Struggling really badly

Hi I am so sorry you're struggling. It must be really difficult for you being without your usual support. Please keep posting here if you need to, more valuable and helpful members will be online soon :-) 

In the meantime I found this list on crisis helplines on Wiki.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines

Wherever you are, it should be amongst this list somewhere.

I hope this helps and you're feeling supported soon.

Thank you. I emailed Samaritans back and forth for a while but I am still struggling. 

We booked this holiday before everything happened and I think it has turned out to be completely the wrong time. 

I'm glad Samaritans are supporting you through this.

I'm sorry the holiday was the wrong time for you. Stay safe and keep seeking support when you need to.

That's very kind of you to say, thank you.

I think it would be much easier to ignore those things if it was a small number of people. As it happens, there's hundreds and a lot of them have big profiles. The person who shared them initially has 15k followers or something - they could have put my phone number on there, asked people to send me abuse on the basis of me being all the things I've been called (nonce, predator, abuser etc) and people will do it. And they'll be the hero.

I've tried to rationalise it. I do understand why people were angry (and probably still are). I understand why they were so venomous towards me. I had no issue with the people close to me calling me out - when hundreds more pile in, you don't really learn anything. It doesn't make me feel better even though I understand why people responded like they did. I still wish it was handled in a more professional way.

Life doesn't prepare you for that sort of thing. I reacted in a way initially that made it worse (I asked people to report the screenshots and I wasn't taking full responsibility) and *those* messages were also put onto Twitter. I made a statement but I got torn to shreds even more but after my initial handling, I'm not too surprised. It was damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I didn't say anything, I'm not taking accountability - after I did, I was supposedly not remorseful.

There's a bit of demand avoidance too. It didn't matter how right the total strangers were when they'd tell me to "get help" and "do better" and "stay away from women" - my mind is like "who are you to tell me what to do? You have no idea who I am" but I guess social media gives people that freedom.

I don't know who to trust now, because I can't be worrying that everything I say in private will be blasted online (even though I have learnt to respect the other person's boundaries).

I look at my school experience differently now. I got bullied but it didn't impact me this badly, and I knew it wasn't my fault. It has ironically made it easier for me to leave that behind. 

I hope I can hit the ground running when I get back in terms of keeping myself busy but it's all feeling one step forward, two steps back. 

I am so sorry people have treated you this way and said such horrible things. It says a lot about them if they are doing things like that and I wouldn’t waste too much time worrying about what people like that think about you. Especially as that’s not true! Everyone here seems to like you and I like you as well. You’re an honest good person. You shouldn’t have to be feeling like this because of a mistake. It’s not fair that people are making you feel like this. Definitely DO avoid reading their comments... that will only keep you low. I know it hurts being treated like that but honestly those people are not worth your time and sadness. You deserve to be supported, despite what other people think. And you do deserve to be forgiven and forgive yourself.

I hope things will be better for you when you’re back home. The good news is if you’re at rock bottom now then the only way for you is back UP again. It will happen. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon. So hold on to that thought.

And please don’t let people online upset you and make you feel bad. You know yourself better than anybody else does. Mistakes have been made and if they can’t let it go and just keep judging, then that’s sadly their loss. Don’t let that ruin your life.

The way I look at it is, we all make mistakes and very often life forces us in to these mistakes. When I was a kid I had to change schools because a girl set fire to my first one. At first I was really sad and angry, proper hated her but then I thought actually she must have a pretty bad life and be hurting inside to do something like that. And I forgave her. It later turned out she’d been going through a lot of bad stuff and I felt sorry for her and glad that I forgave. Not everyone understands and forgives, but I think people should.

Maybe we’re in the minority? But I think at least that shows we’re nice people ^^

Things will get better. It doesn't rain forever :) 

I am so sorry people have treated you this way and said such horrible things. It says a lot about them if they are doing things like that and I wouldn’t waste too much time worrying about what people like that think about you. Especially as that’s not true! Everyone here seems to like you and I like you as well. You’re an honest good person. You shouldn’t have to be feeling like this because of a mistake. It’s not fair that people are making you feel like this. Definitely DO avoid reading their comments... that will only keep you low. I know it hurts being treated like that but honestly those people are not worth your time and sadness. You deserve to be supported, despite what other people think. And you do deserve to be forgiven and forgive yourself.

I hope things will be better for you when you’re back home. The good news is if you’re at rock bottom now then the only way for you is back UP again. It will happen. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but soon. So hold on to that thought.

And please don’t let people online upset you and make you feel bad. You know yourself better than anybody else does. Mistakes have been made and if they can’t let it go and just keep judging, then that’s sadly their loss. Don’t let that ruin your life.

The way I look at it is, we all make mistakes and very often life forces us in to these mistakes. When I was a kid I had to change schools because a girl set fire to my first one. At first I was really sad and angry, proper hated her but then I thought actually she must have a pretty bad life and be hurting inside to do something like that. And I forgave her. It later turned out she’d been going through a lot of bad stuff and I felt sorry for her and glad that I forgave. Not everyone understands and forgives, but I think people should.

Maybe we’re in the minority? But I think at least that shows we’re nice people ^^

Things will get better. It doesn't rain forever :) 

That's very kind of you to say, thank you.

I think it would be much easier to ignore those things if it was a small number of people. As it happens, there's hundreds and a lot of them have big profiles. The person who shared them initially has 15k followers or something - they could have put my phone number on there, asked people to send me abuse on the basis of me being all the things I've been called (nonce, predator, abuser etc) and people will do it. And they'll be the hero.

I've tried to rationalise it. I do understand why people were angry (and probably still are). I understand why they were so venomous towards me. I had no issue with the people close to me calling me out - when hundreds more pile in, you don't really learn anything. It doesn't make me feel better even though I understand why people responded like they did. I still wish it was handled in a more professional way.

Life doesn't prepare you for that sort of thing. I reacted in a way initially that made it worse (I asked people to report the screenshots and I wasn't taking full responsibility) and *those* messages were also put onto Twitter. I made a statement but I got torn to shreds even more but after my initial handling, I'm not too surprised. It was damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I didn't say anything, I'm not taking accountability - after I did, I was supposedly not remorseful.

There's a bit of demand avoidance too. It didn't matter how right the total strangers were when they'd tell me to "get help" and "do better" and "stay away from women" - my mind is like "who are you to tell me what to do? You have no idea who I am" but I guess social media gives people that freedom.

I don't know who to trust now, because I can't be worrying that everything I say in private will be blasted online (even though I have learnt to respect the other person's boundaries).

I look at my school experience differently now. I got bullied but it didn't impact me this badly, and I knew it wasn't my fault. It has ironically made it easier for me to leave that behind. 

I hope I can hit the ground running when I get back in terms of keeping myself busy but it's all feeling one step forward, two steps back.