute utmost truth is something seen and evidenced that you cant deny, like seeing video footage of a person stealing cookies. you cant deny that if you see it on camera no?....although to be fair, these days probably maybe can if the accuser went so far as to edit the video to make it out to be that way, its a shame we can no longer trust camera footage as it maybe modified these days. but that takes alot of effort and going out of the way to do for such a trivial matter.all in all theres many layers... a thing you did, you know what you personally did so you have the truth of what you did due to having done it yourself... unless you were drunk or under the influence of drugs which may have blanked your memory then you wouldnt know. people can deny your truth, deny your account of what you did... but then i dunno, who cares? they can doubt you and assume your lying for all they want but you know what you did, and whether you actually did it or not and whether your lying about it. so you know the truth in this situation of what you did right? so its not really subjective then in these cases.
the mass migration waves seemed to start after the 9/11 attacks, coinciding with it. which didnt help the issue as it made people suspicious as to why they all come here directly on the back of that attack and then following attacks made the issues worse.but i sorta believe government shenanigans are behind it all.... the gov wants higher population... all these strange glboal disasters and events happen and off the back of them we get the mass migration to boost our population just like the government wanted so they can fix their percieved population issues and future population dips they suspected would happen. and a increasing population to them means your nation becomes more powerful, more population means more workers and more manpower for military and more taxable income. the government wanted this mass migration, and i suspect they was behind alot of disasters to try and provoke these migration waves.most so called terrorists were all groups of people who america funded and used against russia in the past. its all a bit sus to be fair... and ofcourse yes, it walks that tightrope of conspiracy theory, which is exactly what the gov would want so they can brush it aside if it is infact holding some truth.
I Sperg said: it's about the division between those who want to live together in a decent and good way and those who's actions clearly indicate other priorities.
In my previous statement, I chose my words carefully ref. " a huge uncontrolled input of third world immigration creates the environment of a third world country." which is a departure from a blanket statement of 'just blame the foreigners'. I am very conscious of my origins comming from NYC with its own Ellis Island history and the social upheavals encountered. These immigrants were not from the third world AND were officially processed in a controlled manner. This caliber of people who initially struggled to raise a generation of hard working people seeking the so called American Dream took the country forward. Some radicals may argue forward to what point.
Uncontrolled third world immigration is not good. This is not a recent event for the UK. When Labour was in power they did not ---by their own admission -- have a clue how many immigrants came here under the Schengen EU rules as there was no controls over that though granted they were hopefully Europeans.
OTOH,
JUST when I was "blaming the foreigners" I went to a council meeting and whilst waiting for my item of interest to be discussed an argument broke out and it was the sikh councillor (I Kid you not) who stood up and reminded everyone of english values and decorum...
I go to my moslem friends wedding feast and afterwards, look at the table cloths, and see who managed to eat with some decorum like civilised people do, and who made a mess like the other sort of people do. It seems the immigrants have learned English values better than my peer group...
I listen to the kids being excercised by the instructors in the converted church bulldings over the fence at the bottom of my mates garden where we are roofing his new workshop and they speak good polite English, practice sportsmanship, as they play football and softball cricket and it realise that an awful lot of them far from destroying my beloved "culture" are dong their best to keep it going!!
The current war that we are all engaged on isn't about race AT ALL it's about the division between those who want to live together in a decent and good way and those who's actions clearly indicate other priorities.
I've been lucky enough to go to greece holland germany america and saudi arabia and participate in daily working life, and not as a "holidaymaker" (although I see "travel for work" as the best kind of holiday) people do live different lives in different cultures for better and worse, but civilisations rise and fall when stupid and harmful ideas and practices go mainstream.
In my real life I've made more of a difference for both good and bad when I have "taken action" and in some areas of my life it's clear that I am set up to automatically make the best decisions but it's also clear that only works for the good of all in certain very limited and fairly unusual situations, I'm only really of any use as a member of a team where I am allowed power but only under oversight of some intelligent enough to either spot my mistakes earlier than me or recognise my cleverness whichever is appropriate at the time.
In short I can't ever be trusted to be supreme dictator, or even prime minister, but I can be trusted to recognise when we have a bad one... And for some decades now we are being led by what appear to be coke sniffing numpties, who in turn are led by a whole bunch of unelected people like civil servants and experts and heads of industry and bankers, always bankers. (And let's not forget the lizard people some say are lurking in the shadows...)
No wonder it's a shitshow!
BUT change will happen, of that we can be sure.
Humans DO have the seed of greatness in us, but that seed only thrives in fertile ground. I want less misery in the world, and I figured out that it starts with me learning to live a non-miserable life.
I've only managed that fairly recently (with relapses still) but I am proving that it is possible to make change in a small way as far as teh world is concerned but a massive way as far as I am concerned.
Using politics I managed to actually influence the drafting of a law that affects everyone who owns a drone in this country (and create the loophole that allows you to fly a certain class of drone without registration requirements which was a massive and far effect for a lone nutter to accomplish. I've seen groups of people working together accomplish massive effects that completely cut across any attempt to oppose them.
The greenham common women (remember them anyone?) whilst being treated in the media like vaccine refusers are now, manged to get an entire class of nuclear weapons removed form this country and thus caused a strategic nuclear imbalance that required several treaties to be formulated and signed, that until recently made Europe a heck of a lot safer!
Things could and do get better when people decide that's what they want and set their minds to get it.
ah i was watching youtube vids of people traveling and one guy went to india and was speaking about how dirty it is there, he even filmed a cow eating garbage in the street lolthen on another of his vids he was in japan, its such a huge leap in difference, and im kinda jealous of the japanese... their towns are so clean to the point they all look brand new as if just newly created, or like a game perfectly hand crafted and cleaned and in perfect condition.difference between people too, he got along with japanese and went to bars and had fun with them. with indians he got followed harrassed and they kept trying to sell him transport or cycle taxi to places all the time lol