Published on 12, July, 2020
The years I’ve been accused of a lot of things a lot of different times. Mostly in relation to things driven by aspects of my autism that people took objection to. Looking back and reflecting I started to notice that the way I’ve dealt with these situations has changed over the years.
My first reaction to an accusation used to be to give some one what I call a bruised toe apology. as if you were apologising to someone who’s toes you’d had just stepped on. It’s not really intended as an admission of culpability. You didn’t mean for it to happen and you couldn’t possibly have foreseen it happening and wasn’t as if you were unusually careless. It’s more an expression of regret your actions inadvertently caused somebody else pain.
But I have discovered that as the years have gone on and I’ve been attacked more and more and accused more and more I’ve stopped giving these apologies. Too often they are interpreted as some sort of admission of guilt and people will turn around and say well he admits it therefore we’ve every reason to punish him and blame him and censure him and kick him out.
There are some people who just don’t want to be reasonable and who will never be satisfied with an apology or an explanation. They’re too many people out there who will judge you guilty as soon as the accusation is made and will admit no latitude for any consideration on your behalf.
It’s been my experience that if you make an apology these individuals will jump on it and use it as grounds to try and convince everybody else that you are guilty as charged; must be excommunicated as soon as possible. Conversely if you make no apology they will accuse you of being completely uncontright, incorrigible and therefore completely unworthy of any consideration. You can’t win with these people, but if instead of apologising you start by attacking the substance of the accusations as soon as possible and as directly as possible you at least have a chance to stop them shutting down the debate before it starts.
If your defence is that your autism occasionally causes you to come off as a bit of an arsehole adopting an argumentative approach that makes you seem needlessly belligerent is not actually that harmful to your case. Afterwards after you’ve made all your arguments, inserted all the caveats, then you can make your apology. just make sure that no one could mistake it for an admission of culpability.
The important thing is to get your foot in the door in the argument so those open to the possibility of autism as an excuse can actually get to hear your side of the story
So I’m really curious to hear how you deal with being accused? Have you noticed the way you handle it has changed over time?
you can probably guess how id deal with being accused. id smack them back down and challenge their accusation, take offence to it and then id point out how they are closer to what they are accusing me of or some other flaw in their logic to highlight any hypocrisy in their position. if a person wishes to attack me they have to have sure footing and not be throwing stones from a glass house, that is for sure. no one is so perfect though.theyd have to be telling the utmost truth and have evidence, id have to agree to it if its truth. if its a truthful thing they accuse me of what i have done i will agree to it. id agree it happened, im not sure if i would apologise.... i wont feel like apologising if the thing they accused me of doing if truth, but yet i still stand by that truth. i wouldnt feel need to apologise for it... such as how i got in trouble for criticising my boss, i agreed that i said the things i said about him and how he runs the place, i didnt apologise for it as i stood by my words rather than surrendered them because i believed in what i said and believe how he treats people needs improvement and how he views a workforce is silly because he wants people to do long hours and just a body to take a space rather than have them be hard workers and do like 24 hours worth of work in 8 hours. hed rather have cardboard cutouts claiming attendance standing around doing nothing for the long prolonged time period instead of getting the work done... i said that, i got caught for it, i stood my ground on it as i believe my words and wont apologise for it because its truth
Caelus said:theyd have to be telling the utmost truth and have evidence, id have to agree to it if its truth
You sound as though you may think the scientific method with its empirical data as evidence is absolute while waving aside other possibilities that could be way beyond our perceptive capabilities. Your interpretation of the "truth" is subjective.